I'm scared...

[Melotic]

I can be very arrogant at times, but my family is disfunctional... I have dated some very professional ladies that come from what "appears to be quality" families... I very rarely bring the women I date around my family, 'cause I am ashamed of the way they live... I am afraid these women will look beyond my qualities, because I know weren't raised the way I was... I also don't think I belong to these people myself, I don't live anything like they do...

What's a brother to do...

:rolleyes:

[CD]

I think you'll find out how deep those professional women you date are really when you bring them around your family. I'm sure you know but sometimes we forget, Bru don't be miss lead, education and job does not make anyone better as a person.

[Admin]

Mel, just keep your distance if you are ashamed and uncomfortable. But I would think that if the woman loved ya, she would be able to hang...

Holla;)

[nubianx2]

Unfortunately, we can't pick our family. If this is someone that you're seeing rather seriously then at some point meeting your family will come into play. We all have some family members that we'd like to permanently disown. But like Admin stated if she's really into you she'll find a way to accept your family and not hold their faults against you.

[HulaSista]

Whew Lawd! Mel... you done hit a soft spot with Hula...

I dealt with a brotha who had the EXACT same issues as you do.

First thing first: DO NOT LIE ABOUT IT... Please! What ever you do DO NOT lie about it... OR OR OR OR OR OR OR hide it please dont'....

Second thing second: Listen to your boys! Admin and CD know what' they talking about... I would like to emphasize that you RUN from the woman that gets an inkling of a 'tude about you just because of your family.

There ARE professional and strong women who are NOT judgemental out there... please take your time and make this a discussion as far enough ahead of time as possible. Test them out and bring them around your family. A gooood woman, will love you that much more for it.

TRUST me dude... Trust me... I am that sista that know how to love inspite of... so i know there are more of me's out there :D

If you think she came from a "good quality" family, think again... there's something she ain't telling you or that her momma or her daddy or her sister/brother/cousins/uncles/aunts/grandma/grandpa ain't tell HER.... don't believe the hype man lol....

whew lawd JESUS... bless His name... the BLESSING i received behind the man I dated with what you said Mel in his mind? oh Bless His Name... I can't say it enough... Listen to Hula... Praise God... Whew.... Lord....

[misha]

Whew lawd hula you are telling the truth!
Even with these professional women, we are talking about family here.....no matter how "perfect" family seems, there is dysfunction there somewhere....just the fact that we cannot choose our family....

Any woman (or man) that would soley judge you over who you are related to, humph, they aren't worthy.

[djackso]

Everybody got crazy family so she should understand. Some women enjoy getting a good laugh.

[HulaSista]

Originally posted by Melotic+
I am ashamed of the way they live...

its not YOUR shame to be had. i think i said this before on this board, don't take ownership of something negative that IS NOT a part of you or for you.

when it comes to family:

if they keep they house nasty, and you keep your house clean, so what, stand up when you go to visit.

if you clean the vein out the shrimp and your relatives don't, so what, when they offer you food either turn it down or wrap it up and throw it away when you get home.

if they got kids that are bad and run the house breaking up thangs, so what, when they come to your house, tap that ass and let them know "this is mel's house! we run thangs differently over here"

if their cars are buckets and leave grease stains in front of your house, so what, thanks the lord that they don't live with ya and park their cars there all day long

if they always asking for money and looking for a hand out, so what, do what you can to keep the kids fed and move about your business (but call to make sure they aiiiight)

if they cant keep up their rent and need scrilla, so what, point them in the direction of a homeless shelter or shell out a coupla hunit to put them up in a hotel room for a minute...


man... i can go on and on and on about this dude... you don't have to own what is not yours. you can be there for your family and still have your seperate life! blessed is the man that findeth a good wife! pray on this boo! lol... okay... i'm gone... for realz now... i'm gone...

[MsMeelah]

Well if the person is truly cares about you , they will be able to accept you and not think of you any differently. They are not with your momma dadday, brother and sister.. they are with you. Hell I would admire someone MORE if I see that they were able to break cycles of dysfunction, “thug life”, poverty, ghetto mentality or whatever. That shows says a lot about someone in itself.

Unfortunately some people will judge you by your family or the environment you were brought up in, regardless of what you have accomplished. That’s reality. but if they are that shallow to not want to be with you because you got an uncle in jail or some shit, or they think they better than your folks. then you have no hopes of a fulfilling relationship with them anyway. So......
FUCK HER :fu

[djackso]

Meelah actually bashed a female but you are 100% correct. She is dating you not them.

[Melotic]

They don't know them for the most part... But, thanx for the advice...

[MsMeelah]

The ones who try to act like their families are “Above” or “Better than” others have the biggest skeletons. Those be the craziest mofo’s.

Incest
Drug and alcohol habits
momma on prozac,
aunt in the mental word for cooking her baby and feeding it to her husband.
deformed child (born out of incest ) hidden in the attic and shit.

PLUEEESE!!! I wish a muthafucka would leave me because of my drunk uncle!!

[MsMeelah]

Originally posted by djackso+
Meelah actually bashed a female


Am I that bad??Fellas, I am not a male basher.. really I'm not!!:p

[zuriyahe]

*Zuri is sucking his teeth*

[zuriyahe]

Let's hope that your future dates will honor you above the other people in your life that are not of your same "quality". That goes for family or friends or aquantances etc. You can be judged by the company that you keep. So I advised that you can love your family from afar. If you must hang around with your family you may want to do it after your date gets to know YOU. A reasonable person will know how to distingush you from your family.

However, be warned! You can be judged if you choose to get overly involved with the DRAMA of your family and friends. If you are getting involved in the family drama, then that means that your date can visualize herself getting pulled into the drama too.

But let YOU shine through and a lady of quality should see the light comming from YOU!

[misha]

Shoot to goodness girl, you are breaking it down today!


Carry on.

[seductive_tee]

LAWD....Mel i thought you were married

[Melotic]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+
LAWD....Mel i thought you were married

That's how rumors get started...

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Melotic+
I can be very arrogant at times, but my family is disfunctional... I have dated some very professional ladies that come from what "appears to be quality" families... I very rarely bring the women I date around my family, 'cause I am ashamed of the way they live... I am afraid these women will look beyond my qualities, because I know weren't raised the way I was... I also don't think I belong to these people myself, I don't live anything like they do...

What's a brother to do...

:rolleyes:

As I read this I don't see so much that a woman is gonna look down on where Mel comes from as much as I see Mel looking down on where he comes from.

For that reason he doesn't expect others to be able to accept it.

Mel,
We can't pick our families and as Hula broke it down for you MOST people have something that is not "quality" family.

Be proud of the man you became in spite of and any woman will be proud be partner to that.

[zuriyahe]

Originally posted by HulaSista+


man... i can go on and on and on about this dude... you don't have to own what is not yours. you can be there for your family and still have your seperate life! blessed is the man that findeth a good wife! pray on this boo! lol... okay... i'm gone... for realz now... i'm gone...

Whew! That was good, Hula! And so very true. Don't give up the POWER, Mel. You have the POWER to control your ship!

sail on!

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by Melotic+


That's how rumors get started...

Know one ever told me that...i just assumed.....

Maybe i'm getting you confused with Andre......i know it's not CD....

[lovely]

When i date someone..i think of that person as a package. that package includes children...family....friends...shoot even baby mama's. Included in that caring for him is accepting his family and his family situations. And that is how i want whoever i am dating to look at me. I'm a package..daughter..family and friends. Accept us as we are...or get to stepping:blah:


shoot.......and with my family...how in the world can i talk? :rolleyes:

[Melotic]

Originally posted by Tastey+


As I read this I don't see so much that a woman is gonna look down on where Mel comes from as much as I see Mel looking down on where he comes from.

For that reason he doesn't expect others to be able to accept it.

Mel,
We can't pick our families and as Hula broke it down for you MOST people have something that is not "quality" family.

Be proud of the man you became in spite of and any woman will be proud be partner to that.

You can lead a horse to water, but...:rolleyes:

Hell yeah, I look down on bullshit...

[Tastey]

We all look down on bullsh*t Mel. That's understandable and expected.

It's kind of like the Question I asked in another thread, would you marry you.

If you can't accept you for where you came from then how can you expect someone else to accept you.

Whatever level of bullsh*t your family is you are not equal to that. You have risen above it and you should know that.

You are still judging yourself by those standards and that's why you feel that the women you date will judge you too.

When you are ready to say "I'm my own man regardless of where I come from." then the women you meet and date will know that about you and it won't be an issue.

[lightandlovely1]

I'm going to say some very un-politically correct things here.

My ex-husband's family is very, very different than mine. For the most part, they are nutty as loons. In fact, we were afraid to invite them too the wedding because we worried about how they would behave at the wedding. Because he grew up in such a dysfunctional family, he had a few issues himself. That's not to say that I didn't have some issues too but I worked on mine - he wouldn't.

Today when dating a man, if we are going to even think about getting serious, I have to meet his family. With the experiences that I've had, I'm not certain that I could allow myself to become seriously involved with someone who's family is completely jacked up. I won't say that I would definitely not get involved - after all, just as I've worked on myself, he could have worked on himself as well - but I would definitely be very, very cautious.

[lightandlovely1]

Let me clarify a few things, it's not that his family's nuts that would give me pause, it's because I believe we would have such a different way of coping with life.

For instance, how do you handle conflict? How do you deal with adversity? How do you handle money? How do you live your faith? Discipline? Arguments? Things like that.

[Brightness]

Of what you speak. . .Godspeed, my brother.