Fam, am I wrong for....

[Reesecup1]

not picking up the phone when my daughter's father called, yesterday?
After the incident with my B/D trying to get back with me, and me letting him know it wasn't gone happen ever again, he stopped calling me.
About a week ago, my daughter's father called, and said that he had went shopping for my daughter, and he had the clothes at his house. He asked me if I would like to come over and get them, which I suggested that he find a ride to my house, and drop the clothes off. He said when he found a ride, he would come by. I haven't heard from him since, until yesterday. My phone rang....His number popped up on my caller I.D....I let it rang until he went into my message center....He didn't leave a message....He never called back.

:blah:

[nubianx2]

Reese,
I don't think I'd answered the phone either, especially since you hadn't heard from him since he was supposedly on his way to drop of some clothes. Sounds to me like the clothes were an excuse to see you not his child.

[Admin]

How long are you gonna fight with this man?

A:5 years
B:10 years
C: Until your daughter is 18
D:All of the above?

Holla
:rolleyes:

[Reesecup1]

To set the record straight, I am not fighting with my B/D. Playtime is over, and I have more important things to be putting my energy into, rather than fight with some n*gga.

[Brightness]

if you're not answering the phone?

You don't have to let him get the upperhand and provoke you into a fight but neither do you need to be dodging his calls like YOU owe HIM money or something. . .you maintain the control of the situation and don't let him having you acting like that.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by admin
How long are you gonna fight with this man?

A:5 years
B:10 years
C: Until your daughter is 18
D:All of the above?

Holla
:rolleyes:


Admin, just because I am not sitting around wasting all my time waiting on my B/D to step up to the plate, and be a father to his child, should not give you the impression, that I am fighting with him. I've moved on, and I am living my life.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by Brightness+
if you're not answering the phone?

You don't have to let him get the upperhand and provoke you into a fight but neither do you need to be dodging his calls like YOU owe HIM money or something. . .you maintain the control of the situation and don't let him having you acting like that.

No it isn't playtime....Why drop what I am doing, to pick up the phone, only to hear what you gone do, and you don't do it. I am a woman of my word....When I say I will do something, I will do it...All I want is for you to be the same with me....Especially, when it involves my daughter...I don't like being lied to, and I'm sure you don't like being lied to, either.

[Brightness]

Do you intend to still not answer his calls or prevent your daughter from receiving his calls when she is of an age to know?

[Reesecup1]

I will have no control over the conversations she has with her father...That's if they have communication at all....I am not preventing my daughter from having ties with her father....He is (as I stated a long time ago) keeping himself from having ties with her. I tell you this, and if it seems messed up to you, oh well, I am not gone allow my daughter, or myself to be lied to. Even though she is too young to understand, I understand, and I don't like it. I'm not going to tolerate it, either.

[que90nek]

what would have been the harm in swinging through to pick some clothes?

he can't make u stay once u get there...can he?

[Brightness]

You do realize a judge wouldn't prevent him from seeing her or contacting her because he's a LIAR. . .instead you'd most likely be seen as the one standing in the way of him forming a relationship. . .just telling you what I know for a fact.

[Brightness]

I'd have left the engine running. . .hell, I might have even asked him to stand outside with his arms outstretched and told him not to lean too close to the car as I drove by and snatched the clothes, beep the horn twice and toss up the peace sign at him in the rearview mirror

Originally posted by que90nek+
what would have been the harm in swinging through to pick some clothes?

he can't make u stay once u get there...can he?

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by que90nek+
what would have been the harm in swinging through to pick some clothes?

he can't make u stay once u get there...can he?

What would have been the harm in him finding a ride over to my place, to drop the clothes off?

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by Brightness+
I'd have left the engine running. . .hell, I might have even asked him to stand outside with his arms outstretched and told him not to lean too close to the car as I drove by and snatched the clothes, beep the horn twice and toss up the peace sign at him in the rearview mirror



I don't want to go through all of that, and that is why I chose not to go over there. My daughter is not hard up for no new clothes.

[que90nek]

well...
its all in good faith...

he made some effort to get her clothes in the first place....if he has no way of gettin around...he had to have already bummed some rides to make this happen.

so for you it would have been harmful to drive by and pick up the clothes?

and really...this is not about NEEDING clothes...this is about establishing a TAKE relationship where he is GIVING something to his daughter.

what is the HARM in that?

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by que90nek+
[QUOTE]he made some effort to get her clothes in the first place....if he has no way of gettin around...he had to have already bummed some rides to make this happen.

He had a way up to the mall, to go buy the clothes, so he can get a way over to my house, to drop the stuff off....Um, if you can't get a ride, there is always a bart to catch, or a bus (which stops dang near in front of my house) If I had of told him I would give him some a**, he sure would have found a way over here. H*ll, he would have walked over to get some. Don't have me go there...I know what I'm dealing with. Trust.

[OhSoPrecious]

I think you guys are being too hard on Reese~!! :rolleyes: Girl, I don't think you were wrong for not answering the phone when he called~!! :hammer

Just like he found a way to the mall to make that purchase, he can find a way to your house to drop them off~!! :upretty

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by OhSoPrecious+
I think you guys are being too hard on Reese~!! :rolleyes: Girl, I don't think you were wrong for not answering the phone when he called~!! :hammer

Just like he found a way to the mall to make that purchase, he can find a way to your house to drop them off~!! :upretty

It's all good. Family, is supposed to be real. I put the thread out there, and I am still rolling with the punches....Besides, I know him, better than anybody up in here. If I thought what I was doing was wrong, I wouldn't be doing it anymore. Obviously, I don't see nothing wrong with how I am dealing with my daughter's father, so I will continue to do what I have to do. I'm the one with the baby by him, I am the one raising my child, I am the one who has to deal with him. Not anyone of yall up in here.

[Bedroomeyes]

Well.... I know all too well about a deadbeat dad.. But believe me... You don't know how good you got it! He calls once a week and he buys clothes!! Girl please!! I would have been over there so quick to get my daughter's stuff!! Not because she needs it.. But because it is owed to her!! So he's being an ass and saying he doesn't have a ride.. Girl, let that shit roll right off your back and swing by and pick up her stuff! Myself, I probably would have offered to come and get it anyway so I ain't stuck waiting on the nigga to show!

It seems like you still have some issues with him, and it's not all about your child.. You said a week passed before he called again.. Please, try 2-3 months passing like my daughter's father.. :rolleyes: What is done is done, but next time, pick up the phone and show him you have grown pass the silliness.. And if he comes through or not, it's still all good because she will still be taken care of!! :fu (Just something I tell my own trifling baby daddy.. ;) )

[que90nek]

Originally posted by OhSoPrecious+
I think you guys are being too hard on Reese~!! :rolleyes: Girl, I don't think you were wrong for not answering the phone when he called~!! :hammer

Just like he found a way to the mall to make that purchase, he can find a way to your house to drop them off~!! :upretty

please tell me how ASKING QUESTIONS is being hard on reese....

whatever the answer is....it's on her. i mean it isnt like she ever answered my questions.

[swtjamaica]

Originally posted by Reesecup+


No it isn't playtime....Why drop what I am doing, to pick up the phone, only to hear what you gone do, and you don't do it.

that answer is easy...for the sake of your daughter...MAKE that nigga be a man of his word by going to pick up whatever he has for your daughter when he says he has it....by doing that, you are forcing him to really have what he says and if not, you can honestly say you gave it a try, make like lee and press on...

[seductive_tee]

Let me say this, I have been through this exact same situation, only difference, he had a car but want me to come get them.....

Anyway, what time did he call that u did not pick up?

My daughter's father plays this game, calling me at 11, 12, 1 at night to ask me some dumb question...half the time i don't even answer because i know he don't want a damn thing but to see if i'm home, who here after he done drove past the house and saw that my car was here.

Reese, i feel exactly what you saying...now would i have picked up the clothes, sure would have, but on my time. I'd let him know when and what time i'd be by to get them. When i get there i'd honk the horn, have him bring them out, i might look at them to make sure they the right size (u know men, always getting the wrong size, or whoever he had get them got the wrong size) say thank you and be out, with a smile on my face.

What's there to be angry and bitter about....

If the he felt the clothes were that important for his daughter, they would have been there the same day he got them.

[Reesecup1]

If the he felt the clothes were that important for his daughter, they would have been there the same day he got them.

The reasons why I didn't go over to my B/D house to get the clothes, has nothing to do with me harboring anger and being bitter towards him. I have nothing against the man. Besides, I am going off of someone else's transportation, not my own. For those who don't know, I HAVE NO VEHICLE for the time being. I am not about to ask mom's if I can use her car, to go over there, to pick up some S***, that he should have, and could have brought over to my crib anyways. As was stated earlier, if he wanted his daughter to have the S***, he would have found a way the same day that he got the S***. The ones who said that I should go over there and get the S***, if you have a car, and you live near me, I would be glad to go over there, if you would like to give me a ride. Let me know what's up. Holla!!

[seductive_tee]

Ok, i didn't know u didn't have a car...

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+
Ok, i didn't know u didn't have a car...

No I don't have a car....Still, that is not all of the reason, why I didn't go over there to pick it up. If I did have a car, I PROBABLY would have drove over there, called him to tell him I was outside, snatched the clothes, replied with a thank-you, and peeled off.

[djackso]

Why don't you tell him how you feel? Men know when a woman is serious or not.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by djackso+
Why don't you tell him how you feel? Men know when a woman is serious or not.

I've already tried....One too many times....As with most men, if it's not being something said that they want to hear, what I say will just go through the left ear and out the right.

[djackso]

Women can make a man feel two inches tall if they want to.

[mack_black]

Originally posted by djackso+
Women can make a man feel two inches tall if they want to.

That would depend on how deep the man feels for the woman......

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by djackso+
Why don't you tell him how you feel? Men know when a woman is serious or not.

I agree with this, you just have to be stern with it...some are hard of hearing though.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+


I agree with this, you just have to be stern with it...some are hard of hearing though.

He's not hard of hearing....He wants to hear what he wants to hear....If he doesn't like what is being said to him, he doesn't want to hear me at all. I have gotten tired of being nice, tired of talking, and tired of hearing the same old bull****. Like I told him, if I wanted, I can cut off all ties....I know, I know, that wouldn't be fair to my daughter....Who cares, it isn't like she knows him anyway, and it isn't like he is breaking his neck over here to see her....


If there is any reason why I would be harboring anger towards him, would be because he is not making an effort to come see his daughter, and spend time with her. That is why I am the way I am. I'm not like those psychotic type B/M who if they can't be with their B/D, they use the child against him. I don't want that booty a** nigga. He ain't got no job, no car. I mean I don't have a car either, but I'm working to get a car, and handle mines. H*ll, I wish he come get her. That'll give my butt a break, and I can get into the things that I would like to.

[que90nek]

reese....

keep talking.

u have our undivided attention.

reese, i don't know this guy. but i do know that in some situations you have to be the one at the table with the SENSE...the one that knows what the greater good is....the one willing to put up with a lil bit of BS for the sake of having that relationship that you never had....(with dad)....you are better than him...u deserve more than him, but ... he is the ONLY real father your daughter will ever know. you may bring in a replacement, but...he will never be the REAL FATHER. So....let's accept what has happened...let's make efforts because we are the adults in this situation...because we have common sense and are moving on with life...
Can you find any value added in a (any) DAUGHTER'S relationship with her FATHER?

[Reesecup1]

True he will be her only real father, but what is the meaning to being a real father, if you are not taking care of your responsibility. In my book, he is a sperm donor. A real father will provide for his family, especially his children, making sure that his children have the necessities that they need.

[HulaSista]

they all gotta start some where, boo.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by HulaSista+
they all gotta start some where, boo.

I had to start somewhere too, but I started, and I am still doing it. How much d*mn time does a brother need, to step up to the plate. By the time he realizes his responsibility, my daughter will be grown, moved on out, married with children. I will probably be dead. It's important that you take an active role in a child's life while you have the chance. If something were to happen to my daughter, my B/D would feel like a failure ( if he already doesn't) for not being in my daughter's life.

[Tastey]

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand why there is all this drama over a phone call. :confused:

No man is going to do what you think he should, when you think he should, or how you think he should.

This situation is very simple. If he won't bring the clothes and you won't pick up the clothes...your child doesn't get the clothes. END OF STORY.

When he calls if you want to know what he wants...answer the phone...if you truly don't want to know...don't answer the phone.
Why are you spending time 2nd guessing, and rehashing previous situations.

In my opinion you are creating unneccessary drama in a situation that is already drama filled.

Talk to him...set some guidelines for visitation...if he follows them he can be in his daughters life...if he doesn't he can't.

Put on Mary J Blige's CD and sing with me

*NO MORE DRAMA....NO MORE DRAMA* :upretty

[que90nek]

Originally posted by Reesecup+


I had to start somewhere too, but I started, and I am still doing it. How much d*mn time does a brother need, to step up to the plate. By the time he realizes his responsibility, my daughter will be grown, moved on out, married with children. I will probably be dead. It's important that you take an active role in a child's life while you have the chance. If something were to happen to my daughter, my B/D would feel like a failure ( if he already doesn't) for not being in my daughter's life.

well...he just got out of jail...and a situation where he couldnt even be there for himself.....now is the time....now is the time to take that role...and now is the time for you to let by gones be by gones....and do what's best.

[dulce]

reese, I do not feel like you were wrong for not answering the phone. everybody has those moments when they just don't feel like dealing with the okey-doke...and who's to say that he even really had some clothes for your daughter? seen that game played and it's just bootsy...but I would tell him the next time you do talk to him that he needs to be consistent in her life - $$ & clothes, etc aside - what she really needs is him showing a sincere interest in her life...but I'm sure you've had that conversation with him before...just wanted you to know that I feel ya, sis...

[Brightness]

If it seems like I was being hard on you by asking pointed questions then I would like to apologize for that. . .not for having my opinion.

I don't know your age but if I'm not mistaken you have a young(er) child so you might be a little 'fresher' out of the gate than those single mother's like myself who have 12 years of the type of bullshit you are going through and have been able to get off the merry-go-'round years ago. I know when my daughter was young it was harder on me and it angered me more but I was able to realize that as much as I hope or pray her father will be the way he is. And for the record, the bullshit hasn't stopped. . .it's just gotten funnier to me as opposed to making me angry. And taking the wind out of his sails like that makes HIM angry and I find that even funnier.

Although, there are some who hold on to the bitterness. . .I have a co-worker who has been caught up in bullshit with her daughter's father since day one and the child is going to be 18. I got so tired of hearing her rant and re-hash about this man not doing this or not doing that. I finally told her I guess when Jennifer turns 18 in June, you aren't going to have much to talk about that doesn't get done. What's your focus going to be then? Do you plan to rewind and talk about How much he didn't do when she was 2? How he never did this when she was 10? Let it go already!

The child is already here, you can't change that. . .he's her father, you can't change that. . .he's a grown man and will do what he wants to do, you can't change that. What you do have the ability to do is change how you react to what he does and the level to which he angers you. If he already isn't shit, then you should accept that and move on. . .it makes life a whole lot easier.

I agree the children don't deserve this type of treatment from the father's but hey that's one of the risks that came with getting pregnant. Just move forward in a positive manner and let him do his thang. In time he may come around or he may not. If he doesn't nothing was lost and if he does you've been pleasantly surprised.

I hope all works out in your situation however you choose to let it play out.

[misha]

My child is 23 years old, and she has talked to her father twice in her entire life. Once at age 4 and once at age 21.

I have never had to say anything bad about this man, for his actions have told the story. He has never done anything for her. Nothing. And the one time they did talk, he spent the entire time trying to get her to buy him a car in her name, get him credit in her name...

I have paid the price of having this child alone ten fold. And he will pay the price for a lifetime.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by Tastey+
Maybe I'm missing something but I don't understand why there is all this drama over a phone call. :confused:

No man is going to do what you think he should, when you think he should, or how you think he should.

This situation is very simple. If he won't bring the clothes and you won't pick up the clothes...your child doesn't get the clothes. END OF STORY.

When he calls if you want to know what he wants...answer the phone...if you truly don't want to know...don't answer the phone.
Why are you spending time 2nd guessing, and rehashing previous situations.

In my opinion you are creating unneccessary drama in a situation that is already drama filled.

Talk to him...set some guidelines for visitation...if he follows them he can be in his daughters life...if he doesn't he can't.

Put on Mary J Blige's CD and sing with me

*NO MORE DRAMA....NO MORE DRAMA* :upretty

Maybe you should go back to the 1st page of this thread, and look at the ? I posed for you all. This thread is not about "Drama over a phone call" I asked a simple ? so I could get a response.

As far as what I think a man should and shouldn't do, a man who loves his children, will consider what the mother thinks he should and shouldn't do, for the sake of his children. If he didn't, what is that showing the child. If I suggest something to my B/D that I feel he should do, it's not for my sake, it's for my daughter's sake.

And about them clothes, that is over with, and a done deal. My daughter is not walking around here butt (bucket) naked.

Because I trully didn't want to know what he wanted when he called, is the only reason why I didn't answer the phone.

About your opinion, regarding me creating unneccessary drama, is how you think, and that is fine with me. In my opinion, I am getting rid of the drama, by doing what I am and have been doing, and that is maintaining my military silence.

[Tastey]

Reese don't take offense to my words...I am just a very blunt person.

I read all 3 pages of this DRAMA...sorry hun but that's what it is.

You just said "A man who loves his children will..."

That's trying to decide based on YOUR OPINION of how a man is supposed to love his child what he is going to do. Gets you into trouble everytime...Trust.

As Brightness said some of us have been dealing with deadbeat father's a looooooong time. We say what we say not to belittle you but to try to save you some of the DRAMA we've already experienced.

The reason I know DRAMA when I see DRAMA is because I've lived it...hate to see you go through it too...but Hey, to each his own.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by Tastey+
Reese don't take offense to my words...I am just a very blunt person.

I read all 3 pages of this DRAMA...sorry hun but that's what it is.

You just said "A man who loves his children will..."

That's trying to decide based on YOUR OPINION of how a man is supposed to love his child what he is going to do. Gets you into trouble everytime...Trust.

As Brightness said some of us have been dealing with deadbeat father's a looooooong time. We say what we say not to belittle you but to try to save you some of the DRAMA we've already experienced.

The reason I know DRAMA when I see DRAMA is because I've lived it...hate to see you go through it too...but Hey, to each his own.

I am a very blunt person as well... Call it what cha want, but I know what I am dealing with. Thank you anyways.

[FoxEMomma]

Girl, I know what you are going thru.

I say, u doing the right thing. If he can get a ride to get the clothes, he can get a ride to drop off the clothes.

Sounds like a set up to me, him tryin to get you over there.

Girl, hold your ground. Do what YOU feel is right.

[djackso]

Originally posted by Reesecup+


I've already tried....One too many times....As with most men, if it's not being something said that they want to hear, what I say will just go through the left ear and out the right.

From a distance it sounds like a dick & pussy game. Reminds me of a time my neighbor keep playing with his son's mother asking her to come over to pick up stuff then trying to get some. One day she pulled up with her new man in the car. Left the car running, honked the horn, got out, left the door open then went up the porch grabbed the bag & jumped back in the car then left. He heard her loud & clear!

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by FoxEMomma+
Girl, I know what you are going thru.

I say, u doing the right thing. If he can get a ride to get the clothes, he can get a ride to drop off the clothes.

Sounds like a set up to me, him tryin to get you over there.

Girl, hold your ground. Do what YOU feel is right.

Amen! Finally, someone who not only knows what I am going through, but has been there and knows how I feel. Thank you for what you just posted. That really made my day.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by djackso+


From a distance it sounds like a dick & pussy game. Reminds me of a time my neighbor keep playing with his son's mother asking her to come over to pick up stuff then trying to get some. One day she pulled up with her new man in the car. Left the car running, honked the horn, got out, left the door open then went up the porch grabbed the bag & jumped back in the car then left. He heard her loud & clear!

I know my B/D better than he knows himself, okay...because I didn't go over there, and I made it loud and clear that I had no feelings for him in that way, he hasn't approached me since. I know what kind of games are being played okay. I know what's up, and that's why I have been rolling along with it.