The one that got away...is it just game?

[dulce]

Hey Fam,

Does anyone have that one person that got away...the one you feel is your soulmate but you haven't seen for years and you still think about everyday? Is this romantic or crazy?

Or is it just game?

Just pondering a current situation...(BTW, I'm the fish that got away & wondering if maybe the fisherman is a little psycho...)

[SoftNwet]

how could it be game. :confused:

[Melotic]

I hope it didn't last...

[dns70]

By saying that I mean a person will always be regretful and sorrowful over a lost love if they take the approach that that person was the "One that got away". As if to say that another person will be a substitute but never fill the same place. It's better to look at it as a learning process and look at the things that one could do better in the next relationship.

Romantic or crazy?...well, that all depends on what he's doing.

I've heard people say that men take breakups and lost loves much harder than women. I think there is some validity to this. All the news stories you hear about domestic violence, it's usually the man who attacked or assaulted the woman who left or divorced. Everyone hurts after a loss, and many times we want that person back for a long time. But as long as the person realizes that it's over and keeps his or her distance and talks to his/her friends and family about it, then that's healthy.

On the other hand, if he stalks the person, shows up at the same places she shows up at, always calls, always asks her to come back, then these are signs that the person is not dealing well with the loss. It could become dangerous to him, her or both because he is not doing the things necessary to protect himself. He's not showing a desire to heal.

Dulce, what is he doing that makes you think he is a little psycho?

[dulce]

Soft, you know some folks will use anything as part of the game...trying to get that ass again and so will try the "I've been thinking bout you" angle...

Mel - it didn't...;)

Dns - just a little worrisome that braugh mentioned that he never married or had kids...thinks about me all the time, wanted to know if he could come to Sac w/me since he had a few days off and has already called 3 times without waiting for a return call (2 of those times in one day). glad he only has the cell...oh yeah, he mentioned that he did some stupid stuff after we stopped seeing each other - like walking up to my door but not knocking...???? What was really bad was that, initially, I didn't even recognize him - I mean, what I finally remembered was cool but it was never a love thing for me - I was in the midst of a divorce...

[mystkev]

I know I believe in the one that got away, I haven't put my life on hold, but I think about him all the time. My mom says that I should call his parents and find out where he is, but it's best that I don't try to contact him. Even after we broke up I thought that we would eventually get back together.

Dulce in your case, I don't think the guy is spitting game, I think he really enjoyed the time that you spent together, but he might be a little obsessed.

[dns70]

How long did you and the guy maintain a relationship? Was it ever exclusive? For instance, did he somewhere along the line get the impression that your feelings were the same as his?

If you were only kickin it with bruh-man for a couple of weeks or months, some occasional sex, but no definite commitment or relationship, then his actions are way out of line. He has some issues and needs to really evaluate himself.

If you guys were involved for a significant amount of time, like a couple of years, and were exclusive with one another and had designed future plans, I would say that he is very, very hurt and is just having a hard time moving on. If it has been a year or longer since being together, and you two had a serious relationship and he still hasn't moved on then he needs to seek some real help, like from a doctor or therapist or religious counselor.

But from the sound of it, it sounds like you two weren't together for a long time at all. I also sounds like whatever relationship was there ended a long enough time ago that you wouldn't have been surprised to hear that he has a wife and children. That sounds like a problem to me. It's kinda sad because he's obviously wasting precious years of his own life.

[misha]

Well, in my case, there is a man from my past, we got together and the relationship was serious. We lived together and everything. He decided while I was at work to start playing around with becky down the block. Wasn't long before I found out and I dropped him and his stuff at her house.

I have now met someone special. And he is now popping up at my job, calling me, and talking about what if....well brotha, it is too late for what if now. How about the years that I didn't have anybody? Where were your what ifs then? It's game.

Now, in your case, like everyone has said it depends on the extent of the relationship. If you only went out for a short time, then his behavior is suspect. If you were together for a long time, and were exclusive, then he may need extra time to accept that it is over.

[dulce]

thanks for the input, fam...glad I'm going with my gut feeling that something just ain't right...cuz we only kicked it for a couple of months & he knew I was going thru a divorce...plus the reason we stopped seeing each other was because he asked me one day if I was seeing other guys and I told him the truth:yeah...so he just stood up walked out and that was the last time I saw him until this past weekend.

all this coupled with the fact that he has had his eye on me since high school (he even mentioned that fact way back when) makes me kinda nervous...

and aside from that, I could never see getting with someone that would let another person have that type of effect on their life - where they just couldn't move forward...

[dns70]

There should be some serious time involved with a person for it to get to the point that he is at. I mean just IMHO, I would understand my ex having trouble moving on if it were years involved and future plans were made and stuff. I wouldn't look at that person and say "something's wrong with them". I would just say "it was serious relationship and I know that they're hurting". I've read that it takes as long as 1/2 the length of the relationship before a person fully gets over the loss. So, if you were exclusively together for 2 years, it may take one year to really get it out of your system.

But, if I had that effect on a person after only a couple of months, then yes I would be concerned about them and thought they had some problems.

[Bedroomeyes]

That is until we hooked up again and I wasn't feeling him at all... I guess I got tired of hearing about his big screen, new house, and boat... :rolleyes:

He hasn't crossed my mind since... :blah:

[OhSoPrecious]

Originally posted by dulce+
BTW, I'm the fish that got away

So am I. . and my ass is still swimming~!!!!!! :cool: LOL

[dulce]

Originally posted by OhSoPrecious+


So am I. . and my ass is still swimming~!!!!!! :cool: LOL

CTFU - okay! BTW, this man has called again and had the nerve to have an attitude that he hasn't gotten a call back...he should know from before not be getting funky with me cuz I will cut ya off and never look back...but I am gonna call him either today or tomorrow...just wanted to not be irritated when I picked up the phone cuz his message did put me on edge...

[lightandlovely1]

I don't think of him as the one that got away but he was my first real love.

No I don't spend any time thinking about the past - I leave it where it is: the past. I think were in each other's lives at the time that we were for a reason and now our season has passed.

[Versatile]

Originally posted by Melotic+
I hope it didn't last...

Ditto. That's how I felt at the time when I heard. Just make she=he.

[MsMeelah]

I was told that I was the one who got away...

[sistuhchey]

If I coulda, woulda, shoulda,...has plagued us all once or twice in our life!!!....If brotha should re-surface and you're feeling him go for it...if not...move on....

Life is too short !!!....I'm like NIKE!!!..Just do it!!!!

[dulce]

definitely NOT feeling him...I'ma just say NO! ;)

[mystkev]

does this mean we can't go to the Lucky Lounge again?

[sistuhchey]

Just count me in....next time...!!!...Hate missing all the fun...shoot!!!...:banit :banit :D

[dulce]

Originally posted by mystkev+
does this mean we can't go to the Lucky Lounge again?


hmmmm, the ratio of men to women is about 5:1...hell, naw, that moneky ain't stoppin MY show! And chey, you GOTTA be there next time...more fun than we could get across in the posts! ;)

[dulce]

dammit, I mean MONKEY!

...that moneky ain't stoppin MY show!...[/QUOTE]