Your State of Mind, Beliefs & Character

[Brightness]

A lot of times you heard about adults 'blaming' their parents for how they turned out or for some of the choices that they've made in life. I think that a person's thought patterns and character are to a degree shaped from how they were raised, almost like it's ingrained in them and once you reach a cognitive mind state (that's IF for some people) you either reinforce those beliefs or you dispel them through your own life experiences

What have you taken as examples from your upbringing? How have some of your thoughts changed or not changed over the years say your teens, 20's and even 30's?

[Toffee]

I have carried with me that people don't give a shit about me... I get that from my father.. He ignored me as a child.. so I think men ain't about shit..

But I plan to talk to him about how I feel and hopefully that will free my heart in being able to fully open up in a relationship.

I also am not a drinker from experiences I had with family members as a child. I also have a low regard for people who talk about going to get "fucked up" or anyone who can't hold their liquour. I don't plan on chaning that. can't think of anything else right now.

[sistuhchey]

A STRONG BLACK MALE!!!.....My dad didn't take no shit he perservered.....worked his azz-off, widowed at age 36 with 10 children.....finally re-married, but instilled values, respect and honor...especially in his sons....they ain't no joke!!!!..yeah he's from the real old skooooooool...when men were men, and excuses, where just that excuses...

Doctor, lawyer, garbage man, indian chief...whatever you do...just handle yo bizzzznesssssss!!!

This has been dificult for me because some of my choices in men have been less than honorable....and i defintely didn't bring them home to family.........I guess that's why i refuse to live in the same city as my brothers........;) :beating

[ThickBodyHottie]

because of how i was raised, most times i have illusions of grandeur...i feel i must get my way...i won't settle for anything below my standards...i say what i need to say out of pure honesty...and i still like friend onion sandwiches with mustard on white bread because i was raised very poor...

sistuhchey, i'd bet if you moved around your brothers, they'd understand and help straighten you up...really...

[Brightness]

. . .thinking about this one today

[HulaSista]

i was raised to be a home maker and a educated professional.

this has not changed diddly in my years... just refined...

but i wasn't told anything about "the boys" except to leave them alone...

i wish i had listened :D

[davinci]

took a while to dispell my learned ideas of money and financial freedom. the concept of having to have a job i don't like or want is gone. i have women issues from my mom, grandma and oldest sister. i learned that a smile and a thank you can go a long ass way. my grandma is a mean cuss, and i did the opposite of her and had good results.

i learned to enjoy life from my middle sister. i learned to say fuck it from my mom when shyt is not that serious. i learned to do things myself from my grandma, although, as a hushdiva pointed out to me, that can be a problem when i am too proud to ask for help.

[shtalker]

Well I know I get my Strong Personality from my moms,my easy going attitude from my daddy. I guess the rest of it i just learned from the streets and my friends around me.

My mom was not the most affectoinate but I knew she loved me and I am trying to more affectionate to my kids. I understand that but they may not be as strong as I was, so I am trying to break that cycle.

[mystkev]

I feel that I have unusual parents and that I was raised in a nontraditonal household so my way of thinking is sometimes nontraditional. I prefer that.

Violence is part of our (my family) nature, but thankfully I am able to control my anger.

My parents were never very strict or demanding and left us to do our own thing so, discipline and authority has always been a problem. Which I have to work on if I ever plan on finishing school.

[HulaSista]

Originally posted by shtalker+
My mom was not the most affectoinate but I knew she loved me and I am trying to more affectionate to my kids. I understand that but they may not be as strong as I was, so I am trying to break that cycle.

i am so feeling you here...

[misha]

I get alot of my open mindedness from my mother, she was ahead of her time. I got my independence from her as well.

My father was very easy going and laid back, but I learned from him that no matter how much you love a man, no matter how much he claims to love you, he will cheat on you, he will look into your eyes and lie to you. Watched him do that to my mother for my entire life. Trying hard as hell to break that thought pattern in myself.

[adaya]

learned strength and independence from my mom...will not change that.

learned to have much kindness & concern for people in general, and also have a real consideration for people's feelings. won't change that, HOWEVER....

what has changed is I no longer fret or stress as much when I can't please everybody. I used to bend over backwards trying to please everyone and make sure everybody was happy with me or with what I did...if they weren't happy I would do whatever I could to try to pacify them, smooth any ruffled feathers(my mom has a knack for doing that).

well, now, I don't worry about nearly as much, especially with people who aren't important to me. Now it's getting easier to say "fuck 'em" and keep rollin'....

[SoftNwet]

That no matter what you provide for your family. My dad was killed when I was 6 and my moms never missed a beat when it came to me and my brothers. I have learned that being broke can be fun........it all depends on your attitude. I know that even though you may not have the best- keep what you do have clean. My Granny taught me to invest in clothes and not be too trendy and you will always look good.

I was talking to my son yesterday and realized that I have turned into my mother and at 36 years old it is not a bad thing. I am way more outspoken than she is but that came from my fathers side. When I was younger I promised my self that I would not be like her, but now.........I think I turned out prertty good.

[lightandlovely1]

I see both good and bad in myself that I know come from the way I was raised. But I've grown in that I recognize what's bad and I've made changes as necessary. I don't blame my family for those things - as a parent myself, I realize that you do the best you can and that your best isn't always good enough. Now on the issues where I was abused, nothing can be done to change it, I simply am aware of it so that I can avoid repeating the cycle with my own children.