Incest...

[Versatile]

NO, this is not me talking, but what would you do in the situation below.


Im sitting here scrying and about to vomit, my boyfriend of a year just confided in me that when he was 14 and his sister was 12, he and her were "lovers" he used to finger her and she used to give him handjobs...I CANT handle this, he told me Im not allowed to tell anyone but I REALLY dont know how to handle this. He said I'm the only one he has ever told this to, although his mom eventually found out.

Persoanlly, I would be single again. At those ages, you are hardly babies and know right from wrong. The fact that his mother knew and did nothing about it tells me another story so I'd run.

[14KBlaqWmn]

I wouldn't turn my back on him. It's hard to say if they really understood right from wrong because if their mother condoned it, they may have saw that as being ok and acceptable. It may have been when they were older and talked to other folks that they realized that it was not ok.

[shtalker]

WTF:eek: :eek:

[nubianx2]

I don't know that I'd totally write him off. If he's a victim of incest, then he, his sister and mother need counseling. He'll also need a good friend.

[mystkev]

I would still be his friend, but I would have to end the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It could be that their family is into incest if his mother did not do anything. Granted, it could be that she did not know what to do.

I had a relative who married a man whose entire family was sleeping together. She went into a bedroom and saw her mother and father in-law in bed w/her sister in-law and the sister in law's husband:eek: (I'm not sure if her husband was there too) They beat the crap out of her, I am not sure how long she was in the hospital but it was for a couple of days. Needless to say she divorced her husband.

[Versatile]

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
I wouldn't turn my back on him. It's hard to say if they really understood right from wrong because if their mother condoned it, they may have saw that as being ok and acceptable. It may have been when they were older and talked to other folks that they realized that it was not ok.


I never said I would turn my back on him, I said I would be single again. He still needs a friend and since he trusted me enough to tell me this, I would be there for him. My point is I'm a single woman with kids, and if I was in that situation, I wouldn't be able to trust him around them. Especially like your very valid point, "he may see it as acceptable and ok." Since there is no trust, there couldn't be a relationship.

[shtalker]

That is sad... They all need to get help!!!!

[davinci]

it's only because "you" know that it's freakin' "you" out. never dated a woman who wasn't molested in some way. i'm sure if the subject becomes popular, there will be more and more cases of incest noted. ol' boy must really care and be confident in the relationship to tell this.

if kissin' cousins wasn't the joke it was, d would be chickless. i tried to break NC cousins' backs. dirty south cuz gimme dirty south head. i digress.

[14KBlaqWmn]

D, that's too much info bruh.

[davinci]

what else is a sex-crazed teenager to do at fam reunions;) ?

[nubianx2]

Originally posted by davinci+
what else is a sex-crazed teenager to do at fam reunions;) ?

I could think of a few other things.

[davinci]

Originally posted by davinci+
it's only because "you" know that it's freakin' "you" out. never dated a woman who wasn't molested in some way. i'm sure if the subject becomes popular, there will be more and more cases of incest noted. ol' boy must really care and be confident in the relationship to tell this

my point, ladies.

[Versatile]

Originally posted by davinci+
what else is a sex-crazed teenager to do at fam reunions;) ?


Thank you GOD for not letting me be in his family. *LOL* Somewhere there is a tramatized cousin(s), hiding around the corner when she see you..

[Melotic]

Originally posted by davinci+
what else is a sex-crazed teenager to do at fam reunions;) ?

[davinci]

Originally posted by Versatile+



Thank you GOD for not letting me be in his family. *LOL* Somewhere there is a tramatized cousin(s), hiding around the corner when she see you.. they jumped MY bones.

[que90nek]

gosh...not trusting the guy now is awfully harsh...

he was young she was young....now if he admitted to messing around with the 6 year old at the age of 14...that's different.

this can have a serious mental impact on him...his actions back then...OR...it can have NO impact at all. he obviously feels a lil guilty about it now....but...it doesnt mean he is a criminal.

[HulaSista]

i had a cousin who did this too me...we were the same age (he 14, me 12)...but...i have sense dealt with the issue. he hasn't cause he avoids me. no hard heart here.

oh well... i've moved on.

[davinci]

people, d was talking about 3rd and 4th cousins! mom has no sisters or brothers and besides it was partly a joke! relax, fam! d's no rapist! geesh

[Versatile]

Originally posted by HulaSista+
i had a cousin who did this too me...we were the same age (he 14, me 12)...but...i have sense dealt with the issue. he hasn't cause he avoids me. no hard heart here.

oh well... i've moved on.


If he avoids you. You said you moved on and that's great. But, because he avoids you tell me that he is still feeling guilty about it to the point he can't face you. I've never been in that situation but I've heard so many people talk about it. This is one of those instances. I have a doctor on my job who is from Arkansas. She said in Arkansas, they saying goes, "A real virgin is a girl that can out run her brothers." Sad and nasty as it sounds, in many cases it is so true.

[que90nek]

uh.
que<=== from arkansas

i have never heard that fool ass statement.

[djackso]

I had two cousins whose mothers were sisters engage in consensual sex & both of them has real issues. One she died of a drug overdose & the other swears black women are evil. Incest leaves people with scars that don't heal.

[sistuhchey]

Que, what part of Arkansa???

*********************************

All young people will experiment...hopefully not with a relative. In cases where this has happened, hopefully the individual sought a confidant, or some way of dealing with it.........Not everyone needs to go on Oprah or right a book....


***************************************

I recall, spying on my brothers when they were kissing or making out in the car, or in the garage or on the patio....and each time they finished, they'd attempt to hide their "HARD-ONS"... I vivdly remember saying to my Dad, "Why come every time Wayne kisses Cathy his pants swell???....I guess I was about 8 or 9...
(Long story short) I got a whuppin for looking at my brother's crotch area....and my Dad told me, sisters don't look at their brothers crotch.......It wasn't until I was grown, that I was able to say to my brothers...Negro your fly is open....


****************************************

Versatile, just continue to be a friend....
:)

[Versatile]

Originally posted by sistuhchey+
I vivdly remember saying to my Dad, "Why come every time Wayne kisses Cathy his pants swell???....I guess I was about 8 or 9...
(Long story short) I got a whuppin for looking at my brother's crotch area....and my Dad told me, sisters don't look at their brothers crotch.......It wasn't until I was grown, that I was able to say to my brothers...Negro your fly is open


That is so sad. If you're a child, you're going to look with curiosity, not with sexual desire . It is my opinion, that when a parent(s) makes something innocent appear wrong or bad, a child may have the urge to investigate even more. My mother was sexually explicit. I can remember being as young as 6 and my mother saying "he is hung heavy" or "he is hung like a stallion." My father use to ask her not to say such things but she still did. I didn't know what it meant until later, which by then, it was humerous because she didn't act as if it was a bad thing. I don't care how young we were, if we were old enough to ask, she told us the truth. At thirteen, I said what I had always heard her say about a man while looking at a man, in briefs, in a department store ad. She laughed and simply said, "girl hush, what do you know." Neither I nor any of my siblings, experimented in anyway with each other.

[sistuhchey]

Yep, I got my but spanked....but I learned it's not proper to eye a family member like that, and since my Dad is from the old, old school..I'm sure it was easier for him to whup me than to explain the birds and bees...

thinking back...I can't picture my dad saying come here girl, let me tell you why your brother's dick is hard???:rolleyes: :rolleyes: ...right or wrong it was easier to spank me..than to explain....oh well...

[knowledge7]

Give that boy some guidance.. its too much other women to be fingering besides his damn sister.. :beating

[D2daO2da]

I remember at a family reunion one of my cousins gave me that look and said "if you weren't my cousin". I still haven't talked to her. I was like no she didn't.

Two things:
1. I would still be his friend and talk to him about how it started to educate myself about the situation so I can see signs so maybe if my kids are in the same situation I can handle it. I want to know what drove them toward each other.

2. If he works as a counselor to help teens avoid stuff like this then he may have potential. You got regular dudes having sex with babies, younggins that may be more of a threat to your children than him.

D

[knowledge7]

That boy just need a good ass whupping.. :beating