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knowledge7
03-12-2002, 11:34 AM
This woman


So beautiful, yet so fierce when she strides,
Walking as if she got a million black men by her side,

And by the way she keeps her head high, I can tell she got class,
High heels compliment her thighs, while she switching that ass,

Old men wave as she walk pass, this woman is like Love,
Like a rhyme out of my mouth, or a hand with no glove,

So bare, I stare, with these deep eyes, so in awe,
Beauty of a black stallion with a white blaze on each paw,

5 blocks from my car, and yet I haven’t said one word,
right here, this woman walks and yet I haven’t got one urge,

Nor have I heard - of, or seen a woman with this attraction,
The scent of JASMIN, my action was to approach with calm passion,

This woman had me reacting to vibes, without knowing or have SEEN,
me walking behind, eyes on the back of her trouser seams,

And it seems- as if she is talking to me, King why won’t you speak,
Why do you forsake my offerings and act as if you weak,

I hear and I listen, sounds as if she whispering,
I speed up to see if her lips move, not a word but the lip gloss on her lips glistening,

Hope she didn’t notice me, too late, think smart, think fast,
How is your day going Queen, she seemed surprised that I asked,

She pulled out her bus pass, and I watched her glance at my style of dress,
This woman couldn’t hide that smiled that showed she was quite impressed,

But that didn’t matter, at this point, I was beyond game,
The light changed and I lost focus, almost forgot to mention my name,

We crossed the street and we walked in step, so I felt the urge to introduce,
Myself to her mind, used my looks to catch her eyes, but my words got her loose,


We both stopped at the crosswalk, she spoke words of my desire,
With every bit of courage I had I gave her my all in 2 minutes entire,

I felt as if I sold my life story to this woman,
I want to make love to this woman,

I want to understand this woman, fuck her body, give me your mind,
As the words exit my mouth and enters her ears, my thoughts recline,

Better yet rewind, and I find that this woman, unbearably attractive,
Is only a tad bit backwards, when I ask questions as if,

She was ready for this relationship or whatever you want to call this thing,
Or was she just posing for the length and size of the way this D*** swang,

Posing just to find fame, with an attitude that puts another woman to shame,
But in all actuality, she only does it to get what she can gain,

I could tell by the way she introduced her self and spoke of her name, she was real,
Singing to herself, brand new disc-man, singing “The Way You Make Me Feel”

Mad whip appeal, should I approach or leave her waiting for Mr. Right,
Mr. Right might have to be substituted cause I ain’t perfect, but I will do what I was taught was right,

Walked up to her and introduced my mind and we vibed so hard we ended up not going back to work,
Ate lunch, she had two plates.. and STILL room for dessert,

Being a good flirt, I laced my hands around her so gently to place her coat on her back,
Pressed my body against hers and felt her warmth, as she smacked her hair across my face, honestly, I got side tracked,

Okay slow down… wait to see how she react, Knowledge you got to slow down,
Its good you feeling her but now you got to see how she wants to get down,

So I turned around, proceeded to the door of the fancy restaurant,
Opened the door to the escalade, with no intentions to flaunt,


She hopped in, our destination, she didn’t care,
So I took her to the park, we sat, she talked, while I could only stare,

It was not a stare in awe, but then again, it was,
I never saw it there before, maybe because she had me on a natural buzz,

Or was it lustful love, that this married woman seeks,
Cause her man won’t handle his business and her last option is to creep,

Makes you think, a man married to a woman this good looking,
Won’t accept her inner beauty, when all she wants is conversation,

A strong King to help rue her nation, why couldn’t I be that one,
She noticed me staring, cried and gave a detailed explanation,

She said that her man didn’t know how to please,
All he knew was honey here are the new keys, and How many G’s?,

But never knew that the only keys she wanted was to his heart,
He would never open up, because he didn’t know where to start,

So as a man of God, I did my part, left her alone,
Kept it as friends, out for lunch, short conversations on the phone,

Tired of being alone, tired of coming home to emptiness,
Where is my life, besides this music shyt,

I sit lonely, just watching my daughter wrestle with her toys,
As I prepare her for tomorrow, I hear the phone above all the noise,

I quickly pick it up..to my surprise there she was,
Talking sweet with that voice, picturing her lips, got me buzzed,

Don’t talk she said, just listen…I sat down,
She gave commands that turned me on, by the end I was naked from the head down,

As she talked I felt her prescence, her inner essence, growing closer, with every heartbeat I lay full of questions,

This woman, My peace, Her offers, MY needs,
Her pain, My struggles, Her strain, This is MY CREED,

Come as one, unconditionally to reach a higher level,
To remain at a higher state, where bass is determined by heaven’s tremble,

As I lay there naked thinking about this woman and how she made me feel,
I couldn’t help but touch my body and squeal,

I hear silence with a chase of Stilletto’s heels, beating down on the sidewalk,
Followed by a knock on the door, and a familiar form of talk,

I place on the robe and some woman’s voice tells me to remove my robe,
I let it go, walked to the door and felt my hand grab hold,

That doorknob so slow-----heart beating faster as I open it,
It was her, should have seen my face, so bright and so lit,

She rushed me in the house, Of course I went along easily,
She sat me down on the couch and we talked for hours bout 2 or 3,

At the end she broke to one knee, eyes burning, tears forming,
Nose running, the whole moment time going,

My blood flowing, surprised, shocked, but still full of questions,
As soon as I released my thought though questions, she popped THE QUESTION,

I couldn’t understand, first you lied and said you had a man, marred with children,
Now you come to me with open arms, on one knee, with roses proposing?

I don’t know YOU like that, but yet you throw yourself like a Frisbee,
She got off her knee and grabbed my collar and tried to kiss me,

But the doorbell intervened; she rose and started to run,
I hops to the door to answer it in my robe, to find that it is her husband,

He didn’t come for the drama, but only to drop off his wedding band,
Her puzzled, looked at me with disgust, while he left after shaking my hand,

Confused again, with no words, she kissed my cheek,
Whispered thank you in my ear, then waved good bye to my daughter while she lay there sleep,

I turned around and she was gone,
Now I sit and think about what it meant to yearn for somebody, and how not having them makes your days feel long,

Long in a way that it makes you feel abandoned from love,
All I ever really wanted was love.

Is that too much to ask for

Sparkles
03-12-2002, 11:47 AM
sparkles standing up giving knowledge a standing"O"vation...:beer

swtjamaica
03-12-2002, 03:59 PM
...witcha sparkles!!! man, you are lyrically tight...

Tastey
03-12-2002, 06:52 PM
...

...

...

Speechless my brother....you got me speechless.

knowledge7
03-13-2002, 04:16 AM
But I got to get some feedback.. I am tryignto enter this into this contest. What did you make of it.. Could you see the events happening as you read it?

que90nek
03-13-2002, 05:01 AM
nice.

good progression....there was a couple places where the verbage didnt match...let me go back and look...damn...i can't find it....
seems like this is more of a performance piece...at first but as it goes on...the progression of events was excellent....had me on edge...wondering if they would....do it! if they would get caught...what would happen....at first i thought she was a chicken head....impressed by escalades and the way he is dressed....but the progression.....was good.


i think the ending left a little to be desired...the last sentence is cool.....but the ones right before it...could be said better.

"Now I sit and think about what it meant to yearn for somebody, and how not having them makes your days feel long,

Long in a way that it makes you feel abandoned from love, "

clean this up...maybe its that last statement that bothers me...

knowledge7
03-13-2002, 05:06 AM
Yeah... you right.. I didn't even see that.. Good looking out Que. I will PM you the new and improved one

Tastey
03-13-2002, 05:39 PM
Originally posted by knowledge7
Yeah... you right.. I didn't even see that.. Good looking out Que. I will PM you the new and improved one

I wanna see too Knowledge. :)

lightandlovely1
03-13-2002, 06:33 PM
Knowledge this was quite good, I did read to follow the story line. I'll have to read it a few more times to really get a good critique of it.

HulaSista
03-13-2002, 06:36 PM
is it me, or did you guys say:

he naked right there in front of his daughter? :eek:

that one blew me away.....

poor child... had to see her daddy nikkid.....

knowledge7
03-14-2002, 03:49 AM
Originally posted by HulaSista+
is it me, or did you guys say:

he naked right there in front of his daughter? :eek:

that one blew me away.....

poor child... had to see her daddy nikkid.....

now you know I ain't have my daughter looking at me naked.. you got to get deep into the dag on thing boo.. go deeper...

HulaSista
03-14-2002, 08:18 AM
okay... i'll re read it, but, it just seem kinda interesting that you got hard, and subsequently nikkid all on the same evening starting from a phone call and subsequent visit from "this woman" and your daughter was sitting there playing.

knowledge7
03-14-2002, 11:44 AM
Originally posted by HulaSista+
okay... i'll re read it, but, it just seem kinda interesting that you got hard, and subsequently nikkid all on the same evening starting from a phone call and subsequent visit from "this woman" and your daughter was sitting there playing.


You must want to fight....

Seriously. shoudl I reword that ....

PecanTan
03-14-2002, 12:07 PM
It was very good, kept me wanting to read more, I got a little lost towards the end, the proposal, the husband coming, kind of through me for a minute. But I found my way back, overall it was a good read. :upretty

HulaSista
03-14-2002, 03:55 PM
Originally posted by knowledge7



You must want to fight....

Seriously. shoudl I reword that ....

i don't want to fight. ;) don't reword it. i am the exception of the majority.

it is STILL a great poem. that part marks the beginning of getting lost and being thrown. i thought it was the end and them BAM you took me for another ride.

scenarios often happen as such. flashing right before your eyes. that is how i felt it.

knowledge7
03-15-2002, 03:39 AM
thank you for the critisism(sp)

que90nek
03-15-2002, 07:18 AM
right...

there are flashes...memories....very realistic with how we think....i mean...who thinks sequentially? this is a story that is told...and understood straight from a person's memory (no exact sequence...no exact detail...perfect).....and that is why it works.

you wouldnt describe a scene and go through it the same way...

am i makin any sense?

HulaSista
03-15-2002, 08:08 AM
yeah you make sense... that is how i felt the story. it took a 3rd read to come to this, though. i think the fact that its a poem written in a "flash back mode" helps clue in to how the story is being told. he started sequential and then did a one-two double take at the end which added a nice spark. i think the length help to add to the suspense of wanting this man out of his misery...yet...wondering what he/they go do next.

que90nek
03-15-2002, 09:43 AM
right...
thats why this piece is better PERFORMED....

a lil bit of acting and stage walking....will clear all this up.....

knowledge7
03-18-2002, 07:14 AM
Originally posted by que90nek+
right...
thats why this piece is better PERFORMED....

a lil bit of acting and stage walking....will clear all this up.....


Whew.. ya'll giving me big ideas.....

RaiOfSunshine
03-19-2002, 03:30 PM
Very nice poem. I can visualize the whole story.