at my wits end

[sinnah]

i'm at my wits end. seems like nothing's going right and no matter how hard i try things end up in the same rut. i don't like my job and have been trying to find something else, but not a lot of luck with that. i don't have a lot of friends and really no social life. i try to get together with what few friends i have but usually there dealing with there own problems or involved with someone and don't have time to really hang with me. ive done things solo but i've done that so much that i hate doing it now. the dating scene sucks. either i go out with someone that's desperate to be with someone or someone thats confused. and if i happen to find someone that i clik with, it doesn't develop into anything and i never know why. i'm so unhappy and i feel so alone. i feel like a dam hermit. ive thought about just ending it all and in fact i almost did twice. i feel like it would be so much better that way. the only thing that snapped me back then was that i thought god wouldn't be pleased with that. ive prayd so much my knees hurt. ive started to feel like it's just a waste of my time. if god loves me so much why am i always hurting and feeling as i do. ive cried out for help to folks before and ive had the same song and dance happen. they talk to me to see what's wrong and say that they will help, but then they don't. ive tried to help myslef, but without luck and i feel that nobody really cares and nobody truly will help me. i just want to be happy and for once in my life for something to go right.

[Brightness]

Okay, there's a lot of stuff going on with you based on your post. . .job/career, friends, lack of companion/S.O. . . .If I didn't know better I'd have thought I blacked out and posted this one. . ;)

I can relate to some of the feelings that you describe as I'm sure quite a few others have. I know it seems like the answer to cry out for help and have someone else come to our rescue but you have taken an important step in praying and asking the Lord to ease your burden. Are you listening to what he's saying and not so absorbed in your problems that you don't hear his guidance?

You say you want to be happy, have you taken the time to realistically assess what that may be? You have to start off small and take it one day at a time. Maybe try treating yourself to a manicure, pedicure or a new hairdo. . .that will give you a chance to feel pampered and to have the focus be all about you.

You say you do things solo. . .are you doing things that you truly love or enjoy and put you in the presence of others who are as passionate about it as you? What about an art/crafts class or a museum/gallery or sporting event? Pick something that gives you joy and then place yourself in that atmosphere.

As far as the man, I can't help you there because I'm single my dang self but fortunately I do have friends that I can hang out with from time to time. I know how it feels to be the third wheel but you can take the time of being alone to thoroughly spoil yourself and make yourself the best person you can be.

Remember, you aren't the first person to feel this way. Keep ya head up and stay strong sinnah, this too shall pass. . .

P.S. no matter how bad your knees hurt pray, pray and then pray some more :)

[dns70]

It's something that we all go through. I'm going through it right now. I've just come out of a relationship that I thought was going to be forever. I know firsthand the loneliness you're describing. And, I'm concerned about my future as well. And you're right, the dating scene does definitely suck. I have friends, but they have their own lives and situations to deal with.

There are a couple of things that you can do to feel better...

1) Realize that you're not the only one going through this. This helps alot. When you see other people making it through, you realize that you will make it through as well.

2) CALL UPON YOUR FRIENDS! It doesn't matter if you sound pathetic or miserable to them. That's what they are there for. Believe me, if you come clean with your closest ones and tell them how you're truly feeling, they will drop everything to be there for you. You sound really down, so I know that if they know how down you truly sound, they will rush to help.

3) Write out your goals. And make up small steps that work together to accomplish those goals. Look at your goals and look at what you're currently doing. Then you have to say to yourself "what do I need to do to get to my goals". Do you need to go back to school? If so, then go. There are a ton of programs for people to go to school full-time. Even if you have children.

4) Understand that this period you're undergoing is only for a season. It will pass and you will feel better. You really will. Trust me on that.

5) Do things that make you feel better and more confident about yourself. Go to the gym. Watch what you eat. Take an acting class or learn a instrument. Write a book. Listen to positive people speak. Get out of the house...stay out of the house! Go to bookstores and other places that are filled with people.

6) Don't give up on God. He is listening to you and He does have a plan for your life. But you have to control your thoughts. I know this is very difficult to do. But you can control them. You do have a mate out there. He will be everything you need. Don't let your fears overtake you.

Fear is a very strong emotion. It can feel as paralyzing as love feels libertating. It literally changes your mindset, your way of thinking. Your mind will perceive things worse than what they truly are. YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE! You are sinnah! You can change it. It won't be easy, but you can change it. You can be happy, you can be at peace, you can be content with yourself and your life. But you have to choose it. The Bible says placed before you are life and death...CHOOSE LIFE! Choose happiness Sinnah, choose peace, choose serenity and contentment. It's not always easy, but it can be done and you can do it.

Sinnah, don't allow yourself to feel so helpless and hopeless. I'm sure that you're relatively young. You're only obligation appears to be to yourself and maybe any children that you may have. You have the rest of your life before you. You can make it whatever you like.

I understand what you're going through. If you want to PM me, please do so. I insist on it. I promise that we will keep this confidential. But don't continue considering ending your life.

[yendys]

And don't let go. I know how you feel because I have been there. Last year was rough for me and my motto came to be and still is, "It COULD be worse. And still I rise."

Praying helps, but when you send your prayers up, you need to leave them there. God is not going to put anything on you that you can not handle. Trust you are being tested for endurance. Find your balance and let nothing/noone move you. "I shall not be moved."

The time you are spending alone right now is preparing you for the next set of relationship(s) to come in your life. Not only with men, but with friends. New friends come and go through out your life just as men until you find that/those persons who are going to be there for a lifetime. You have to learn to fully love yourself and not look for others to do it for you. Love you and your life for all that it is. Life is too short to spend it miserable and depressed. Live each day as if it was your last; live one day at a time.

As for dating; don't go into anything looking for certain qualities. Open yourself up and enjoy the fact that you are able to date and get out. Don't have the thought of "I am looking for a long term mate" in your head, but rather a FRIEND. You don't need to look for anyone. The person meant for you will come along when the time is right. Let God send the man to you rather than trying to find him yourself.

Hold your head up and be strong. Let noone unnerve you. You are the center point of your happiness. You just need to sort through all that is going on deep within. That is an extremely hard task, but when you feel most alone, always remember God is right there to listen to every concern you may have and will carry you when you are too weak to go on. It is at this point in your life when you are going to have to be strong and hold on. It could be worse and all that don't kill you will only make you stronger.

"Lord give me the strength to hold it all together." Everytime you feel as if you want to let go, say that. It helped me many times and to this day, I still have to say it some 2 or 3 times per day some days. Hold your head high and let the sun shine on you once again and everything will be alright. As that quote goes, "Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, then it is not the end." Be blessed and take care..............

[que90nek]

...
i won't be repetitive.
i agree with what has been posted above.

on two separate occassions you have really considered committing suicide? dear sinnah, there is nothing that we can say...that will change your life...only you can do it.
if u have extra time...give some of it to help the homeless or the needy...volunteer at local shelters....this may help.

[Vronni]

sinnah,people do care. God cares,your family and friends care,even the hush family cares.Please don't hurt yourself!Have you talked to a professional about this? How about your pastor?I think that that could really help you. I know that sometimes it's hard to reach out to friends but that's an option. Volunteering is a good way to get out of the house and it makes you feel good too. There are care centers,Big brother/Big Sister programs,missions and lots of places that could use your help. What you are going through is temporary. Like they say"This too shall pass". Start to think positive and you will begin to feel better. Just take it one day at a time. GOD bless you and good luck!

[sinnah]

i apreciate the advice that everyone's given. the things you guys said are the same things that ive told myslef over and over, but it's gotten to the point that i don't believe any of it anymore because nothing's changed no matter how much i love myslef, put effort toward it, or pray. ive felt this way for so many years and have tried to keep hope alive, but it just doesn't seem to work. ive fallen off the horse and gotten on so many times that ive got saddle sores. with each failure it cuts deeper and deeper to the point that i just think that if i were dead i wouldn't have to worry about all the disapointmint, hurt, and unhapiness anymore. ive talked to freinds before about my problems and they say they help and for a short period they do and then there nowere to be found. somethings in life it helps when others encourage you and stick by you nomater what, but to have folks to be there one minute and gone the next makes you feel like they don't care especialy if you already are at a vernerable state, gotten your courage up to get it together only to look around and find that your support is gone. the best way for me to describe that would be a baby taking his/her first steps. when the parent is standing there telling the child to walk toward them, smiling and so forth, the child feels encourage to take a step. once they reach their parent they are huged and made to feel that they did something good. if they fall, either the parent will try to catch them or help them up and try to walk with them until they feel comfortble to walk on their own. i don't have that kind of support. i'm in this alone and feel that i always will be.

[Tastey]

Sinnah you don't want to die, what you really want to do is live but right now you actually feel dead so you are thinking "Hey, why not be dead" when what you should really be thinking is what can I do to feel alive again.

I know it's hard. Trust me, I have been where you are. Hey why pretend I'm close right now.

Things have gone right for once, when you came back to yourself without ending it. You heard God telling you that's not what he wanted. Now stop praying, Yes I said stop praying...and just listen for God to answer. Sometimes we are so caught up in praying Lord, help me over and over that we don't give God a chance to answer us. Give him a chance he will lead and guide you to finding happiness within yourself. No job, no man, no money is going to make you happy. Only YOU can make YOU happy. Only you can control your thoughts feelings and emotions...ONLY YOU. Things might get better...they might not but Sinnah you are the one who controls how you feel about your situation.

When you decide that you are happy with you, and truly love you then and only then will you be happy regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.

Faith in God does not prevent bad things from happening to you. As a matter of fact Satan attacks you more, but what a strong loving faithful relationship with him does is help you deal with the things that do happen.

You can't control the world around you Sinnah...only the world within you. :)

[que90nek]

sinnah.
How can i demonstrate to you that i care....gosh darn it....i don't know what it is...it could be the fact that i am listening to a song by Donnie McClurkin...called STAND...it's saying "after you have done all you can....after you have gone through the storm...after you have gone through the rain....JUST STAND...."

I don't know if you believe ...that God has worked it out for you...I don't know if you are at a point where u feel like there is Nothing left....that your tank is empty....

sinnah...do you know....the footsteps poem....the one that says that God is walking beside you....God knows your troubles....at a certain point....he will carry u....(serious paraphrase)....bottom line...like this song is sayin right now....

GOD has a purpose....JUST STAND....JUST STAND.....he'll see you through...through the storm....

sinnah...i promise u....this song just happens to be playing....it is what GOD wanted you to know!

i will attach it....

sinnah...
hold out....i'll pray for you....we'll pray for you.

[que90nek]

trying...

sorry its not letting me post it....but...i can send to u....
in fact...if u tell us where u live perhaps some of the fam could come visit u.....

[14KBlaqWmn]

I can relate to some of what you're saying sinnah, but don't give up. Everyone's said pretty much what I would say, but I do want to add one thing. Life is a hard road to travel, but when at a crossroad, pray for strength and the guidance to walk the right path.

If you haven't done so already, try to find a support group or seek counselling. I know you're looking for others to help you, but I think this may be one for the professionals.

[dulce]

Sinnah,

I've got an addition to the wonderful advice given so far: let it out - if you have to cry, scream whatever and when that's done, try to really pinpoint what's hurting you by writing it down. Take look at what you've written and divide it into what you can control and what you can't. The stuff you can't control - let it go. And take small steps towards changing what you can.

Also, try some physicial activity - running, walking, dance classes or even mediation. All free and don't require a partner.

Most importantly, start working on appreciating YOU.

Praying for you with the rest of the HushFam...

[dulce]

oops - meant meditation...

[sinnah]

again, i hear what you guys are saying and ive done the writing for relief and realization, ive done the activities to try to be more socible and keep myslef preocupied, but nomater what the problems are or how ive tried to solve them they don't seem to get any better. i think tastey hit the nail on the head. i do feel like i'm a living dead person. and true i can only make myslef happy which is what ive been trying to do. i know what will make me happy, but the most important thing that i desire is something that is not in my control. sure i can make myslef happy and ive done that, but that only goes but so far. i need people in my life as well, but it seems that nobody wants to stick around. maybe 14ks right. maybe the people that i need are the profesionals. thanks guys.

[dns70]

What would make you happy?

[que90nek]

Originally posted by dns70+
What would make you happy?

echo...

[14KBlaqWmn]

I reread your posts sinnah and correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you're looking for your happiness to come from someone else. If I'm right, tell me what it is about another person that would make you happy? Or is it just the fact of not being alone that would make you happy?

[sinnah]

having a job that is in my field and pays what i'm worth will make me happy. having friends that are there thru thik and thin would make me happy. finding a man that will love me unconditionly will make me happy. these are things that are not totaly in my control. i give 110% of myslef to try to improv these things, but havne't had anything good com of it. i feel like my eforts are in vain. i feel like a failure and i wonder what it is that i'm doing wrong for thigs to be this way. i'm just so tired of tring and doing it alone.

[misha]

I think that the key to what you have said is that you feel alone. I am hearing that you have done all the things that you are supposed to do and nothing has changed. That can be an extremely painful feeling, struggling alone. I know where you are coming from.

I went for years feeling like I was swimming upstream and the current is rough...and if I could, I would give you a big hug, and tell you that you will get to the other side.

The advice that has been given here is good sound advice. And we are all here to stand by you and support you. You may not have the unconditional love of a man yet, but you have ours. You have reached out to us, now allow us to hold you and nurture you sista....

Hit me up if you need to talk. You can IM me at yahoo, misha61615, or IM me at aol, mvielm.

[lightandlovely1]

Sinnah, I have been where you are - even to the point of being suicidal so I'm going to address what I feel are your key issues.

At this point, the thing you need to deal with first and foremost are the feelings are harming yourself. Until you get beyond this, and start liking yourself, you won't be able to move forward to address the other issues. I would suggest counseling either in a one-on-one basis or in a professionally led support group. If you can't afford counseling, most employers these days have some sort of employee assistance program which will direct you to a counselor (gives you a list to choose from generally) who provides confidential services.

Before you will be able to have a successful relationship (with a man or a friendship with the girls) you will need to accept yourself first. No one will be able to love you if you can't love yourself. I know that when you are alone and lonely, it's easy to wonder if you will ever meet someone to compliment you. I know how it hurts to have a relationship end that you thought would last forever but take this time to to evaluate yourself. Check yourself to see how you've grown and what things you will need in a relationship.

Find happiness within yourself about yourself and then you will attract someone good enough for you. Lord knows I know the dating scene sucks - but that is another post entirely. Be happy working in the homeless shelter or working in your church or with the neighborhood kids or whatever will make you happy. Prepare yourself to receive and be the kind of person you want to attract.

I read somewhere that you need to give back what you are asking for. So, if you want a well adjusted someone who's got his own, then that's where you need to be first. The first step to that will be to begin to love yourself.

[lightandlovely1]

Originally posted by sinnah
having a job that is in my field and pays what i'm worth will make me happy. having friends that are there thru thik and thin would make me happy. finding a man that will love me unconditionly will make me happy. these are things that are not totaly in my control. i give 110% of myslef to try to improv these things, but havne't had anything good com of it. i feel like my eforts are in vain. i feel like a failure and i wonder what it is that i'm doing wrong for thigs to be this way. i'm just so tired of tring and doing it alone.

Ok, so what steps are you taking to be paid what you are worth? If the friends aren't there (keep in mind that friendships like any other relationship take time to build), what are you doing to make different friends? The man (same question)?
Are you looking for someone or something to make you happy? to complete you? or are you trying to compliment you?

I know about feeling like a failure but you are not a failure. You are reaching out now for help and finding it so you are succeeding here. You continue on each day even though you are feeling the urge to give up, so you are a success there.

[14KBlaqWmn]

I don't get the impression that sinnah doesn't like herself. I get the impression that she's tired of being by herself and that she wants people to fill her life. I can truly relate to that.

It's not a great feeling to be alone regardless of all the activities you get yourself involved in. Sure you can go out, have loads of fun and so forth, but when you come home, who are you coming home to....nobody. That can be depressing in itself. So sinnah, I understand what you're experiencing, but don't give up. Things will turn around.

[lightandlovely1]

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+
I don't get the impression that sinnah doesn't like herself. I get the impression that she's tired of being by herself and that she wants people to fill her life. I can truly relate to that.

It's not a great feeling to be alone regardless of all the activities you get yourself involved in. Sure you can go out, have loads of fun and so forth, but when you come home, who are you coming home to....nobody. That can be depressing in itself. So sinnah, I understand what you're experiencing, but don't give up. Things will turn around.

Well I hope that the problem is simple loneliness although I've been very, very lonely at times since my husband and I split up and I've never thought of harming myself - just impatient to find someone to share my world with.

I know things will get better for Sinnah with time.

[davinci]

sinnah, try to kill yourself.

one way to experience life is to toy with death. like dulce suggests, though not as extreme as i do is, nothing gets you higher than an endorphine or adrenaline rush.

what i'm trying to say is break your status quo with a bang. do some wild shyt that noone would expect.