Abused Women

[knowledge7]

Ya'll gonna have to excuse me if my language gets a little bad aiight


A couple of weeks ago, my cousin(female) got into an argument with the father of her kids. He lost his mind somewhere on the floor and hit her in her face and cause a black eye. Intentionally.. you don't slip and accidentally hit somebody in the damn eye. So she grabbed the kids, rolled out and came ot my place. She explained everything to me, and out of anger I went to reslove the problem, unprofessionally.

Thinking the problem was solved. I let her and her family stay at the crib for these last few weeks. No problem. So she and him had a talk and they wanted to mend things back up. The muthafucker even called me and aplogized..which I wasn't tryign to hear, cause the nigga hurt my cousin, metally and physically. But she moved back in with him. So while I am at work, two days later, I get a call and it is her son(12) he said that his mother was in the room and daddy was beating her up again. So I called my brother and told him to go down there and handle it until I got down there. He went.. And when he got there he told me that the nigga had already left. And that my cousin had two blackeyes, cigareete burns on her breast and he had to remove the razor that was in her azz. Also he had to remove the tie that was restraining her to the chair. He took her to the hospital. Now she is fine. But she flipped. she gave the kids up for adoption. she took all her money out the bank and spent it on coke.. She keep calling him to try to make things beetter.. but it ain't never gonna be better..she fgot to leave that nigga alone..

and that nigga is sitting up in the crib she bought with another woman...

My questionis is this.. Why do beaten women come back for more?

[SoftNwet]

Low Self Esteem!!

Some where along the lines he has made her feel that she is not worthy of anything but what he will allow her to have. He has also brain washe her into thinking that no one else would want her. Once she gets that low there is nothing that he can do that would make her leave. She will even get to the point of making excuses for him because she has been programed to think that that is the way he shows her his love. Sad but true!!

The saddest thing is that the children are in the middle of this and without some type of intervention they will think that this type of behaviour is normal and acceptable. Thus creating a vicious cycle of violence.

[Versatile]

But the truth of the matter is, she is very sick and the coke is an obvious sign that it's beyond serious. The truth of the matter is many women in her predicament see this as love even when they are not doing substance abuse. Get her some help ....her kids have seen enough and are going through a lot too. Hopefully adoption = family and not ward of the State.

[nubianx2]

An abused woman has a lack of self esteem and self worth. She feels if she leaves him she's a failure. He makes her believe that everytime he beats her is the last time because he later tells her he's sorry and it won't happen again.

It's easy for an outsider to say how he or she would handle the situation but for an abused woman it's never that easy to just walk away. My advice to you Knowledge is to try to get her some help and be there for her emotionally for support.

[CD]

I've never been around such a sitituation, but this sounds really bad.

I don't have anything to add, since I don't know jack about this topic, but I am learning something here.

That negro is making it bad for a whole lot of us men folk, for sure.

[knowledge7]

But see that is the thing.. Usually I would say that it is because of a weak personality, but she is one of the strongest women I know. she helped me when I was locked up. So I can't say that is because she is weak.

I also left out the fact that, the only reason they were arguing was because the son brought home a bad progress sheet in school, and he whupped his ass so bad that the he was trying to run.. so when he ran, the father had grab him by his arm, breaking it.. and threw his through the wall in their house, also breaking a collarbone and his nose. My cousin saw all of this being done to her son.. and I wouold have flipped too.. so I don't blame her..

but I still don't understand why the fugg she would even go back to him.....

[Brightness]

I am stunned. . .I don't know what to say about women who are in those types of situations. But sometimes when you invested a lot of time, whether good or bad, it's hard to leave because you take that as personal failure to some degree. In her mind she's spent all this time and energy on this man so she wants it to work for her sake and the sake of keeping the 'family' together.

It seems you and your family are trying to be their for her but at some point she needs to take responsibility for her life. It's obvious that she's hurting and that whole scene isn't a good one for the kids to grow up in and I'm very concerned that a 12 year 'future king' had to witness that type of disrespect to his mother.

Oh yeah, that muthafukka needs his ass KICKED :beating :beating :beating :beating

[que90nek]

i think that the police should have been called....and even if she doesnt press charges the DA would press charges ...

[Brightness]

He put his hands on the babies over some stupid shit???

That's usually the wake-up call or the move that makes women snap and kill a dude. . .I would think she is working in reverse. . .getting rid of the kids and trying to work on him. She needs to look toward her future and the kids future and leave that bum alone!!!




Originally posted by knowledge7
I also left out the fact that, the only reason they were arguing was because the son brought home a bad progress sheet in school, and he whupped his ass so bad that the he was trying to run.. so when he ran, the father had grab him by his arm, breaking it.. and threw his through the wall in their house, also breaking a collarbone and his nose.

[dulce]

I'm worried about the son that had a broken collarbone and nose - I want to kick that mofo's ass my damn self. It's a hard call on why some women go back...I would think that seeing your child hurt would be the last straw but even the strong can be broken down. It sounds like he did some serious emotional damage to your cousin - especially since she is normally such a strong person.

did anybody report his sick ass for the child abuse?

[Brightness]

How does that work if the woman doesn't comply? Don't they get little or nothing?


Originally posted by que90nek+
i think that the police should have been called....and even if she doesnt press charges the DA would press charges ...

[dulce]

at least in Cali, the woman doesn't have to comply - if the police see evidence of abuse, charges are filed.

[nubianx2]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Brightness+
[B]How does that work if the woman doesn't comply? Don't they get little or nothing?

it doesn't. The woman has to appear in court to testify.

[CD]

Man if he did that to any relative of mine he only gets one chance to pull that shyt.

[Versatile]

Originally posted by knowledge7
and he whupped his ass so bad that the he was trying to run.. so when he ran, the father had grab him by his arm, breaking it.. and threw his through the wall in their house, also breaking a collarbone and his nose. My cousin saw all of this being done to her son.. and I wouold have flipped too.. so I don't blame her..


Time to go Ninja style on the mofo and have his azz in contraction for weeks.

[Juicey1]

[i]
I also left out the fact that, the only reason they were arguing was because the son brought home a bad progress sheet in school, and he whupped his ass so bad that the he was trying to run.. so when he ran, the father had grab him by his arm, breaking it.. and threw his through the wall in their house, also breaking a collarbone and his nose. My cousin saw all of this being done to her son.. and I wouold have flipped too.. so I don't blame her..

[/B]

With him beating the kid like that, and I am sure the kid had to go to the hospital, seems like the doctors would have reported him to the authorities. Are the authorities even involved at this point?

[misha]

but I think that it is important for me to tell you, and it is important for you to know, why I stayed in my abusive relationship as long as I did.

My ex husband was a charming man with a sweet personality. The man I fell in love with. It was a long time before I saw the other side of his personality. And when I did, I was so stunned, I was convinced that there was something I could do to make him be the man I fell in love with again.

This man did little things and big things to destroy every ounce of self esteem I had. He alienated every person that cared about me, he turned my child against me. To the point that no one would talk to me, come around me, listen to me, help me. The only person that i could depend on to help me had bailed out long ago. That person was me.

It had to be the most miserable, most awful, most horrible period of my life. And I stayed because after every beating, he would be so sorry, and he would become the man I loved again. he made me believe that it wouldn't happen again. I had invested so much in the relationship, I just coudn't bear the thought of failing.

This is going to sound strange, but when the tide turned, and I decided that I had enough, I became afraid of leaving because I knew that the worse would happen after i put him out of my home. Most abused women will not tell this because they don't want to discourage anyone else from freeing themselves from that prison....but the worse abuse a woman suffers is after she leaves the relationship. The old saying comes to mind...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

See, it's one thing to sidestep the man in your house. But to not know when the next attack comes or where, because you have done the unthinkable, you have removed the problem, now that person can strike from anyplace, and usually does.

After I had him removed from my home, he broke in 2 different times and destroyed everything that I owned. Everything. And it's a funny thing. When somebody does things like this, when a woman asks for help, she is looked at with contempt, because the person she is seeking help from is telling themselves that she must have caused this somehow. Because a sane rational person is trying to see logic in insanity. But there is no logic in this.

I had an extremely hard time getting help in any way. Add to it that I was badly injured and couldn't do alot of things myself. For example, my home stayed trashed for a long time, because I was unable to get help to clean it up. I had suffered a head injury and was stabbed during my ex husbands last break in, and head injuries can do strange things to a person. It alienated people even more. I was unable to explain things, because I could not think, I could not communicate, I could not walk far without staggering and falling, I could not talk without slurring and losing my thoughts. I had seizures. People were disgusted by me.

My family hated me. They blamed me for everything that happened. They said that they had to suffer for the fucked up choices that I made. And part of that was true. After the man attacked me he went to my parents home and set it on fire. And he knew that my baby was inside that house. Like I said, he tried to destroy everything that was mine. And like I also said, this all happened AFTER I left the relationship.

[que90nek]

Thank you, mish.

*hush hug*

[Sparkles]

and as horrible has it was i thank god for seeing you through. You have weather the storm and I hope and pray that someone else who might be in a similiar situation can gain courage and strength from your post. I know exactly what you are speaking about because my best friend went through the same thing and I didn't know how to help her. Her mom would basically steal her from her house with her kid's and take her to the little town we are originally from. Once her mom would go to work or something my friend would call and beg him to come get her and she would be the one apologizing for leaving because she knew once she went back it would be even worse. She stayed with him for 5 babys and 2 mis carriages that he actually caused by the beating.

Ntway I will spare all the detail but a piece of mind is wort everything in the world, she finally got away too, she had to leve the state of florida, but that was a small price to pay for sanity..

stay strong my Queen...:cry:

[misha]

Thank you my friends.

[dulce]

Misha, you are a strong and amazing woman for enduring and surviving and escaping that situation. Peace & happiness to you, sista!

[misha]

Thank you dulce.

[Vronni]

Misha,you are a strong and courageous woman. It has to be hard sharing something so personal.God bless you

[que90nek]

another beautiful hush moment....:)

[seductive_tee]

Misha...you definitely are a strong woman, hang in there girl.

If i may ask, where is he now? Is your family there for you now?

[misha]

He did a little time for what he did to me, little over a year....if you had seen my injuries, you would be outraged...anyway, he did this to two other women and has done time for each of those.

He recently got out of prison, and has now started showing up at my job wanting to see noodle. And I have told him that he is too unstable and dangerous to trust. He has cried, begged pleaded, for another chance. When that didn't work, he started making demands to see noodle, saying that he isn't the same person he was....

part of me is very afraid, and part of me just wants to live my life and have this fool leave me alone.

as far as my family, I help them more than they ever helped me.

[davinci]

Originally posted by knowledge7
but she is one of the strongest women I know. she helped me when I was locked up...but I still don't understand why the fugg she would even go back to him..... my ex left me for a drug dealer that beat her down on the regular. had you told me she was cheatin', i'd've been like, i know. had you said that she was getting her ass whooped, i'd've been like, whatever not her. my ex was very strong willed. my only question to her after the divorce wasn't why you cheated, but why you let him do that to you and in front of our son. her only answer was that she couldn't turn to anyone else. her family cut her off for cheatin' on me. my ex "tried" to kill herself. we're doing the "out of the darkness" walk together this summer.

not trying to take away from misha's healing cuz that was strong of her to share.

i came from a house of women. grandma, mom, and 2 sisters. my oldest sis married a guy that hit her and i drove all night from SC and she was like it's ok, we'll work on it. i was pissed. knowledge, i feel you, but don't turn your back on your cuz. she needs you more now than before.

[knowledge7]

Much peace to you Misha. And I commend you on being strong enough to make him your ex...

To give an update on this...

The boyfriend.....is nowhere to be found.....don't ask....the son is beign taken careof by Wash childrens hospital, and My Cuz is going through some type of class.......

[davinci]

i keep forgetting that your here in DC. RIF. i saw the WASH HOSP CTR and was like, "i know that place."

[knowledge7]

Yeah loving DC to the fullest bruh. WASH HOS CTR...that where I lay my victims

[davinci]

since dc general closed, my beaten womb chickenheads go there now.

[knowledge7]

:eek: :D

You ain't even right...:D