CoWorkers As Friends

[HulaSista]

I am fed up with coworkers as friends. i think it is cool to be cool with folks on the job. and i don't mind SOME after work stuff. but when it gets to the point that i suddenly start feeling like a chick is treating me like i'm her boyfriend.... um... shit needs to stop.

now maybe all women do this and i'm just a loner and as a loner i am repelled, but... here is an example:

is it necessary to call or email someone EVERY DAY and ask them to lunch
then when they say no
you guilt trip them into going (if it works)

now... when i had boyfriends, i remember being like that towards my MAN... but i ain't NEVA been like that towards a chick.

every day???


this should be in get it off your chest... but... i want to ask you all:



For the co workers who are your friends: how close are you to them? how close is too close?

[Tastey]

I've never been one to make friends with co-workers.

To me if I see your ass all day, why do I need to see you at night too?

It's been a few rare times that I've made friends on the job, but what I learned a long time ago with that is...if you don't work there no more...they ain't your friend no more. Especially if they think being friends might cost them their job.So what was the point.

Like you Hula, I'm a loner. I like to eat my lunch alone at my PC. I don't feel like the social inter-action stuff. When I go home it's "see ya tomorrow or monday".

Let's be cool while we work, that's enough for me.

[Andre98]

I had to laugh at the end of that first paragraph, Hula... like you are her boyfriend...lol I never had it that bad. I thought you were going to say they wanted to come to the house on weekends and all.

I did have a per diem staffer that we called so often over a period of years that he got so familiar, he would slack off and try to hang with us in the office when his job was supposed to be in the other room. When the client needed him they had to come to the office, and then, it might as well be as though I got up and attended to the conference call or projection issues. They were paying extra to have immediate in room attention. Had to set him straight, which led to hurt feelings and no more calls.

Sounds like this woman is going to be offended, which is really embarrassment that it looks like she's being clingy. You know she is probably going to respond as though you think you are too good, and trash talk you to others, but these breaks never go easy. Or is what you're saying, that you don't mind her company once in a while at lunch, just don't be wedded to a daily routine, or even a three times a week routine. It sounds like she'll want to know when, if it's Mon Wed and Fri or only Tues, and again, feel like she's begging you to be her lunch buddy. Maybe I'm reading too much into this... I just think either way, its gonna sting a little bit. You shouldn't compare it to being in a social relationship with a dude though.

[sistuhchey]

our walks, our talks, our salads...cheesecake factory drinks....

I miss you too boo!!!...but I never got bad vibes.....i don't think...

If you had time if I had time..we did it.....no qualms...Hell I don't email or call you regularly...but I still have the same (love) feelings???

by the way..did you get that job announcement I sent you???

[ERinger]

I'm cool with most, but we don't hang outside of work. Shit I'm tired when I get home. I'm new to this envorinment, so it might change.

[HulaSista]

andre, its both of these:

Sounds like this woman is going to be offended,

Or is what you're saying, that you don't mind her company once in a while at lunch, just don't be wedded to a daily routine, or even a three times a week routine. It sounds like she'll want to know when, if it's Mon Wed and Fri or only Tues, and again, feel like she's begging you to be her lunch buddy.

she readily admits that she is sensitive and spoiled. and that's fine for her man and her parents but ME? :blast

at one point her and i and 3 others did lunch daily. but IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII was under the impression that i didn't loose my freedom to move about the country WHEN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII decide to do so.

:rolleyes:

You shouldn't compare it to being in a social relationship with a dude though.

but dude - it reminded me of doing similar things to my man back in the days lol! and then she has the nerves to get all wieny... OH HELL NO... now i'm really not kickin it.

and most of the time, its not even because i don't want to... but our work load is atrocious, mine worse than theirs. so i can't go at a specific time every day like we did at one point. and that's IF i go to lunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

if i say i'm going to lunch with someone else... she ask me "who" and "where" and "what time"...

:banit

[Andre98]

Not to get off topic, okay who am I fooling, but thinking back to my days at Merrill, it amazed me that there were people that expected to get their hour away from their desk, and did not care what was what. We were the meeting facility, which means we have many business luncheons and many times, at best, you either took your lunch later (after 1:30) or gambled that you could poach off the top notch buffet, a skill that I had honed to a fine art. Half the time, the client, since they were internal, would let you hit it before the meeting started, right along with the attendees, or if it was waitered, see that you got a plate, but it was an at your desk meal, and minding the meeting's conference call in session. No, my partner wanted to be gone, and since I preceded her and spent nearly everyday at my desk for lunch after running to the cafe (on the same floor), she got good and used to that routine. And incoming callers got used to the phone being answered live right through lunch hours. I was answering emails, the phone, boooking meetings between bites. So when time came that it could not be avoided, I had to be in one room, and she had to take her lunch later and spent 12 to 1 working in the other, you would have thought she was in China subjected to human rights violations of the highest grievance. It was the CEO for Christmas sake, a special occasion, no we should have hired extra per diem help. Narrow minded.

[lasttry]

that's how I do it for the most part.

I'm about to create a second facebook page because folks at work, won't be seeing my first one with folks I knew before starting work here. Because some things need to be separate.

Hula.. is this a white woman?? Because that would be a whole nother story.. Being the only black dude for the most part at work, I really don't have nobody to "hang with" anyway.
(now I'ma do a 'dre detour)


But I'll tell you one thang, if you want some free drinks... decline an invitation about 3 straight times from white folks then the next time they ask say OK. You'll get your drinks free because 1. they'll pay or 2. they go to that bar so much, they know the bartender and just get it free.

But maybe you should try to get somebody else for her to latch onto... that would be real slick and could avoid some drama.

[HulaSista]

with our little clique, there is 4 women and usually 1 guy rotating in and out depending on how busy they are; we four are close, and she do it to them too, but, i don't believe its as bad because i'm the main one unable to go because of my work load. but we ALL have crazy work loads. perhaps i'm the "dumb" one because i take lunches too late or not at all and really should try harder to do it. but i don't trip off it like that and prefer to get the work done first. she has plenty of dudes who love hanging out with her and i've told her she needs to take advantage of their company and get the free lunches if they are offering it because beauty is fleeting... do it now before the next hot chick gets in and steal her glow lol

she is filipina. the other two ladies are black. the dudes are always non black (the black men in the company usually eat alone or with the white dudes).


my own detour....

oh yeah, and lastry, i like drinking with the white managers - they are the ones with the corp amex card. ;)

the young happy hour crowd are broke, white and minority. i remember one happy hour where two white people short paid... i told the dude that planned it to NEVER invite them again and if he did they gotta put their drink money up FIRST when they order their drink or pay the wait staff direct. no more 'i'll pay the bill and ya'll give me the money back" because folks forget about taxes and tip!!!!!!!!!

dre - we dont even want to go there with the lunch meetings! we have a system down here! i'll have to write that up when i get more time. but the whole company unofficially go by the rule of free food lol...

[sistuhchey]

Anyone, but.....Filipina...sorrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyy



she is filipina. the other two ladies are black. the dudes are always non black (the black men in the company usually eat alone or with the white dudes).



My 20 yrs in the bay.....they are nosy, clingy, slick, conning, irritating (always wanna sale you something)...don't mean to hurt your feeling for I know you have child hood friends...but my expeirence...oh my goodness!!..the 10+ yrs in the hospitality industry...made me gag!!!..(listening to tagala, broken english) I was so pleased to work in radio... they aren't their!!!

now my office is right next to this chick (middle-age woman like myself:p)...my door stays shut!!..she constantly asking, uhh,,can I bring you something, do you wanna do this?? I'm going to the store....HELL NO!!..you can't buy me..or try to con me..she sooooooooo nosey..it drives me up a wall..

anywho..my 2 cents...

[ERinger]

Perhaps she just has no one else who wants to hang with her. I can see folks getting desperate about that.

[HulaSista]

naw. we have a pretty cool company where you can lunch with most anyone and the dudes fall at her doorstep (ie: cube). she is still green about most things and we are always schooling her about doing more with herself socially. there are chicks there her age. maybe because her boyfriend is black she feels more comfy with us. she is picky about who she hangs with.

chey - i knew a lot of filipinos in radio. they were cool cause they had to learn how to be rough and aggressive on some fronts (though in other areas they were still the stereotypical asians that let white folks run all over them). i kicked it with them and never had problems. my best girlfriends are filipino and i go through the "why we dont hang out" things with them, but, i chalked it up as them being female and single. there's only two of them that are non married now; the ones that are - they ain't pullin that clingy shit with me no more cause, true to what i told them for YEARS, "just wait til you are married and/or with kids. you go hate for your phone to ring cause your spouse and kids alone is gonna wear you out". and all that clingy stuff got cut out quickly.

[sistuhchey]

my broadcasting years in southern cali...none...(2) tv stations
@kfog none, at the drive nada!...

but in hospitality..ooooooo weeeee, they wore me out...all areas..accounting, front office, hskp, kitchen,..maybe this was just my interpertations..or stereotype...just like folks think all blacks are alike...but we know differnt....

laughing at you calling them aggressive & clingy...we all have our definitions...I guess I dealt with the "older groups" ..nosy and pushy..and greedy...

Even now chick in the office next to me...you tell her you need something...1st thing she want to say is..ok...for a $1.00 (chuckle, chuckle)...I'm like bitch the company pays us...get the fuck outta here!!.....

and this has been my experience...with them always, greedy & slick (shit-starters)...fuck that!!..ugh it irks me... (truly)

sorry don't mean to offend anyone...but this my take...

[HulaSista]

i'm not doubting what you're saying because when i worked for the state it was like that. but i was always the fly on the wall with them, per se; close enough to find out what they are up to but far away that they dont invite me to do anything cause they had their cliques, and that was fine by me (always fine by me for someone to leave me alone).

[sistuhchey]

**off the subject**

and if i was to look at it deeper....I'd pretty much say...I have issuses with those that work, that speak their dialect, language on business / company time....and their job is not as an interperter.....I've yet to receive / down load import/ analyze one file in a foreign language...so please don't huddle, conspire in my presence about work..(non-english)

US don't pay in foreign currency

[Pamalicious]

I'm social and I like eating lunch with folks. Our office is somewhat split by race and all of us put in our Intergration hours as necessary.

A couple of folks that I am close to outside of work - who also worked here have left. So I lost my lunch companions. Cutting back I started eating in the Breakroom so I ended up getting sucked into having lunch with Toubob. Its a neutral ground, we eat we shoot the neutral breeze and that's it - but sometimes (like now) - I get tired. Say what you will but we just do, talk, and be about different things. I wanna sit back and eat and talk about President Obama and all the offshoot conversation from a Black perspective about him. Cant' do that with them because they been trippin since he got the nomination and don't exactly know WHY it's so important to us.

So on and off I've been branching off and doing other things. There are instances when I just wanna be with my own people talking in our language about our lives and what's important to us.

Like now. All this week, I've been eating with the other Black folks because two of them went and we have just been grooving. Now the Toubob are looking all crazy, but I don't really feel nothing about the whole situation. I can move back and forth based on topic and vibe with everybody.

Then like today one comes up to me and tells this story and prefaces it with "I have a funny story to tell you"

She is the Aunt of Triplets of Jewish Ancestory. One of them is a bit darker than the other two.

She's telling me about them learning about Civil Rights and what not because of MLK Day and President Obama.

Their Mom was telling them in Kindergarten they would be riding the bus and looped it into Rosa Parks story.

One of the Triplets asks do they still make Blacks sit in the back of the bus
She answers No
Triplet goes: Good cause I was about to start worrying about XYZ/other Triplet.
XYZ/other Triplet goes: I'm not THAT Dark

She then proceeds to fall out laughing (my coworker) and I'm sitting there not really sure how to react and then I felt like exactly at what point did you think that story would be cute to me. I mean I'm not the cumbahyah in this office, lol

So I checked her by just telling her I understood her intent and Kids say the darnest things and I'm not offended because I know you, but that story might best be kept among personal friends and family - it really might not fly in the open forum.

She looked at me like I had grown two heads and scurried away.

I'm in limbo right now cause I just don't feel like the questions about Aretha's hat, why would whole generations go to the Inauguration, and then just basic white girl conversation. I need a break YET this is the office and I don't need any drama either.....:blast:afro

[HulaSista]

tell that auntie of the triplets to have her darker niece read songs of solomon... that one's dark skin got her the most wise king to ever live!!!!

[sistuhchey]

I told her it's a Sunday "going to church hat"...very tradtional in the black community...just like the queen of england...and other traditional attire at "tea-time" for those in england....:rolleyes: