Dating Women with Children.. [Archive]

Tastey

12-30-2001, 06:26 PM

I can respect a man not wanting to be involved with a single parent. As a single parent I have run into plenty of them.

But my personal opinion is to each his own. Some men don't like thick women, or tall women, or dark skinned women, or light skinned women, or whatever. Everyone has thier preferences.

What bothers me is as BE said some men will immediately cross you off the list for a serious relationship BUT they will still pursue you as if they didn't. :confused: Then 6-8 months down the road when they been getting the draws on the regular, having dinner, taking the child on outings...they suddenly say. "Well we can't be together long-term because you have a child(ren)." WTF??? WTS??? He wasn't born yesterday...he was here before you were.

To me that's low and trifling. :beating

SoftNwet

12-30-2001, 06:58 PM

How da hellyou gonna still try and get the drawedrs when you good and damn well you do not see her as anything but a booty call!?!?!?That is what kills me. If you can not accept my child/children then do not accept my sweet coochie!!!!:fu

Bedroomeyes

12-30-2001, 07:01 PM

See this is what I'm talking about.. I've run across that many times before as well.... :rolleyes:

D2daO2da

12-30-2001, 07:11 PM

I was about 23 and I was involved with an older woman (28) that had a 12 year old son. Yeah she started young. They lived across the street from me so I saw both of them all the time. He came over to play games (Nintendo, Sega Genisis) and she came over to play games (tie me up, and Doctor) I didn't have a problem with it. They moved down south and we lost touch. 10 years later... I have dated women that had children. Baby Daddy Drama exists too yall. It's diferent.. They only care about who is getting their stuff.. not who is around their child. I tell my sons mother to make sure the guy she messes with has a JOB.

I do however feel that if I see someone with a child I don't need to meet that child until I have a long term plan. Kids can love ya or hate ya.. either way they don't need to be confused with strangers that won't be around for the long haul. So if the long haul is what I want then I have to assume additional responsibilities and welcome the thought of a blended family.

D2daO2da

12-30-2001, 07:16 PM

Originally posted by Tastey+
Then 6-8 months down the road when they been getting the draws on the regular, having dinner, taking the child on outings...they suddenly say. "Well we can't be together long-term because you have a child(ren)." WTF??? WTS??? He wasn't born yesterday...he was here before you were.

To me that's low and trifling. :beating

My Ex Fiance pulled that crap on me.. She had this problem when I told her that I was having a child. She was my best friend back in the day. She was jealous that I was procreating with out her. So after a year of our relationship and she moved to VEGAS, she told me that me being a father bothered her.. She could have saved me a lot of time and not pretend for so long. Maybe we still would be friends today. I wrote a CD bout her ass.. lol

que90nek

12-30-2001, 07:28 PM

i would get the draws...
but i wouldnt commit to them and they knew that...they also knew that i wouldnt be around their kids...no matter how much they wanted me to be.

mommy's need lovin too!

HulaSista

12-31-2001, 12:40 PM

Tastey and Soft..........big Hush hi five for that.

djackso

01-02-2002, 06:55 AM

It all depends on the attitude of the mother. Women should remember that is your child & anything a man does for your child is extra not a requirement. Women expect you to take financial responsibility then turn around & say "you ain't the daddy".

sistuhchey

01-02-2002, 08:25 AM

Men with children.....women with children.......baby momma drama.....baby daddy drama.....WHY???????

CHOICES........I resolve to make better CHOICES IN THE YEAR OF 2002'.......

(repeat after me)...I RESOVE TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES IN 2002

Now if I could just pratice this on a daily.....and get my daughter to say it.....

"Blended Family"....interesting term...

davinci

01-02-2002, 09:06 AM

Originally posted by Reesecup+
My decision is not to even get involved with a man, if he can't accept the fact that my child comes included.

that should be the bottomline. a man is attracted to you physically, psychologically, whatever, but to YOU. jerry macgwyer, ms. doubtfire and all these other flicks with men loving women and their children being immediately put into the mix is over. one, that's irresponsible and two, it's fake. you wanted to bone her because you thought she could suck a golf ball thru a garden hose, not because of baby daddy jr.

men need to put it all up front: shaniqua, i'm just trying to get to know you or i'm just trying to bone.

woman...earl, it's the package - take it or leave it or i needs some dick only.

i've dated women who tried that i want to meet your son, and got mad when i said no. i've also had the woman that tried to test my loyalty. she quickly learned that she wasn't #1-100. wife is different from girlfriend. i've woman tell me no because i had a son. i respected (after my initial "B*TCH, i ain't want you anyway) the early refusal more.

dns70

01-02-2002, 10:35 AM

My ex-girlfriend has a 7 year old son. I started dating her when he about to turn 5. I love that kid and I loved her. I never minded hanging out with him, I helped him with his homework, we played baseball together, basketball, I helped him learn how to ride his bike, we played video games and we wrestled all the time (I'd let him win). :) I truly did love him like he was my own flesh and blood even though a drop of my blood wasn't in him. Sure, me and her never really had conventional "Saturday Nights" or "Friday Nights" but we compensated. And it was fine with me. A Saturday night at Chuck E Cheese's or Jeepers or watching Rugrats the movie was fine with me. I really enjoyed the family atmosphere we had.

Now having said all that...

I don't think I will ever get serious with a single mother again.

Breaking up has been twice as hard because it has meant breaking up not only with her but with him as well. Getting to that level of care and love with a child that isn't yours is hard to do. It's takes a very special type of guy and a very special type of child in a very special type of relationship. I don't think most men can do it and I definitely don't think most younger, single men have the maturity to handle it. I just don't think that I can love another man's child as much as I did my ex's little boy. I know I'll have that love for my own children, but someone else's...I don't think so anymore.

nubianx2

01-02-2002, 11:00 AM

I've never run into problems with men having issues with the fact that I'm a single mother. However, I've never brought my daughter into my relationships. I 've always felt that whomever I dated only needed to be introduced to her if we were contemplating making a serious committment. I have always let them know that my first priority is to my daughter and not to my relationship with them and they have always honored that.

davinci

01-02-2002, 01:21 PM

Originally posted by nubianx2+
I've never run into problems with men having issues with the fact that I'm a single mother. However, I've never brought my daughter into my relationships. I 've always felt that whomever I dated only needed to be introduced to her if we were contemplating making a serious committment. I have always let them know that my first priority is to my daughter and not to my relationship with them and they have always honored that.

my point exactly. but once i take a woman as my bride, there has to be a mental switch that i must flip that puts her on the same, if not higher, level as my son. bible says, best way to be a father is to be a great husband, and the best mother is a great wife. people don't realize that and that is a whole nuva thread. that vindictive and jealous stuff requires counselling, and hopefully is identified before nuptials take place.

HulaSista

01-02-2002, 03:37 PM

Originally posted by davinci+

that vindictive and jealous stuff requires counselling, and hopefully is identified before nuptials take place.

i believe it should be identified before either man or woman even bothers to get into a relationship at all. i would not want to find out that my fiance, a year away from our wedding is JUST NOW starting to have issues with my son.

hi five to davinci and nubian too.........

davinci

01-03-2002, 04:43 AM

grassy ass

Sparkles

01-03-2002, 05:03 AM

I totally agree wit you hula! Big Ups to divinci :beer

Originally posted by HulaSista+

i believe it should be identified before either man or woman even bothers to get into a relationship at all. i would not want to find out that my fiance, a year away from our wedding is JUST NOW starting to have issues with my son.

hi five to davinci and nubian too......... :

lovely

01-03-2002, 06:03 AM

I havent had anyone say that they wouldnt date me because i had a daughter. I did have one friend who got kind of upset because he couldnt just pop up over my house or me at his...but i ended that quickly. My number one priority is her, not me getting my grove on...and he couldnt understand why....Why he couldnt spend the night..or why i couldnt bring her over to his. It just aint happening..until I am married.

I have never had my daughter around any of the men i've dated beyond an introduction. Her relationship with her father is basically nonexistant and i dont want her to begin to develop relationships with a man i am dating and he walks out on her too.

I believe that when going into relationships with someone with children that that relationship needs to between the adults and not the children until engagement. Like dns said that he has had a hard time because it was like breaking up with not only his girl but the child as well. Well imagine how the child feels. He has lost an important figure in his life as well. I wont let that happen to my daughter(again).

Melotic

01-03-2002, 06:16 AM

But not children... I date for the sake of having a relationship most of the time, if that women has a child that part of the relationship... You have to accept both of them, nor should you expect her to put her mothering responsibilties on hold for you...

nubianx2

01-03-2002, 06:18 AM

Originally posted by lovely+

I believe that when going into relationships with someone with children that that relationship needs to between the adults and not the children until engagement.

Lovely,
I couldn't have said it better myself.

dns70

01-03-2002, 07:39 AM

How do you know how that child will interact with your mate? How do you how the mate will interact with the child?

These are important questions that should be faced before an engagement. That man has to know that when he marries or seriously begins to date you, that he is also marrying or dating the situation of the child as well.

But I do agree that the two need not interact until a relationship has been established and the intent of the future of that relationship is known.

Sparkles

01-03-2002, 07:46 AM

Originally posted by dns70+
How do you know how that child will interact with your mate? How do you how the mate will interact with the child?

These are important questions that should be faced before an engagement. That man has to know that when he marries or seriously begins to date you, that he is also marrying or dating the situation of the child as well.

But I do agree that the two need not interact until a relationship has been established and the intent of the future of that relationship is known.

Thanks shod, I was thinking the exact same thing. I have seen that situation happen to many times and the effect that the marriage have on the child!!!!

lovely

01-03-2002, 08:00 AM

I personally will have a long engagement. My church requires 6 months of premarital couseling. That is the time when i will begin to have her around him. Now dont get me wrong..when the relationship begins to seem like it is heading towards engagement...i will begin to wean her into our lives. Maybe the movies..or dinner. But i know girls who will let her child(ren) call their current man daddy. They let thier man do the things that a father is suppossed to do...and then when something goes wrong and the relationship ends you got a depressed woman and depressed child. Hopefully in being in a serious relationship i will be able to determine whether my child will like this man or not.

scoops

09-26-2003, 05:39 PM

Originally posted by Bedroomeyes
Men - When you meet a woman and she says that she is a single parent.. What is the first thing that goes through your mind? Do you tend to cross her off for a serious relationship?

Don't be scared to answer honestly... We won't hurt you.. ;)

Honestly before my son was born I onlyy dated 1 female who had a child and it didnt last long. her having"baggage" got to me.

But now I have a child of my own I have a whole new perspective
I would rather date someone that is going through some of the same situations as me.

Dont get me wrong I dont descriminate I date childless ladies too.