Old friends of the opposite sex

[lovely]

When you are in a serious relationship do you keep your friends of the opposite sex? These friends could be past lovers that you are still close to... in a nonsexual relationship. Or just "friends" from your past.

I was talking to this guy last night...and i mentioned my guy "friends" and he said. "When we get serious..you aint gone be hanging out with those "friends". And i said." i can understand making new friends of the opposite sex...but those friends from my past..they gone always be a part of my life whether i am single, in a serious relationship or married." And he said..."And women want to know why men wont commit to them. Why are we gone want to be with a women who has a bunch of men "friends"?

What do ya'll think?

[Qjai]

well, if it was switched and he had girl friends that he hung with, called, etc. how would that be for you?
And keep in mind how woman can be.....:D

[shtalker]

If they are non-sexual friends why not keep them in your life. If this guy doesn't work out those friends will be there for you.
I would keep mine.

[nubianx2]

Do you cease to be yourself just because you're in a relationship? I think not. Your non-sexual friendships should continue, with those persons being respectful of you and your new relationship.

[Tastey]

I don't think you should end the friendships but you may want to limit the contact with the friends.

I have lots of male friends, actually more male than female, but when I am in a relationship my male friends understand that my time with them may be limited due to the relationship.

They can still call, and we can still hang out at times, but when I'm in a relationship of course I don't have time to talk to them everyday, or hang out with them 2 or 3 times a week.

The times that I have had male friends who didn't understand that it was because they were jealous of the relationship and trying to get out of the "friend zone" themselves. lol :p

[mystkev]

When I have a boyfriend I don't end my relationships w/my female friends and I wouldn't end the relationships w/my male friends. My new guy would just have to understand that these people are part of my life, if he cannot except that he can see his way out.

[lovely]

Originally posted by Qjai+
well, if it was switched and he had girl friends that he hung with, called, etc. how would that be for you?
And keep in mind how woman can be.....:D

I thought about that...but i believe thats where the trust in a relationship comes to play. Just like men know how other men are...i know how women are. If a woman is after my "man" then i have to trust him. Hey..i proably wouldnt want him to be conversing with a woman that i know wants him (and id be sure to tell him so) but i have to trust him..and if i had a problem with trusting him..then that says a whole lot about our relationship and where its headed...nowhere! Now i would think that if a man or woman is in a relationship and another "friend" is trying to get with him/her...then they would put an end to that relationship. If he is really committed to that person. Right?

[D2daO2da]

I don't see what the problem is. What does he think you are supposed to do cut the whole world off because he is insecure. Keep your friends. Even if they are Ex's.

Sometimes people make better friends than lovers.

d

[que90nek]

it depends on what type of FRIENDS these truly are....if they are part of your stable....you should cut them back tremendously, but maintain email/phone contact. it kinds depends on the FRIEND...how cool they actually are. some guys are part of the girls stable and when the reality that they are not really the only one...sets in...they can trip.

[Mocha]

It is neive of a man to think a women does not have male friends. I mean some people meet males at college, work, church..I mean I think it is sad that we feel like all men do is want the pussy, a majority yeah but some women are like that too.

I mean give it a rest. A women or a man should not have to give up the friends of opposite sex. I mean introduce your friend to your mate, if your friend does things that are unacceptable to your mate then, you need to talk to that friend, or let that friend go if s/he is pushing up on you.

But I have a few male friends and I introduce my mate to them, so he know exactly who they are.

[dns70]

I don't think, as part of a committed relationship, that there is a lot of room for hanging out with your friends of the opposite sex. I don't think there is a lot of room for talking on the phone with them a lot either. You have to put yourself in your significant other's shoes. It's uncomfortable and your asking him/her to be very secure about a situation that he/she doesn't have any control over.

I think if you have friends of the opposite sex, they should be kept at a distance. The friends should respect this also. E-mails, the occasional phone call, double dates perhaps. I just think it's respectful and considerate of the person you're involved with.

[dulce]

well, I don't change for anyone...I keep my male friends and make sure they know my S/O...especially since I usually give a lot of functions and my boys will be there, folks fall thru for drinks, I run into the fellas out and about, etc....if a man cannot handle my friendships and trust me to keep it at that level, then he is not the right man for me.

[davinci]

this is funny. i believe in not making rules that can't be enforced; however, i have boned many of "friends" when their boyfriends pissed them off or wasn't available.

flip it, would you ladies be o.k. with your s/o keeping ties with an old girlfriend? - what if you knew she still wanted him.

it's delicate. for ol' boy to say this is how it's gonna be is him trying to set unrealistic boundaries, but...as i get older i realize that people have no proper training in courting/relationships/marriage. it's like everyone has a plan b in the wings. i've gone a little past lovely's post, but yall know i'm right.

[mystkev]

I'm not concerned about my man having friends of the opposite sex. Of course he'll get some women that will come on to him, that almost always happen. People are going to do what they want to do there's no way to stop them. If I trust him, what's the problem? If I don't trust him, why am I with him?

[davinci]

Originally posted by mystkev+
I'm not concerned about my man having friends of the opposite sex. Of course he'll get some women that will come on to him, that almost always happen. People are going to do what they want to do there's no way to stop them. If I trust him, what's the problem? If I don't trust him, why am I with him? good point! also dulce's "I keep my male friends and make sure they know my S/O" is a great point, as well.

[Mocha]

This is crazy..

This is all about trust. It is sad when you get into a relationship you have to let old friends go especially if they are male, because your S/O will feel more comfortable.

Now old girlfriends/boyfriends, that still want you, why would anyone be comfortable with allowing them to still talk. I assumed we are talking about legitimate friends, that you are not having sex with or don't even have emotional ties with.

If I can't meet your friend then that is when the problem starts. And if you are spending a great deal of time with this friend then something is not right.

My male friends are there, but we don't hang, out more then I do with my S/O..and that is still true with my female friends.

[dulce]

I assumed we are talking about legitimate friends, that you are not having sex with or don't even have emotional ties with.


Exactly!

[dulce]

dammit, didn't give mocha her props for that quote...

[davinci]

though part of the trust issue, i have had woman not tell the whole truth and when i realized he was the ex, then trust is blown, too. iagree with you, mocha, but i have trust issues anyway. thank the ex.

[Mocha]

Trust is hard.......the ex fucks it up for everybody!!!:(

[swtjamaica]

...that i wouldn't introduce to my S/O...he would know how important these men actually are in my life, and would see that most of them are like blood brothers...that means they are tight with my fam, and if they are tight with fam, they are no threat...

[seductive_tee]

I've always kept my friends......some i just keep at a distance....

[Melotic]

You are dealing wit a insecure man...

[Vronni]

I don't think that you should drop your friends because you're in a relationship but I would probably not hang out with my male friends as much if that was a problem with my man and I would definetely try to include my man in our activities. But if you are going to be in a relationship,there has to be an element of trust. You shouldn't expect someone to just abandon their friends because you are in their life,now.....

[OhSoPrecious]

I've been guilty of just dropping my friends (male & female) for the sake of my S/O (whenever I had one). . and I actually expected him to do the same~!! :rolleyes:

Thank God I've matured~!! :upretty

[HulaSista]

this is the way my wind blows:

when i get an s/o :rolleyes:, he will meet all male and female friends so that he understand how much of an impact i am in their lives and they are in my life. also, they will be able to see things about him and how he interact with me and others that i will not see because they know me better than he does at this point in the relationship.

if he really wants to know who was who and if i had sex with them, then i will tell him. if he don't want to know, he needs not get mad when ever he finds out.

if he wants to build trust in me, he need to come with me to the male friends' parties so he can make himself known and so he can see how we all interact. that way he feels more secure in me having male friends.

and yes i expect him to do the exact same for me. if he doesn't, and slips even a little, then, yes, i will have issues with him and his female friends because he has not helped to establish a foundation for me and them to become friends.