my son tagged a knucklehead...

[dulce]

my son got suspended today for fighting...but I wasn't mad at him since this other kid has been pushing it since the first day of school...supposedly a "hands-free" policy at the school but nobody did anything when my boy was getting hit and trying to walk away. I knew at some point he was gon end up punching that bad-ass kid in his freakin neck...I let him handle it (he's 11yrs old) cuz he can't always have his mama jumping in his mix - don't want him to be no punk...

the other kid's mom came to the school and initially tried to act hard with me but, ya'll know I shut that shit down quick!

now I wanna ask ya'll this: Even tho my son's reaction was self-defense, he did get suspended. Should I punish him? I'm feeling "no" but 'ppreciate some Hush feedback...

[que90nek]

yes.
punish him...
some type of restriction...nothing too serious...maybe even have him write a half page on why fighting is THE very last resort.

this will show him that it unacceptable to break the rules....no matter what....BUT....u should defend yourself.


just make sure he understands....self defense is ok, but fighting is bad.

[dulce]

Thanks, que - had a feeling you would have some good input...

...I like the writing idea because it will make him THINK...always a good thing...and they did give him a gang a homework so Playstation is definitely not happenin right now...

[mystkev]

Why punish him? He was just defending himself, he cannot let someone constantly beat on him. He seems to already know that violence is the last resort.

[Melotic]

Originally posted by mystkev+
Why punish him? He was just defending himself, he cannot let someone constantly beat on him. He seems to already know that violence is the last resort.

What I am thinking...

[que90nek]

anytime that you are kicked out of school...it is a serious matter. its all about the message that you are trying to send....it seems that her son is able to control himself...but the question is...why did he lose it after all that time...perhaps he should have went and told the teacher yet again...and yet again...then dulce would go down and get in the teachers ass...THEN...if it continued to happen...it would be from teacher to parent...then...parent to parent...why is your son trying to bully my child....THEN...when he hits him in his throat...when u have that documented history...they may not suspend...or...they still might.

if u become comfortable fighting...u can ALWAYS justify it in your mind....

[que90nek]

AND

it wont be punishment to take away the playstation and keep the child in the MODE of school during school time...he would have been in school anyway.

[djackso]

Originally posted by que90nek+

if u become comfortable fighting...u can ALWAYS justify it in your mind....

True, That goes for most people. Mike Tyson thinks he was right for biting Evander Holyfield's ear off.

[que90nek]

good example djackso...he really did feel justified in biting his ear because to him...all the head butts and cheap stuff that evander was doing meant that it was an all out war...anything goes!

[dulce]

just so ya'll know - I did address this with his teacher (several times) at the beginning of the year and let her know that while I respect the school policy, I do NOT expect my son to take ass-whuppings on the regular...I was not surprised that he finally blew...he tagged that ass last Friday but no adults saw (how'd that happen?)

I'm just impressing upon him that - especially in middle school and high school and onward - expectations of young black men are low and I do not want him to meet those expectations. I think he realizes that there are very real consequences for every action so just take that into account before you react...

[dulce]

BTW - thanks Fam for the support and input!

[mystkev]

Originally posted by que90nek+
anytime that you are kicked out of school...it is a serious matter. its all about the message that you are trying to send....it seems that her son is able to control himself...but the question is...why did he lose it after all that time...perhaps he should have went and told the teacher yet again...and yet again...then dulce would go down and get in the teachers ass...THEN...if it continued to happen...it would be from teacher to parent...then...parent to parent...why is your son trying to bully my child....THEN...when he hits him in his throat...when u have that documented history...they may not suspend...or...they still might.

if u become comfortable fighting...u can ALWAYS justify it in your mind....

I have to disagree. It seems as if he was vocal in letting people know that he was being harassed by this boy and no one did anything. A lot of schools have that "boys will be boys" attitude or that boys play rough. The school was not willing to do anything and then they suspend him. I do not think he should have been suspended so of course I do not think he should be punished.

Look at all these kids who have shot up their classmates, I bet that if they had stuck up for themselves just once, they would not have gotten so far as to want to kill people. If some woman was putting her hands on me then I would defend myself and fight, how can we expect children to react differently? Walking away only works for so long, eventually you have to kick that persons ass.

[mystkev]

Originally posted by djackso+

True, That goes for most people. Mike Tyson thinks he was right for biting Evander Holyfield's ear off.
Mike Tyson has a mental disorder, he does not think clearly.

[dulce]

msytkev - point taken BUT unfortunately, he had to learn a lesson today about how to play the game...both boys were suspended...basically anyone that throws a punch. This policy is to hopefully prevent schoolyard shootings and such...but the missing piece - as you pointed out - is the lack of action on the part of the school. which is why I'm not mad at him...but with it being such a gray issue, needed some intelligent feedback and here I be...now, back in the day, somebody woulda got caught up after school and beat down...

aaahhh parenting - never a dull moment...

[que90nek]

playing the game is important...u have to find other ways to deal with situations...you have to make sure that it truly is the last resort...

people with road rage justify their actions too...at some point u truly do have to turn the other cheek.

whenever u fight...u may kill that other person....make wise decisions...

also...this was the second time that "he tagged" this other kid...his tagging and not telling...should be a concern as well.

[dulce]

but he did tell...he told me whe he got home from school...maybe I dropped the ball on that one and should have gone to the school but I asked him if he thought it was squashed and he did. Still learning to tread that fine line between concern and over-protectiveness...

[que90nek]

i understand.

these things rarely squash themselves, though. *for future reference*

[nubianx2]

Dulce,
I understand your situation totally. Something very similair happen to my daughter, she and the other child were both suspended. I didn't punish her, but I did sit down and discuss with her why she shouldn't use violence to retaliate, the reason for her suspension and how she should handle this if something of that nature happened again. This happened when she was in elementary school and we've never had another like situation occur.

[Admin]

Oh shyt!...Dulce, please...girl you know Cam is Bigger than every kid in his class. Lil nigga looks like "Shaq Deezil" @ 11years old. :D...so I think this kd wanted to see if the BIG MAN, was tuff.

Q: Do they still have "King of the School?":D

Well, I have a lil girl, so I am not really one to ask, but I would sit down and talk to him face to face about this matter. Just him and you..alone ya dig?

During the talk, I would of course tell him that kids fight at school and this is something that happens to all kids, it happened to you when you were his age...and that fighting is NOT always the best solution.

I don't think I would scold him too much, since they bot were suspended, but next time I'm up there..I'll show him what to do next time to pump some fear!

Don't worry, no O.J. stuff, just two patented moves I learned when I was his age...remember I was a BIG Kid also..(still am:D)

Holla

[davinci]

as a teacher, to back the school a little, know that kids are slick as we were. how many times did you get an afternoon fuck or a hooked school to do whatever or cheat on a test or smoke in the bathroom or just skip in school in another class? if something had gone wrong, your parents would've asked, "where were the teachers?" 143 workers, not all teachers, 1300 kids. impossible to see everything.

as a parent, it is important that your son realizes that there are always consequences to "bad" actions. *que's point* justified or not. many of women are in jail for the last straw in domestic violence, or sons in jail for defending their sisters' honor.

as a man, posturing is a delicate issue. *admin's and nubian's point* your son is at an age when he's learning. as a mother, it is extremely important to that he learns what IS right and wrong, and what society says is right and wrong. one of the reason that some people never cross the line between ghetto fab and b. smith elegant.

i tell my son, if he fights in school, he's punished. no matter what. i he loses a fight, that's an ass whooping. a little extreme, but my rule. of course, each case is looked at individually. there's a bully (as far a kindergartners go) in my son's class. i told my son's teacher that i was thinking of homeschooling him. she was like, "NO!" my son is the only kid in the class that this bully is scared of. dulce, i'm sure some teachers saw what was going on, but wanted your son to wreck the bully. teacher's are still human.

[Bedroomeyes]

My kid's school's rules are the same.. It doesn't matter who started the fight.. If you both throw hits, you're both suspended.. I know that rule, and my kids know the rule.. And yes I have told my kids that if they fight and are suspended.. They will be punished!! :beating

I understand he was protecting himself.. But he still broke the rules.. And everytime you get in trouble or suspended, it goes in your record.. And that record will follow you throughout school... So you're already being judged by whoever sees the record.. I tell mine all the time, if you break the rules.. Then suffer the consequences.. :hammer

[dulce]

LOL @ admin - yeah, Cam is waiting on Uncle Marcus to show him those moves!

We talked several times throughout the evening and I'm sure we will discuss it more today. Luckily, he initiates the conversations, so I know he is giving serious thought to the situation and his reaction.

BE, luckily because he is in elem, this won't be in his permanent record, but that all changes next year.

Davinci, I think you may be right about this: "some teachers saw what was going on, but wanted your son to wreck the bully." He told me that when they fought last week, one of the folks on yard duty (a brotha) looked right at him while they were fighting.

Nubian, I hope this is the only time we'll have to deal with this too!

Admin, I think this was a battle (in the other kid's mind) for that king of the school title. He is as big as Cam but because Cam is usually so laid back, I don't think he expected the ass whupping that he got. Given his size, I'm sure this drama will come up again because folks will want to test him. So any help you can give your little nephew about being a big brotha and dealing with bucketheads like this is much appreciated. Cuz, some things only a man can teach another man...

[davinci]

Originally posted by dulce+
Cuz, some things only a man can teach another man...
a whole nuva thread.

[sistuhchey]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by davinci+
[B]i tell my son, if he fights in school, he's punished. no matter what. i he loses a fight, that's an ass whooping. a little extreme, but my rule.

*******************************


anyway, Dulce good advice, from all around....I'd opt for the mother/son talk..he's already been punished by being suspended, discuss the severity of suspesnion.... Most definetly let Admin...show him a move or two.....and just to let let the school know, you're no joke and you care about the safety of your child, I'd have to write a couple of letters....to the principle, & the school board., and attend some PTA meetings to find out what's really going on???.....

I don't have to tell you that Sac & Fresno share that racist, kick the black kids out of school....shit!!!!!...you gotta watch them crackers!!! (They're good at labeling our children as problem children) I think it's more important to see what they put in our children's file, than to take playstation away!!!)

But that's just me...:rolleyes:

[knowledge7]

I will defend the kids case.. cause I hated being puninshed..

Granted, you may kill the other person in a fight....
But would you rather have a son that doesn't know how to defend him self, and constantly get his ass whupped because Mommy or daddy might punish him or whup his ass even more when he get home.. or get his ass whupped at school or on the playground and then come home with bruises..

He will never knwo how to defend his wife or kids if something ever ever came up(god forbid) but its true.. unless you enroll him into a boxing class.. like mi mommy did me..

Not telling you t tell him that he should go and fight if somebody picks on him.. but to let him know when to fight and when not to fight.

It is only fair..

[dulce]

mos def there is good advice on this board. And, Chey, you know I stay at the school, I know what's in his file and when necessary, contested bullshit "citations." The letter writing is a good idea, just to reinforce the convo between the principal, the parents and the boys...And I'm one of the few parents that actually attends the PTA meetings...I stays on the keeblers!

K7 - I think I mentioned that I feel kinda torn about this dealio - I wanted him to feel confident enough to defend himself - but in the appropriate arena. And we can have boxing classes right here, cuz admin can vouch - I ain't no joke! ;) But he can definitely handle himself...

[davinci]

Originally posted by knowledge7

He will never knwo how to defend his wife or kids if something ever ever came up(god forbid) but its true.. unless you enroll him into a boxing class.. like mi mommy did me..
never don't the power of self preservation.

[knowledge7]

True True

[D2daO2da]

My son got suspended for the same thing. He got skipped a grade and is the youngest and kids would bother him calling him smart guy and three girls tried to rush him on the swing. Well he defended himself and got suspended. So what I did was take a day off of school and videotape kids bothering him and the teacher doing nothing when he told on them. So we took him out of that school and put him in Catholic School and he doesn't have any problems.

I didn't punish him for fighting but did let him know that it was a serious issue to be kicked out of school. I just removed him from that environment and needless to say the three little thug chicks are still in touble at that school.

D

[dulce]

unfortunately, D2, I don't have the luxury of removing my son from this school and not sure if I would pursue that option - unless he was getting seriously beat down...we can't always choose our environment and I think that it's important to learn as early as possible how to handle yourself in different settings...

today was his first day back so we'll see what happened...hopefully no drama since my phone didn't ring!

[SoftNwet]

You son was already being punished....he was suspended. There comes a time when you have to stand up and not be punked.....because we all know at school once a punk, always a punk. But since he has stood up for himself he shoul dnot have any more problems. Sometimes that is all it takes, one time to let people see that you ain't taking no shit and they will leave you alone. But to continue to take hits makes you an easy target for all.

[que90nek]

soft u make school sound like OZ...a prison facility.

[SoftNwet]

Originally posted by que90nek+
soft u make school sound like OZ...a prison facility.


When was the last time you have been in a high school or seen how big these damn kids are!?!?!? Some of the kids in there are two strikes from being in OZ. Not that all schools are that bad but kids now have to stand up for themselves before they are tagged as an easy mark. I do not condone just going in there and trying to "Billu Bad-ass" but you still need to at least not get labeled as the "lunch money boy" either!!!!

[dulce]

exactly, soft - and these elem school kids are taller and bigger than me!

he's just gotta learn how to work around the system cuz suspensions are no joke but then neither is get ass whuppings on the regular...all was cool yesterday...the other kid had an attitude but stayed away from little man...he came home with about 4 buddies and they were telling him how the whole class was talking about how he bad he tagged that bully (yeah, I ear hustled from another room...) He told them that he just wished he hadn't done it in class or on school grounds, so I think he learned his lesson...that other kid better watch out when he's in the cut tho'...if he starts something, he might get caught up!

[que90nek]

Originally posted by softNwet+



When was the last time you have been in a high school or seen how big these damn kids are!?!?!? Some of the kids in there are two strikes from being in OZ. Not that all schools are that bad but kids now have to stand up for themselves before they are tagged as an easy mark. I do not condone just going in there and trying to "Billu Bad-ass" but you still need to at least not get labeled as the "lunch money boy" either!!!!

i was in a high school just the other day. i live right across the street from one of the roughest in the area. yes, i know what you are talkin about. i am glad your son realizes that its an off campus thing and has the support of the majority.

[SoftNwet]

Originally posted by que90nek+


i am glad your son realizes that its an off campus thing and has the support of the majority.

So Que what youare saying is ( and I know you will correct me if I am wrong :rolleyes: ) that is all good as long as the beat down is done off campus!?!?!?! Well, my son got jumped off campus but I had my ass up there the very next day and had and investigation done because th bull shit started while at school, and the threats were made on school grounds. So are you saying that they should be more selective with the venue in which they fight or what?!!?!?:confused:

[mack_black]

Again..here I am all late and shit....

but I say HELL NO dont punish your son...he already got suspended and he no doubt suffered alot of bullshit dealing with the other kid...he has learned that when the shit gets intolerable..handle ya business...chances are that the other kid will think twice before messing with your son again.....and htat goes for all the kids in his school because everyone already knows that your son stood up to aggression...now he's the man....

shit if it was my son Id take him out to his favorite restaurant/movies.

DISCLAIMER: of course I would do this because my son has been taught not to start fights, just end 'em....

[que90nek]

Originally posted by softNwet+


So Que what youare saying is ( and I know you will correct me if I am wrong :rolleyes: ) that is all good as long as the beat down is done off campus!?!?!?! Well, my son got jumped off campus but I had my ass up there the very next day and had and investigation done because th bull shit started while at school, and the threats were made on school grounds. So are you saying that they should be more selective with the venue in which they fight or what?!!?!?:confused:

i am saying that my kids will understand that each and every time that i am called out to the school...will not bode well for them! period. they will also understand that there is a trade off....they need to know that it is a definite last resort....u come to me and tell me that some kid is bothering u and the teachers are doing nothing about it...i am going to act and go to the school and see what is going on...but if u don't tell me...and u don't handle it peacefully...or privately....don't get caught. i don't want my child to ever think that fighting is a solution.

let's see...i kick your ass one day...then the next day...you bring a gun and shoot me...

[dulce]

ya know, anyway you slice it, it's a difficult situation to deal with. No kid wants to get their ass kicked all the time but they also don't want to get suspended. And they have to find a way to deal with the bucketheads that either don't know any better or don't care...school is a very scary place for kids right now...back in the day, we just had to worry about fighting and now our kids have to worry about getting shot or stabbed...it's just so fucking wrong...

[lightandlovely1]

Originally posted by dulce+

now I wanna ask ya'll this: Even tho my son's reaction was self-defense, he did get suspended. Should I punish him? I'm feeling "no" but 'ppreciate some Hush feedback...

Did they suspend the other kid? Because if not, I would have to act a fool for a minute. But no, I would not punish my kid if I'd told him to handle his business. But I would fight with the school for not dealing with the brat sooner.