Leading the way [Archive]

14KBlaqWmn

02-05-2002, 05:03 AM

I feel that the man is the leader of the family. To me, that doesn't mean that he's domineering or like the woman is placed into a role like a child or subservient. They work together for the common good of the family, but each has a role....the man is the head and the woman is the helpmate, yada, yada, yada.

What I'm getting at is that in the course of dating, the men I've gone out with, I've asked myself if I felt that they could lead a family. Sadly, only a couple made me feel that they could. After asking different questions, I've come to the conclusion that a lot of these men were not brought up or taught how to be a leader or to be honest, how to be a man.

So with that said, it makes sense that the family structure today is deteriorating. But anyway.....

Men: Do you feel that you're able to lead a family? What qualities do you think a man should have in order to be a good leader of his family? Are you displaying some of these things and being an example to other men and boys?

Women: Do you feel that the man you're with can lead a family? Or if you're single, what qualities do you think a man should possess to be a good leader? Are you so independent that you're showing other women or girls that it's not necessary to have a man around as part of the family unit?

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic. I'm very interested to see what you guys think.

Melotic

02-05-2002, 06:22 AM

has to follow the provisions in accordance to the word of God... An excellent father & husband has to provide for the family, both spiritually and financially...

14KBlaqWmn

02-05-2002, 06:28 AM

Could you answer the rest of the question Mel?

PecanTan

02-05-2002, 06:55 AM

I must admit, my husband used to preach those exact words to me about the man being the head of the household. It took me awhile to get with the program. I thought he was trying to take something away from me, because I have always been independent. He would be pulling one way, and me the other, so I had to find that common ground. Now I let him lead and I follow, but I still put my two cents in. It is important to have a strong man at the helm of a family.:upretty

mystkev

02-05-2002, 07:17 AM

I am single and I also believe that a man, if available. should be the leader of the family. I agree w/Melotic that he has to provide spiritually and financially. He also should be able to protect his family from physical and emotional danger, be a true leader, not a dictator, and be mentally sound.

The second part of your question does not really apply to me, b/c I do not provide for a family. My mother and sisters are women that have shown me that it can be done alone when men drop the ball. My father is a man that could provide financially, but was not spirtually or mentally sound and that is a large part of the role of head of household. Our family did not do well w/him there, so when he stepped out of the role of head of household and my mother did, our lives were much better.

I have gone on dates w/a number of men that I think would not make good heads of the family, but I have also been out w/guys that I know right away that they would be great providers.

lovely

02-05-2002, 07:33 AM

Yes men should be the leaders in thier homes. If a man has a relationship with God and takes that relationship seriously than I have no problem being the "submissive wife". None at all. Because the man is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church..and i think most of us know what Christ did for the church. I have dated guys that i know wouldnt make it as my husband. First of all you gone have to be able to put up with and be able to shut up my mouth. And some men are kind of whimpy when it comes to that. I am opionated and my husband would have to be strong enough to say" Baby i understand what you are saying...but as the head of our home...its gone be like this".

Am I so independent that Im showing other women and girsl that its not necessary to have a man around as part of the family unit. Thats a hard question...as a single mother i have to be independent. I have to be stong and i dont like to show my weaknesses. While it is important to have a man in the family unit...my daughter and I will be alright until God sends that man our way.

Melotic

02-05-2002, 07:34 AM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
Could you answer the rest of the question Mel?

No son(s), but I have lots of nephews and younger male cousins... I am showing them that the importance of education, 'cause they do get to see how I operate on a daily... I am showing them how to get ahead early, so they don't pay late...

From, girls will always be there...

Not to sweat them like, I did... Get your education... Those games girls play while you are young, will fade when you handle your business in the classroom...

mack_black

02-05-2002, 07:42 AM

Men: Do you feel that you're able to lead a family? What qualities do you think a man should have in order to be a good leader of his family? Are you displaying some of these things and being an example to other men and boys?

I am absolutely able to lead a Family....

A few of the qualities needed are:
a)have Spiritual Situational Awareness
b)A good Listener
c)Considerate and Respectful of his Family
d)Able to provide 'whatever' his family needs whenever....
e)ability to bust the gun to protect his family...from whomever (including the white man....)

wherever I go, I am A Man's man...men and young boys that can deal with me aspire to be like me. Im not easy to deal with because I have exceedingly high aspirations for myself and I make them happen...why? because of spiritual situational awareness...but Im not perfect...I have my flaws just like everyone else....

14KBlaqWmn

02-05-2002, 07:57 AM

I applaud you mack.

que90nek

02-05-2002, 08:17 AM

too many women leading families (nuclear) and that is why the family doesnt succeed spiritually or financially.

a wife is not behind a man...she is at his side.

let me see if i can answer this....

yes, i am a leader....in life and at home.

qualities:
understanding
empathy
decisiveness
aptitude
listening skills/communication skills
the ability to take advice and use it effectively

leading is about doing...not always saying...managers say rather than do...I am myself...I would hope that is enough to be a good example

Juicey1

02-05-2002, 08:30 AM

Yes, the man I am with is the leader of the family. He provides for his family financially, emotionally and spirtually. We don't make decisions that affect the family without consulting each other.

My daughter knows that I can be independent and can do it on my own, but may have great struggle. She sees that as a family unit more is achieved and its easier on everyone.

HulaSista

02-06-2002, 01:41 PM

as a single woman... WHAT MACK AND QUE SAID... :D

But, its really basic:

A man for me:

Accepts all responsibilities as bestowed on him by God
Knows how to love a woman
A personal relationship with God

That's it.
:hammer

OhSoPrecious

02-06-2002, 02:49 PM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
Are you so independent that you're showing other women or girls that it's not necessary to have a man around as part of the family unit?

Guilty as charged~!! :rolleyes: But, I am really trying to work on this~!!

It's tough though. . . cause I've felt this way for so long now. . it's kind of hard to feel any other way~!! :(

Toffee

02-06-2002, 05:23 PM

I guess I'm the odd lady out..

What does a man do to be the leader of the family?

OhSoPrecious

02-06-2002, 07:18 PM

Your answer lies within you. . it depends on what your requirements are . . . of him to be the leader of your family~!! ;)

Toffee

02-07-2002, 05:38 PM

I don't think one person is the leader of the family.. I feel that the decisions should be based on who knows more. If I know more about something then I should have the last say so.. If he has more knowledge then he will make the final decision.
My mate will compliment me and I him.. When he is weak I am strong and vice versa.

I do agree with the others that he should contribute financially, and spiritually and also be willing to protect his family.. But I also expect the same from myself.

que90nek

02-07-2002, 07:00 PM

toffee...it's really christian principles...so it may not apply.

it all goes back to adam and eve....if you look at the story...you'll see....

it only works if the man is a God Fearing man....if he is...he will understand that his wife is his helpmate...at his side and will treat her as such....but the ultimate responsibility...the ultimate decision rests with him....and its cool with the wife because she had a serious part in him comin to whatever decision.

if u don't believe in the bible...this idea will never apply.

OhSoPrecious

02-07-2002, 07:52 PM

So, does that mean anyone that does not believe in the Bible cannot be a leader in a family setting~?? :confused:

que90nek

02-08-2002, 05:28 AM

i don't know what they do.

i don't know the law or worldly principle that says that the man is the head of the house....i don't think there is one. but that doesnt mean that it can't happen.

14KBlaqWmn

02-08-2002, 05:45 AM

I think the worldly principle would be the caveman theory where the man clubbed his wife over the head and dragged her by her hair. :D :rolleyes:

djackso

02-08-2002, 07:00 AM

A man have to be totally committed like an captain on a ship. If the family goes down then the man goes down with it. I've seen too many men bail out on their families because times get rough. Men who rather have a truck than make sure their children get better daycare. Women sometimes don't know how to trust a man enough to let him lead. A man can't leader without followers.

14KBlaqWmn

02-08-2002, 07:13 AM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
Women: Do you feel that the man you're with can lead a family?

I feel that my friend could be a wonderful leader of a family. He is a spiritually aware person and has a strong grasp on morals and principles that are essential in raising children to be upstanding adults. He knows what his role is as a man and leader and is not afraid to take action.

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
Are you so independent that you're showing other women or girls that it's not necessary to have a man around as part of the family unit?
To some degree I've been so independent to the point of not needing or wanting anyone to do anything for me. Because of this I don't feel that I've done the best of jobs at showing others how to be a teamplayer. Since, I've realized this and prayed about it, I've made more of a conscious effort to be a better example while also helping to make others aware of how we can affect and help each other.

lightandlovely1

02-08-2002, 07:50 AM

I am single now. I also believe that a man should lead the way in the family but I also believe that I should be able to lead if necessary - I hope that is the example I am setting for my children.

As far as his qualities, I think he should definitely have strengths in the areas where I am weak and vice versa. I think he should be a good money manager and that he should also be secure enough to ask for my help when he needs it. Also, he should have sound christian values.

Toffee

02-08-2002, 04:16 PM

Que I do agree with you on these are Christian Principles. I am baptised but I do not go to church..

So if you know that your man is making a bad decision and u voice your opinion, what do you do is he still wants to go through with whatever?

lightandlovely1

02-08-2002, 04:55 PM

Originally posted by Toffee+
Que I do agree with you on these are Christian Principles. I am baptised but I do not go to church..

So if you know that your man is making a bad decision and u voice your opinion, what do you do is he still wants to go through with whatever?

I was also taught those same Christian principles and I do adhere to them. But to say that the man is to lead is only 1/2 of the story. The rest of the story is that the man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church (and Christ died for the church).
Now to apply the full principle means that the man is to always take my thoughts and feelings into consideration and heed my counsel when it is right and we also would pray together - particularly in times where there is a difference of opinion. For me, I will not marry a man who doesn't have complete understanding of this. I also was taught that to be submissive isn't to be stupid. Therefore if the decision was one wherein I felt the well-being of my family was at stake and we couldn't come to a decision, I would do whatever I thought best - even if I didn't agree with my husband.

que90nek

02-09-2002, 07:43 AM

right...lightandlovely....by being God Fearing he adheres to biblical principles and GOD is at the head of his life. He absolutely takes into account his wife and his family when making decisions....hell...in a lot of cases the decision will be mutual!...but there are those cases where...it truly is a judgement call...they both should pray about it...but ...it ultimately rests with HIM....and SHE should support HIM in his decision.

AN EXAMPLE: its time for a vacation...the trip to africa is what everybody wants to do...but...hubby realizes that going to africa...you must have enough money for "justincasetype" things that CAN happen. yes, you have enough to cover the airfare and hotel...but....it's even both of ya'll money that would be used. final decision rests with him.

it's not easy being submissive. but...hopefully you will find a man strong enough....God Fearing enough....that you respect...that you don't mind being submissive to....that you don't mind being his helpmate.

*this ONLY applies under marriage.*

toffee...what do you mean that you are baptized?

lightandlovely1

02-09-2002, 08:15 AM

Originally posted by que90nek+
right...lightandlovely....by being God Fearing he adheres to biblical principles and GOD is at the head of his life.
...

it's not easy being submissive. but...hopefully you will find a man strong enough....God Fearing enough....that you respect...that you don't mind being submissive to....that you don't mind being his helpmate.

You are right Q. When I marry again, I fully intend to make sure that God is at the head of both of our lives.

Toffee

02-09-2002, 09:21 AM

I don't know.. I just know that's I'm catholic. But the few times I did go to church they were baptist... I personally don't believe in the business of "church". I do however believe in God.

In your example.. that u just gave u r making it seem like the woman has no idea that it takes money to go to Africa that she has no sense of budgeting and finances.

But on this subject I will always disagree with the "leader" position.

sistuhchey

02-09-2002, 10:23 AM

But as history has shown...it doesn't always happen the way it's intended to be....My father was a excellent leader, and thank God I have brother's that have followed in his footsteps....
Unfortunately, I currently don't have a man that I feel I can relinquish (sp) my control of self to....

Have I???..Yes....will I do it again...hhhhhhhmmmm...:rolleyes: don't think so....

But I'm glad there are men on the HUSH...and out there that handle their business!!!..applaud!, applaud

14KBlaqWmn

02-09-2002, 01:33 PM

14KBlaqWmn

02-09-2002, 01:39 PM

Tastey

02-09-2002, 04:32 PM

Originally posted by Toffee+
I don't know.. I just know that's I'm catholic. But the few times I did go to church they were baptist... I personally don't believe in the business of "church". I do however believe in God.

In your example.. that u just gave u r making it seem like the woman has no idea that it takes money to go to Africa that she has no sense of budgeting and finances.

But on this subject I will always disagree with the "leader" position.

Well I am a Christian, and I attend church but honestly Toffee what you've said has made the most sense to me and has come closer to what I've always been taught in church about a marriage, and man and woman's role.

Yes, God made man the leader but that does not give him FINAL say over his wife. A GOOD leader will allow her the right to make certain decisions concerning the family because he loves and trust her. He will also recognize his strengths vs his weaknesses and not let the fact that he is male, cloud that. Just as you said in your example of whoever knows the most...makes the decision.

If the man is a man of God, he will have no problem allowing his wife to make decisions, and she will have no problem submitting to him because she knows that their marriage is a partnership.

Toffee

02-09-2002, 06:20 PM

I don't have a problem with "leading" or being "lead". But I feel that this leadership ideal comes from a period in which women were submissive to their men due to the limitations placed on women. (no voting rights, not having a job, education, etc..) Also, as history shows "he who had the physical strength had the power." This is known from the Neanderthal people as well. The man would protect the cave from animals and others that would want it. The woman would cook the meat of the animal he killed. For her own safety and survival she would travel with him.

So since the man was the one who kept the roof overhead and the food on the table he had last say. But as a society this has changed for better or worse. It takes two people to keep up the finances of a home and the 2.5 children. Unless your husband rolls like that. Now most women have said they want their man to be able to protect them.. that I agree with because men are physically stronger than women.

I really don't see why a family needs to be led.. A family works together. Everyone plays a role.. ex.. wife, mother, cook, bookeeper..... husband, father, landscaper, mechanic, carpenter, etc.. When u put all these things together they make a strong family structure.

14KBlaqWmn

02-09-2002, 06:38 PM

First, Tastey, I agree and disagree with what you said. What I agree with is that a woman can make the decision, but the ultimate responsibility of the success or failure of that decision falls on the man who is supposed to be the leader of the family.

What I disagree with is what you said about the man has the final say so over his wife. It's not a say so over anybody. I would think that both have discussed the matter at hand and that they both have an agreement on it. If they are not in agreement, then they should pray about it and let God yield an answer. Whatever the final mutual decision is, it is up to the man to lead the carrying out of that decision and it is the family's role to help and support that decision.

Now Toffee, the examples you gave are some of the misinterpretations that some men have had on what their role is as a leader and how women were supposed to be treated. As most of us have said in this thread, if he is a God-fearing man, he knows what his role is and he has no problem with his family helping him in that role and vice versa. What I think you're missing is that we're not saying that a wife has no say or input in family matters because she does. She's a part of the team....the helper and the supporter. Sometimes her ideas may be the way to go and sometimes they may not, but the man is responsible for what's the best way for the entire family.....that may be her idea or it may be his. Whichever idea is run with, they love each other, have trust and faith in one another, and support one another that the decisions made are for the benefit of the entire family.

Brightness

02-09-2002, 07:32 PM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+

Women: Do you feel that the man you're with can lead a family?

I'm not with a man presently but when I was with my daughter's father, I later found out that he wasn't the type of man that could lead a family. His judgment was very selfish and self-centered. His needs always had to be met before mine or those of our daughter's and in his mind his actions would ultimately benefit us because he was happy and more willing to see that we were happy, taken care of, etc. He reasoned that if he wasn't happy then he would feel forced to do the things he was doing. . .DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE?!?!?!?

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+

Or if you're single, what qualities do you think a man should possess to be a good leader?

So as not to repeat. . .I am in total agreement with the biblical perspective in every way, shape and form. . .no amendments or addendums on my part, He set it forth, I believe it. . .that's it.

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+

Are you so independent that you're showing other women or girls that it's not necessary to have a man around as part of the family unit?

I believe that I handle mine in a very responsible manner and since I'm raising a young Black woman, I feel I am setting a prime example. However, in no way do I present it as an acceptable alternative to man/woman/child(ren) or any other version of head of household.

I know for me that one thing that has cancelled a brother out is for him to really admire the fact that I can take care of my business but think that gives him the room to get with me and expect that to be the way it should be. Like he shouldn't respect me as a queen but that I should still accept him as the king just because.

Even while I'm dating, no man of mine will think it's cool for me to work two jobs, attend classes and be frazzled. He will care enough to see that some of my load is lightened and take it upon himself to do so willingly.

14KBlaqWmn

02-09-2002, 11:15 PM

Even while dating???? Huh? If he's not your husband why should he take on that kinda responsibility? Helping out, out of the goodness of his heart, I understand, but to take on some responsibilty like you're his wife is asking a little much in my opinion.

que90nek

02-10-2002, 12:20 AM

bright...that was funny...

its like you want a sugar daddy or somethin...please say it aint so...

but then again.....

if the man is under GOD....and GOD is at the head of his life...he will seek his counsel....in how to be the leader...of his family. A good leader knows his own weaknesses and capitalizes upon the strength of the troops!

i didnt mean to imply that the woman was stupid and didnt realize that there wasnt enough money.....but sometimes....things happen....and it is the ultimate responsibility of the husband...under God to ensure family success.....

this principle...is tough....i think that it has a lot to do with the divorce rate being so high....1. is the God the head of the man 2. is the wife allowing him to lead or does she "lead with her panties."(how many of ya'll know what i am talkin bout!)

que90nek

02-10-2002, 12:28 AM

so...toffee...did you say that you were not a christian?

Toffee

02-10-2002, 05:15 AM

Am I a Christian?
Well, I believe that Jesus is the son of God.. If that makes me a Christian then I am a Christian.

But on the flip side I do question evolution. I have yet to decide if I believe in it or not.. Neaderthals just could have been another species of MAN and not our decendents.

Brightness

02-10-2002, 06:20 AM

Yes while dating seriously not casually, I was editing and re-editing but I must have cut out the part that was saying that him taking responsibility didn't need to be financial. . there's other ways you can lighten someone's load or brighten their day without paying their bills. (I.E. offer them encouragement with a kind word, study with them or go to the library and get a book you think may be helpful in writing a paper, gestures like that can go a long way.)

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
Even while dating???? Huh? If he's not your husband why should he take on that kinda responsibility? Helping out, out of the goodness of his heart, I understand, but to take on some responsibilty like you're his wife is asking a little much in my opinion.

14KBlaqWmn

02-10-2002, 10:54 AM

Thanks for the clarification Bright. I agree with what you're saying.

que90nek

02-10-2002, 12:21 PM

whew!

so...toffee...u believe that Jesus died for your sins and rose again? you've accepted him as your personal saviour?

misha

02-10-2002, 01:44 PM

que, why have you become an evangelist? This is a serious question, because I have noticed that you have asked this of more than one person lately....did you have a spiritual awakening or something? Please enlighten me.

14KBlaqWmn

02-10-2002, 02:05 PM

misha, que's asking a question based on what Toffee said. That's all.

que90nek

02-10-2002, 02:13 PM

mish....

i am not an evangelist...

hell, i'm certainly not the best example of a christian...

but...as christians we are tasked to witness to each other about the GOOD NEWS OF JESUS CHRIST! It's this good news that I will share till I can't share it anymore!

I just think about the fact that tomorrow is NOT promised...it is only because i care.

que90nek

02-10-2002, 02:15 PM

actually mish...this question u ask goes a lot deeper for me....

i ALWAYS try to witness...to try to get folks to re-establish a relationship with God...I have always done it....and some times it is a SHAME when I do it because i am witnessing to somebody that i am doing dirt with!

Toffee

02-10-2002, 02:45 PM

Never really thought about that.. Never go that deep into it.. I have trouble believing in a book made by man..

OhSoPrecious

02-10-2002, 04:04 PM

Originally posted by que90nek+
and some times it is a SHAME when I do it because i am witnessing to somebody that i am doing dirt with!

And, why should that person listen to you~?? :confused:

lightandlovely1

02-10-2002, 06:43 PM

Actually Que, you are in fact an evangelist. As Christians, we are all charged with sharing God's word. So that makes us all evangelists of a type. You have done well in sharing the Word as well as demonstrating what it is that we all should be doing.

14KBlaqWmn

02-11-2002, 04:24 AM

Originally posted by Toffee+
Never really thought about that.. Never go that deep into it.. I have trouble believing in a book made by man..

So are you saying that you don't think God inspired the writings at all?

que90nek

02-11-2002, 04:59 AM

Originally posted by Toffee+
Never really thought about that.. Never go that deep into it.. I have trouble believing in a book made by man..

hey toffee...i understand where you are coming from...it was written long ago under inspiration by God...and revised (hopefully still under inspiration)...our entire FAITH rests on the fact that we HOPE that GOD knows what he is doing. Why would God be all powerful and all THAT....but have us follow the wrong things in HIS word?

que90nek

02-11-2002, 05:02 AM

Originally posted by OhSoPrecious+

And, why should that person listen to you~?? :confused:

well...that person doesnt have to listen to me. but that doesnt mean that what i am saying is any LESS true! and that person can't say that they never heard....hell, if they hear it from EVEN me....it may be worth further investigation.

lightandlovely1

02-11-2002, 05:52 AM

For myself, I have been taught, accept and believe that the Bible is divinely inspired and is incapable of being wrong. I do believe that men have over time attempted to put their own slants into the translations and I believe that those translations have not made it into the Bibles that we have today. There are several books that are maintained by the Catholic church - I believe they are kept in some sort of vault with other historical documents. My own family Bible at home makes reference to these other books in it's history of the Bible section.

14KBlaqWmn

02-11-2002, 06:00 AM

Read Revelations 22:18,19.

Vronni

02-11-2002, 08:01 AM

I believe that a man first must have God as the head of this life. He should be able to take of his family financially,emotionally and protect them from danger. I think that the man should be head of the household but I don't think that he should also be a dictator-a couple work together but with the man (husband) takes ultimate responsibility for making sure that his family is happy and healthy. I think that we have gotten away from this concept and that is why so many black families are living in chaos. I have seen examples of men like this-but few examples in men that I have dated,more often relatives and friends of the family ......

02-11-2002, 08:27 AM

A leader needs to have foresight, wisdom, interllect, courage, and patience....

Now when it comes to family, I think its only natural for the man to lead, but he don't have to do it all. He has a wife so they can slip it up. There are some things that she will be better at and there are somethings he will be better at. With that in mine the two should come to some type of understanding as to what each will be responsible for in the relationship.

There is no way you can have two leaders though, so the man will have to compermise in most cases except for those cases that he deems issues critical to the family.

One other point though, a lot of what the man and woman think with respect to thier role in the family will be based on how they grew up. So if you hook up with a woman that was rasied in a house where moms did everything, there is a good chance that man is going to be told what to do like a little boy. On the other hand if you hook-up with a man that was rasied in a home where pop was the king pin, then that man will see his role the same more or less.

misha

02-11-2002, 10:15 AM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
misha, que's asking a question based on what Toffee said. That's all.

I asked QUE because of a conversation we had offline.

que90nek

02-11-2002, 10:18 AM

did i answer you mish?

vronni......i have seen the example of the WOMAN always being the spiritual head and the husband tryin to be the head of everything else....and THAT (dramatic pause) will not work.

misha

02-11-2002, 10:23 AM

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
misha, que's asking a question based on what Toffee said. That's all.

Yes que. you did answer my question, thanks.

Vronni

02-11-2002, 02:02 PM

que, I wouldn't think that scenario would work . I think that the man should be the head of household-spiritually and otherwise.

que90nek

02-11-2002, 02:28 PM

if that scenario doesnt work...why is it the NORM?

Toffee

02-11-2002, 06:22 PM

It is the Norm now for one reason because.. Their are more women having children out of wedlock.. More couples splitting etc.. So women believe that they must have their own going into a relationship so they not stuck on stupid when the man leaves.

CLSmooove

02-12-2002, 03:44 AM

this whole thread all i can say is "WOW".....

Vronni

02-12-2002, 09:11 AM

well que,I agree with what Toffee says. Also, overall,I don't think people are very spiritually centered. As women (and men,too) we don't always hold out for Mr.(Ms.) Right-the man (woman) God would have us be with. We settle for Mr. (Ms.) Right now " I know he smokes weed every day and goes to the club every weekend -but maybe he'll change" " I know she's shallow but she looks good" and end up with these chaotic relationships ,then if we have children during these chaotic relationships ,it's even harder for relationships or marriages to succeed (in those conditions). Besides the spiritual element missing,compatility is not always present. I see people having children together who don't really even know each other or like each other after long- so it makes me think that people aren't really aware of what they want in a partner and if the person they are involved with really exemplifies those qualities.

sistuhchey

02-12-2002, 02:47 PM

No spiritual connection, compatibilty, no nothing.....hump n dump..lots of baby mommas......hell not even a man!!!..more less a leader...yes, women settle(sad) in hopes that things work out...NOT!!!

Which leaves me back to my orginal reply, women leading the way....cause certain brotha's are tired and triflin, and certain sistuhs are selfish, deseprate and lonely and we settle!!! for the sake of having a man.....Sistuhs you may not wish to admit...but I know because I've been there!!!....I know 6figure sistuhs settling......and letting a crackhead or alkkie lead the way????Go figure???

Vronni

02-12-2002, 03:47 PM

it definetely happens, Sistuchey. That's why we as women have to be selective in who we are choosing to be involved with-because once kids come into the picture-which is so often the case-it's not just us as adults but also the children, who are affected by our poor decisions-That's not to say that single mothers can't do an excellent job raising kids-because they do it every day-my point is just that maybe we as women don't have to endure as much heartache if we are more selective in the early stages of relationships.

Originally posted by sistuhchey

......and letting a crackhead or alkkie lead the way????Go figure???

Exactly. How can you expect a man to be a leader of your family,to take of you...when he is having problems just taking care of himself?

que90nek

04-17-2003, 05:41 PM

hmmmm

i wonder if the head of the household....can have the last word on an abortion?

mystkev

04-17-2003, 05:45 PM

Nope.

Just like him having sex w/me when I don't want to is called rape.

My body does not belong to him, and he cannot do whatever he wants with it.

All that to say what's going on in my body is ultimately left up to me. I have the final say.

HulaSista

04-17-2003, 08:49 PM

que... point blank... it can't be done unless BOTH PERSON (indivisible as one under God) wants to do it... if BOTH persons are fighting to "to have their way" it won't work. but if both are fighting to STAY connected and STAY as one and make a GREAT decision for the ONE of them (both of them)... it WILL work...

wanting to be ONE MIND... is a GREAT THING... that desire to be one in that kind of decision making bring about great results...

in the light of this thread... bring God into it... the decision is easy... DONT' have the abortion... and both persons have to WANT to accept and carry out the pregnancy whether one likes it or not... obedience to God become FIRST over our selfish desires or needs to maintain control over ourselves...

other wise... as you asked in the other thread - what's the point of being married?