Brightness
03-20-2003, 06:25 PM
After having a male friend tell me to lighten up and quit taking things so personal when it came to dating, the wheels finally made a full rotation and it clicked for me.
It really just hit me and sunk in that I have a little bit of an issue with allowing a prospective mate to get to know me or about me.
Although I don't and will not lie to someone, I find myself sometimes uncomfortable when conversation centers on me and when I feel that someone is probing too deeply into what I consider "personal territory" or when I feel they are asking questions to make a judgment about me.
Now, to my credit, I offer the same to others in return. I sometimes tell myself that maybe they don't want to talk about something so instead of testing the waters, I just assume that areas or topics are "off limits" until someone warms up enough to feel like sharing them.
And I guess, I traced this back to my last relationship (years ago) and my belief that when he found out so much or too much about me, then he decided I wasn't the one for him. Even though some of the things might just be happenstance like coming from a dysfunctional family.
I realized this may cause a problem in that I'm seeming evasive, secretive and disinterested in the man. And in the past I've been able to live with that to avoid peeling my the layers and revealing how complex I am. I tell men upfront but I understand that maybe I need to address the issue more effectively.
I'm not sure what the solution is to counteract the uncomfortable feelings I experience and to not think someone is analyzing everything I say and ultimately going to use/hold it against me.
It sometimes borders on a paranoia tip for me and I don't like that. I've got to do something about it.
It really just hit me and sunk in that I have a little bit of an issue with allowing a prospective mate to get to know me or about me.
Although I don't and will not lie to someone, I find myself sometimes uncomfortable when conversation centers on me and when I feel that someone is probing too deeply into what I consider "personal territory" or when I feel they are asking questions to make a judgment about me.
Now, to my credit, I offer the same to others in return. I sometimes tell myself that maybe they don't want to talk about something so instead of testing the waters, I just assume that areas or topics are "off limits" until someone warms up enough to feel like sharing them.
And I guess, I traced this back to my last relationship (years ago) and my belief that when he found out so much or too much about me, then he decided I wasn't the one for him. Even though some of the things might just be happenstance like coming from a dysfunctional family.
I realized this may cause a problem in that I'm seeming evasive, secretive and disinterested in the man. And in the past I've been able to live with that to avoid peeling my the layers and revealing how complex I am. I tell men upfront but I understand that maybe I need to address the issue more effectively.
I'm not sure what the solution is to counteract the uncomfortable feelings I experience and to not think someone is analyzing everything I say and ultimately going to use/hold it against me.
It sometimes borders on a paranoia tip for me and I don't like that. I've got to do something about it.