Should I take the chance????

[Toffee]

Fam when I went home in April I saw one of my x's. We dated for about 6ms about 5-6yrs ago. At the time he was in love with me. But he didn't have the time to invest in a relationship. So we kinda stopped. Every year I would call him and he still had his responsibilities. (He was head of his Masonic Fraternity which he took very seriously and I respected that being and Easter Star).

Now when I saw him he told me to come to this club he would be at later. So I said cool... While we were dancing he was telling me how he never stopped caring for me. And how wrong he was not to have put me first in his life. He understands that I have 2yrs left of school in NYC and he is willing to wait for my return to Chicago. I've never been in love so its hard for me to understand his feelings. I mean telling me everthing that anyone would want to hear.

I went to his house the next day before my flight home.. And his children were there. The oldest who is 16 (11 yrs younger than me). Looked at me and said so u r *Toffee* my father still has every letter you ever wrote him.. and he just smiled and walked away. His daughter who is 12 just kept smiling at me.

I'm thinking of telling him that trying to start over in two different states is difficult but deep down I still care for him or I would not have made it a point to stay in contact with him all these years.

Me confused!! I just don't hope that he is telling me these things because he feels he is getting older and wants to be married or something.. But then I think he is old enough to know his feelings.

[Brightness]

This is a real head banger first thing in the morning. . . I'm stuck at the point of you never being in love, it never ceases to amaze me when I hear someone say that. I know I'm corny but I can't think of anything but being in love. . .

When you know what you want and committed to someone, distance isn't a predominate factor. . .I did an Ohio-Florida thing so NY-Chi ain't nothing. . .that's if you really want it and if it progressed to something meaningful would one of you be willing to relocate.

As far as the man goes, you did neglect to mention his age but it is true that when men as well as women reach a certain age they are not necessarily looking to settle down and get married but they do value their relationships and interactions more seriously. They tend to recognize how precious time is and I feel the desire to bond and connect with that one person is more prevalent.

I am probably about as old as this man (I hope not older!!!) and that's exactly where I'm at. . it's hard to date because I have expectations of what I want at this point. . .I have an 11-yr old daughter, I'm doing things in my life with an eye to the future and I just can't see being with a man for companion-sake or sex-sake. . .but then again, I've always been serious minded and monogamous when it came to dealing with men, relationships and feelings. I just have a very hard time "kicking" with a man. . .I can't for the life of me waste that kinda time because I will be thinking while I was chillin' with your fool azz I maybe missed out on something worthwhile. . .

I'll be pondering this one the remainder of the day. . .

[seductive_tee]

Damn this is a tough one......

[Toffee]

He is 33yrs old. Has 3 kids. S - 16 , RR 12, Lil D - 9. First two by one chick. Last by his x-fiancee. They all were very nice to me. They probably slightly remember me from when the were younger.

[RaiOfSunshine]

I really don't know about long distance thing, but all I can advise you is to go with what your heart tells you. But, then again, you come first. You should do the best thing for you. Maybe you should weigh the options before making a decision about this.

[OhSoPrecious]

Especially now. . . since you've dropped the other guy. . . w/all those damn female friends~!! :rolleyes:

I've never had a long distance relationship, but I know people that have. . and they can work~!! :)

I say. . go for it~!! :cool: Especially if you have feelings for this guy. . . to have kept in touch over the years~!! ;)

Good Luck~!!

[ThickBodyHottie]

well...like i always say...never chew your cabbage twice...but then, i'm only me...;)

[HulaSista]

go for it....

take your time...

have fun with the communication...express all your feelings civil-lee and don't rush nothin....

and most of all...

enjoy it...

:beer

[nubianx2]

Take the chance. Any relationship that you enter into has it's risks. Nothings worst than you always wondering what if.

[Toffee]

I decided to just chill. I don't want to spend possibly another 2yrs here just chillin with chicks. Now when and if I return to Chicago and he is not seeing anyone then we could give it a whirl. Got school to concentrate on.

[RaiOfSunshine]

whatever you feel is best for you, is cool.

[OhSoPrecious]

Originally posted by Toffee+
Got school to concentrate on.

Good girl~!! :) Now, you're thinking with your head. . . and not your heart~!! :p

I know I said go for it~!! :D But, only you know what's best. . . and I think for you . . . school is most important right now~!! ;)

You guys have kept in touch this long. . . hook up with him after school~!! :cool:

[Toffee]

I was questioning something this weekend. So I called him on it... He got 5 kids. I always thought he had 3 or 4.. But 5. Oh my DAMN!!!! What I get myself into?

[Andre98]

First, thank you Toffee, for valuing our opinions enough to allow us to walk right up in your house (your personal life) sit right down, and advise you on how to decorate. I am a romantic at heart, so it sounded good that you may be rekindling an olfd flame. But then you said you were not in love with him then, and have never been in love, and I changed my tune.

If you question it, then it's not the thing to do. I was ready to say risk it, because you can always break it off, it's not like you are at the back of the church questioning wheter to walk down the aisle. But then I read that he has 3, no, 5 kids? Even if marriage is not a big part of the picture, are you ready for children as part of the relationship picture? many people date with children, yes, but add it up:

1. You know he has more than a passing affection for you. If you feel he is marriage minded, that would mean most likely, you moving back with him (them) and diving into the Mommy role at full speed. Do you want that? I am getting personal, but do you want kids of your own one day? These are the practical realities that have to be laid out even before you get to what I feel is the "deal breaker", the fact that you question it at all.

2. It isn't a 1 or 2 kid thing, it's 5, and 1 in mid teens, 1 about to hit teens. ( I was assuming the newly discovered two are much younger) Personally, I dont think they should have been privvy to the fact about your letters to him. If Holmes has been obsessing, and through the course of his other relationships, that is flattering to an extent, but it stirs the pot of psycho stew, and you may not wanna take a taste.

3, Long Distance Relationship for 2 years. Yes, they have been known to work just like people have been known to survive lightning strikes, it still is a risky venture. Again, I get more personal to inquire ( theorically, you don't have to answer), if you commit to seeing him via Sprint and MCI, would this be an exclusive thing? To be in the NYC and on lockdown is cruel, and damn if that won't be when all the opportunities crop up!

Like I said, i am throwing these question out there, not for you to answer on here, but just to think about. i am sure you are alreadly aware of all I just mentioned. Enough folks go into relationships that look all rosy with love gushing out of all sides, and find they were all wrong for each other. If you cut off that part of you that, in my opinion, seems charmed by his carrying a torch for you all this time, I think you'll make the best decision.

Damn, it ain't easy is it? Why can't this relationship biz be clear cut, black and white, all or nothing?

[Toffee]

I prefer to date men with children because i don't want to give birth.. Just don't have that desire.. I always wanted to adopt. No I don't have a problem jumping into the Step Mom Role.
I cared about him a great deal. I don't think he's psycho but I guess my ear was buring when i called him cause he had just been talking about me.

I question everything its just my nature. Actually with my schedule not seeing anyone for two years is not hard to do. But I decided to chill until I come home.. I still keep in contact with him and when i do come home and he is not seeing anyone then we will see how it goes.

I do value your advice. People on hear have experienced different things. What one hasn't experienced I'm sure another has. It doesn't make their opinion right or wrong,,, but it is what it is an opinion.

[sistuhchey]

where's toffee?? has her name changed...i miss so much???