What do You say?!?!?!

[Sparkles]

What do you say to a friend if you know their S/O is cheating?! I usually wouldn't say anything because it isn't my place, however this person has said numerous of times " I want to know" to me and I know. To make matter worse, the friend is a relative.....:confused:

[nubianx2]

If you have solid proof that in fact that cheating is going on, then I'd let my relative know. Especially since they've asked to be told.

[mystkev]

I would not say anything, that's between the two of them. The friend shouldn't even be asking you.

[Sparkles]

if the S/o knows you aren't going to say anyting and keeps doing stuff in your face?!?!?!?

Originally posted by mystkev+
I would not say anything, that's between the two of them. The friend shouldn't even be asking you.

[Mocha]

If I saw it for my own eyes, or talk to a women who is messing with him...I would let him know, I see her or I heard this about you...I would do that because I want him to know that I am telling

But I gives a fuck, if I see you I am telling...now if you don't listen, then I probably would stay out of it after that, but it would never be said that I didn't tell my friend or my relative about what's going on.

[mystkev]

I would have to let the s/o know that I don't appreciate that they are bringing that shit in my face, if they continue I will have to tell. I'd try to get a videotape or something and show it to my friend. You know how people sometimes don't want to face facts. Your friend already knows that their s/o is cheating or else they wouldn't keep asking you.

[Sparkles]

Originally posted by mystkev+
I would have to let the s/o know that I don't appreciate that they are bringing that shit in my face, if they continue I will have to tell. I'd try to get a videotape or something and show it to my friend. You know how people sometimes don't want to face facts. Your friend already knows that their s/o is cheating or else they wouldn't keep asking you.

Girl you are so right about your above statement. She doesn't keep asking me about him cheating, just when we have talked about relationsjip before she has always said she wanted to know.

I do have to add though, I think she knows already because a lot of things don't add up, however, as long she she doesn't see it, she doesn' t have to deal with it, i guess.

[CD]

Tell'em that you know danm well if your man/woman is cheating. Note: not cheat, but cheating. Everybody knows the deal they just in denial or playing stupid. She how he/she responds.

[que90nek]

well...

it would depend on how you KNOW he is cheating....

[seductive_tee]

Keep your camera with you,,,take a picture and say HERE YA GO.

[Andre98]

I would be inclined to say I'd leave it alone, but I know it's because I am not in your shoes. By the way, the thread started with a distinct absence of gender. How did it get assumed this was a man cheating on a woman? Of course, I am swayed that way too, funny how we tend to do that. Also, it tends to look like they are not married if you use "S/O". Dating or engaged is not the bond marriage is. And how long, or how well the married is going is a factor too. It also looks like the cheater doesn't know that you know.

If it was me, and the S/O was a man, and the S/Oness is that they are married, and if I had conclusive proof, I'd confront the man himself, as a family thing. If I hated his guts, and never wanted my relative to marry him in the first place, I'd probably be destructive and tell her, but the denial thing will make ya wish you had never opened your mouth. Like the previous posts have said, people say they want to know, but it could be a one time thing, and their love could be strong enough to overcome it. They would resent you for being a rat. And if they have kids together that are presently a young age, I would not want the emotional and financial upheaval of a divorce to be any of my instigation. What if you tell her, and then leave her alone to confront him? It could go down any number of ways that would have you regretting involvement: They could have a physical fight, he beat her, or she pull a kitchen knife on him, or she could keep it welled up in her until she whomps him with a frying pan at the dinner table, or "Lorena Bobbitt" him in the middle of the night, ... I'm saying all this to illustrate something that could happen that you would have never thought possible before you sprung such an emotionally volatile element on them. You didn't create the water but you are going to be the one "breaking the dam" so to speak. Ms Shy and Quiet could turn into Mrs. Al Green/ Mrs Brenda Ritchie. It's also likely that no other family member would want to let you know a personal secret about them from then on. Everybody, aunts and uncles, all the old folks of the family, all will have an opinion, about the couple, and about you. Who wants the rep, as unfair as it would be, of having helped mess up "our happy family"?

How would you have conclusive proof anyway? Is it an escort service/hooker, or you saw them at a motel, or kissing like lovers in a restaurant/bar? I would never, never ever ever act on another person's word that they saw him. So I guess that is a way of understanding how the person that you tell may not believe you. If there is any public display of the cheater's affections, they are putting themselves at risk of being found out. Again, depending on the situation, if it was something where you could predict the next time you knew they were going to rendevous, would you consider walking up to them and saying "Hey, fancy meeting you here" ( or something less white), and in the course of howdy-do's turn to the other person and introduce yourself. (Have a good excuse for why you are there too, especially if it is a makeout motel !) Then, without any fire and brimstone, you have let the "cheater" know that you know. If you play it light and cheery, like you don't suspect anything, he would have to fess up to you in order to beg you not to tell Chee-Chee. At the very least, they'll be sweating about the other shoe dropping. If this cheat partner of theirs at first glance looks "scandalous", you know what I mean, has that body/style of dress/etc.... that screams sex, no other words have to be said. That gives you three options: Do nothing, let the cheater know, or let the person being wronged know.

Dang, I wrote too much, but if you are going to give advice, put some meat on it! Its just that so many variables factor in. That old phrase that something isn't illegal until you get caught weighs in heavy here. Have you all seen that TV show, "The Job", where Dennis Leary's character is cheating on his wife (and kids) with fine ass Karyn Parsons? The wife is nice too, they don't let you feel it's a "justified cheat" or anything. It goes on, hovering inches from disaster, and all I can think is, the wife isn't hurt yet. I am waiting for this to get found out, because anyway you slice it, the wife is the one being hurt. The big question for you, Sparkles, like the Bill Nunn character that is his partner on that show is, are you doing worse to let it go on, because like it or not, if they ask you if you know anything and you say "No", you are now in compliance with the deception. Or, can you handle being the one to get the ball rolling, to "bring the pain"?

[Tastey]

Originally posted by mystkev+
I would not say anything, that's between the two of them. The friend shouldn't even be asking you.

I agree. That should remain between the two of them. The reason is that if you tell, and they work it out....you look like the bad guy. If you tell and they don't work it out...you still look like the bad guy.

It's best just to leave it alone.

[Sparkles]

Well that was the reason i said S/o and not she or he, but it is a he cheating on her.

I know because he has had a baby with the woman e is cheating with. For the record this is not my scenario but someone else, i am just giving you guy's the iformation. Apparently a lot of folks in his family know about the child, but the wfie doesn't. He should be man enough to come clean, but the child in almost 2 years old.

I personally don't think I would be able to say anything, because like someone said before, what if they work through it, i will be the one label trouble maker or what have youl.... I just feel sorry for the wife because she is a good person, a bit niave, but a sweet person none the less. I am sure in her heart she knows there is something, but he has convinced her he ain't doing nothing wrong...

[HulaSista]

Originally posted by Sparkles+
I know because he has had a baby with the woman e is cheating with. For the record this is not my scenario but someone else, i am just giving you guy's the iformation. Apparently a lot of folks in his family know about the child, but the wfie doesn't. He should be man enough to come clean, but the child in almost 2 years old.

you have GOTS to be kiddin? everyone knows except her?

lord have mercy...

2 years....

umph umph umph ... :beating

[nubianx2]

Sparkles,
You are definitely in a tight spot. The mere fact that everyone else knows about his 2 year old child makes the situation even more touchy. If there is some way that you can let her know without her knowing you are the informant then do it. But then again if this has been going on for awhile, more than likely she knows but choices to ignore.

[OhSoPrecious]

Before I even read that this friend was a relative. . I was about to say that if it was a really good friend. . . maybe. . but, since it's a relative. . . definitely~!!! :hammer I would tell her. . .