Financially Supporting Your Parents

[Brightness]

How many are in the position to where you have to support your parent/parents financially?

How do you feel about this? Does it or has it placed a strain on you? If you have siblings, is the "burden" equally distributed?

I will post my answer/situation later this evening.

[Bedroomeyes]

But I've been doing it for almost 2 years now!! :blah: :hammer


My mother and my brother stay with me and it is hell!!! :cry:

No one works but me.. No one pays bills but me.. And they don't have transportation so I'm doing that too.. :rolleyes:

And then I have to listen to my mother tell me how to raise my kids and run my household.. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

But what can you do.. It's not like I can say "get the hell out!" But had thought about it often.. :upto:

Sorry.. This just hit a sore spot..

:rolleyes: :p

[foolsrule]

My parents in the 80's could take care of all the bills and not have any stress. Now my mother is holding the family together more than my dad is. He's insecure about finding a job because of his age, and because of his experience no one will understand why he can't find one. He's also emotionally depressed from losing his business. A simple "get over it" doesn't work.

My mother who works as a programmer in california has to pay the house note with her money.

Anything else the family has to do comes down on my money, and so many people I'm around who don't have both parents don't understand that. Hell I don't think anyone understands that.

Seems to me as if people have become so selfish, that they'd let another starve so that they can go out and play.

[HulaSista]

i have been doing my mom's bills since she lost her job. but helping her with money has been a normal thing for years... since my first job, my mom has never had a problem with asking me for money.

in the last year and few months, i've just paid her bills and mine. the burden is NOT equalling spread to my younger sister because she has 2 kids of her own, a no good man who does not help, no job, but she is going to school. she helps only when it benefits her and it is typical of her to think the priviledge of living at home is the rule and not the exception.

my dad takes care of his part but his part, in my opinion, is also my mother's part, but, for their own jacked up 'i can't get along with her/him' he won't pay and she won't ask.

in the last few months, he's had a rude awakening and i've had to let a few things slide for my mom to open her eyes and tell him 'michelle can't do it, this is your job' i have a feeling he'll come around, but, like other things in life, he'll have to practice taking care of my mom and until he does that full throttle, i'll have the subliminal pressure of making sure the 2nd on the house and other necessary bills get paid.

the only thing i DO NOT pay for for my mother is her credit card bills, jacked up bank accounts and anything thing else that is not a direct link to the need of maintaining the household. i do have my limits :rolleyes:

and i don't mind doing it because that was how i was raised. but i didn't think i'd be doing it so soon in life because her husband choose not to do it. i thought he would have to be dead or something. who'd have thunk it!

[Juicey1]

Even though my parents are retired, they are doing ok. My siblings and I haven't had to kick in anything to help them maintain their household. My dad was always a budget man and I guess that worked out in the long run.

I do feel bad that my parents have to pay so much for their medication and they don't let me or my brother & sister know and have to come out of pocket for it. My dad had some antibotics he had to take that cost him 300.00. He told me about it after the fact. Between the three of siblings, we could have each gave him 100.00 and paid for it.

[Tastey]

I help my mother and it's a financial burden on me but she's my mother and there were times when I she was holding me up as an adult so I can't say no now.

She gets a tiny tiny SS check per month, and my Dad gets a slightly larger but still tiny check per month and that's IT.

At one time I had a set amount that I gave my mother monthly but then when my finances began to crumble I had to decrease that amount but it never stops. I don't think it ever will.

I have 1 brother and 3 sisters and they help my Mom but not as much as me because they are all married. For whatever reason they find it easier for me to sacrifice the things I want than for them to explain to their spouses that Momma needs something.

It's difficult, especially since her heart attack and she has a special diet, and new medicines, and countless other things she has to have.

*sigh*

When it gets really hard I just remember how she looked when I first arrived at hospital after he heart attack with the tubes running down her throat and the respirator breathin for her completely unconcious.

I stopped in my tracks and prayed over and over "Please don't take my Momma...please don't take my momma."

He answered that prayer.

So now even though she drives me freaking crazy at times, and even though I give up alot of things I want and even sometimes things I need so that she can have it.

I honestly don't know what I'd do without her.

[Brightness]

***LONG POST ALERT***

My parents are a very "special breed" . . . they've been married over 40 years and seem to have always had money issues between them.

These money issues in effect trickled down to us. They shaped and affected our (the children's) outlooks on life and money matters, etc.

My parents have ALWAYS had separate checking accounts which they maintain is their own private business and not the others. They filed their tax returns separately (but for a lot of years my father was self-employed and didn't file his taxes. . .I think he went about 10-15 years w/o filing and I'm still trying to figure that one out :rolleyes: ). I remember my mother calling home and telling me that if HER income tax check came to get it out of the mail before my father saw it. Because if he did then he would "hold back" some money on paying bills because he saw she got a tax refund.

And while I don't think they really split bills EXACTLY down the middle. . .they seemed to split responsibility for the handling of certain bills. However, at some point they began to try to split the bills 50/50 down to the penny. They both get attitudes if they have to pay more. It still really doesn't work out because now my mother pays more and my father pays little.

There was a time when my mother didn't work and I feel my father resented that. I think she always made more than him because she worked at Procter & Gamble. When she left that job things were really bad for a couple of years. My father would only give her $20/wk for groceries to feed three kids. One day I came home from school and my bedroom furniture was gone because my mother said she couldn't make the credit card payments for it.

I really don't know who I'm more disgusted with over that whole time period because in retrospect I think they both could have done things differently. They never worked more than one job and I feel we went through a lot of unnecessary financial hard times because they were both being stubborn.

In 1995, My father ended up taking an early retirement or layoff type of deal . So, since I was living at home at the time, I gave money that I really didn't have to give but did anyway. My oldest sibling has and still lives there so that was basically a 3-way split and 4-way if my father pitched in.

I moved out and stayed out in 1997 so that made the ratio go down again. After another year couple of years, my mother had to quit working due to health issues. So now they are both on fixed incomes and things are once again super-tight because neither one planned for retirement and they get skimpy Social Security checks.

Now, I've already explained my father's miserly outlook on money. I kind of understand his predicament because I had my daughter "spy" and see how much his monthly check is, it's less than $500 so he's super stingy and doesn't want to pay bills. It got to the point where the electricity and water were cut off before. And my stupid older brother has let this happen. :beating

Well, I've stepped in before and bought groceries and supplies. Then one day my daughter called me at work and while we were talking she said that morning my mother told her to hurry up and do something be the lights were going to get cut off soon. I remember being pissed with both my brother and father. It seems like I called him and asked him what the hell he was good for or something like that.

Anyway, I'm sitting there and the Spirit tell me to go take care of it. Now, I had no idea how much the bill was but hey "deep-pockets-single-mother-working-two-jobs" Brightness can handle it, right? I just went to the house got the bill and asked the people how much needed to be paid. Well, imagine my chagrin when it's damned near $400. I'm mad, I'm :cry: but I have to do it because I was directed to do it. That's difficult to do when you know you aren't getting the money back and you are maintaining your own household.

So, that's where I'm at today, AGAIN. . .I'm in the process of trying to get my mind right and to give to/support them with a willingness. I've spent a few days crying and moaning but I know what I've got to do. I know that all my blessings come from above and that I will definitely be blessed in the outcome.

However, I feel conflicted because I suffered (in my opinion) due to their selfishness. I have always known that I can't count on my family for ANYTHING financially and learned to not bother to ask. There was a time when I asked to "borrow" money for my car payment and I was told they couldn't "run the risk" of loaning me the money. That's because my family works on the "borrow/owe" principle. . .before money is loaned, you must commit to a repayment date and on that date you are getting tracked down and reminded to pay. . .even though it was a week or two weeks away. And if I couldn't pay the FULL AMOUNT back in that time frame then I was too much of a risk.

Needless to say that fucked my head up to be told that when I had basically been helping support and contributing to the household and buying my own clothes, etc. from the age of 16/17 yrs. old. I couldn't rely upon my parents to help with college so I worked two jobs and footed that bill. When I got pregnant the first thing my mother told me was all the stuff she wasn't going to or couldn't do. I didn't expect her to and she didn't surprise me with so much as one pack of Pampers or a can of Similac.

Anyway, my final dilemma is to figure out how to go about getting them the money. I don't know whether to split it between them like an allowance because they'll get all silly over it or just sit an envelope on the table. I'm working out the details because it's to help with the bills not some old goofy stuff.

So FINALLY answer the rest of my questions:

How do you feel about this?
I'm not happy about it.
Does it or has it placed a strain on you?
It won't be that much of a strain because if you recall, I had adjusted my living standards and was on a budget.
If you have siblings, is the "burden" equally distributed?
Nope, my brothers are basically stingy and have maintained the take care of self first. And the funny thing is that I'm the only one with a child and more bills and anyone. . .go figure!

[que90nek]

if i were u ...

i wouldnt give them ANY money.

but i WOULD

pay a bill or two for them.

like....

pay the cable and light bill.

period.

i just don't think you should create a scenario where u constantly bail our foolish behaviour. they have their issues...but you run the risk of being put in the middle of them.....if u r not careful.

[bigdawg]

Fortunately, my parents have always been good with money and they are retired and living a pretty good life. My in-laws on the other hand are a different story, the cash supply is low and they really haven't planned for retirement. I would have no problem with my wife financially supporting her parents and she would not have a problem with my parents being supported. As long as what we have is taken care of, then it is all good. They are our parents and to a great extent I would say, we owe them.

I am making sure that my children do not have to shoulder any burdens on my wife and I behalf. A wise man once said, "It is not how much you make, but how much you save."

[Brightness]

I got my "confirmation" (reasoning) regarding this 2-3 days after I posted.

Originally posted by que90nek
if i were u ...

i wouldnt give them ANY money.

but i WOULD

pay a bill or two for them.

like....

pay the cable and light bill.

period.

i just don't think you should create a scenario where u constantly bail our foolish behaviour. they have their issues...but you run the risk of being put in the middle of them.....if u r not careful.