Hey everybody...long time no hear from.

[dns70]

Hey guys. I've been caught up for a while, but I wanted to ask the fam for some advice.

Some of you may know that I just went through a breakup with the woman I planned on marrying. Well, some things have happened over the last couple of months that I really just don't understand. Flat out Fam, I need some help in figuring this stuff out. So I'm gonna tell you guys the whole story and try to keep it as brief as possible without foregoing important details. Any insights you guys have would be appreciated. I trust God and know that He's going to work it out (He always does) sometimes it’s just nice to hear other people’s perspective on a situation. Thanks a lot and it’s good to talk to you folks again…


The Timeline:

March 2001, she tells me that she needs space. Basically, I became too wrapped up in things that I was doing. I’ll admit, I did get a little lazy in the relationship. I stopped putting her on that pedestal and giving her the attention that she wanted. Instead of giving her space, I tried to make it work. I tried to change the things that hurt her.

March-September: A whole lot of up-down, up-down between me and her. No real relationship, but no real defined breakup either. She’s really going through a lot in her personal life. She’s in school, she has a little 7 year boy (that I love like my very own), her father passed away a couple of years ago and she’s still dealing with the loss of him and selling his house and closing out his estate. I was always there for her when she needed me. Cleaning out her father’s house, helping her with her homework (which was a major thing). I even gave her $1,000 to help with some legal fees associated with her father’s house. She didn’t ask, she never asks, I just saw a need in her life and as the man I felt obligated to assist.

A Thursday in Late September: We talk, she tells me that she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. I say “ok” but I’m devastated.

The Following Saturday: We talk, she says that she has some errands to run. Would I like to come along? I say sure (because I love the chick y’know?) we have a good time. Then I bring up a relationship thing again and try to talk her into it (big mistake on my part). She gets upset, says that it’s not happening.

Early October: I go over there one morning to get some things of mine. I gave her a letter I wrote. She seems appreciative. Hand holding and stuff. Later that day I buy her roses, put together a big vase of her favorite candies and give her some “love coupons” that I made up for her. I surprise her with the tokens at her job. She seems to be appreciative. But I don’t hear from her the next two days. Like an idiot, I call her to see what the deal is. She’s like “why are you calling?” I’m caught by surprise by this. Basically, she re-affirms her stance that it’s over for real. OK, new pain.

Mid-October: she calls to see how I’m doing. We talk for about a half-hour. The next day, she calls again. We talk for about an hour. This is during sweetest day weekend (it’s a Midwest version of Valentine’s day). I didn’t hear from her at all that weekend. I call her at work the Wednesday following Sweetest day. Basically what begins as a nice conversation turns into a big “why can’t we get back together” fiasco. She hangs up the phone on me. I finally get it through my thick skull. Kid, this thing is over.

Early November: She calls to see how I’m doing and how things are going. We talk for about 20 minutes.

Late-November: The Thursday after Thanksgiving she calls for help with a finance assignment. It’s a pretty big assignment and according to her no one else can help with it. She says that she knows she shouldn’t be asking for help from me, and if I said no she would understand. I reluctantly agree to help. I go to her place. We work side by side at her computer for several hours. She puts her hand on my thigh, I put my hand on her thigh, she puts her hand on my hand. She falls asleep on my shoulder. I rub her cheek. It’s a real cool night.

The next day (Friday): She calls to thank me and stuff. She says she felt me rubbing her cheek, we make a joke out of it. I go over there Friday night. She has some Lit homework and I offered my services to help her out. She didn’t know that I knew Lit. (Hey I felt some momentum developing, and I didn’t want it to run out). She tells me that her son has really been missing me. I tell her that I miss him too.

The next day (Sat): She calls me at about 9am. She wants to know if I can come by to finish up what we started the night before. I say cool. I go over there, the kid runs out to me and hugs me, we talk on the couch. Real touching moment, Kramer v Kramer kind of stuff. I help out her mother and then offer to hang out with the kid for a few hours. She doesn’t mind. He and I hang for a few hours. I take him back to his mom’s place. She asks what am I doing for the rest of the evening. I tell her not much. She asks would I mind hanging with the two of them. We run some errands and have dinner at a pizza hut. I drop them off. Her and I do a short hug. End of night.

Sunday-no call,
Monday-no call

Tuesday: She calls me at about midnight to talk. We talk for about a good hour. She mentions the homework that I helped her out with. Says she really appreciated the help. I tell her that I don’t think I’ll be able to help her in the future. I was upset and was beginning to feel “used”. She was hurt. She took it much worse than I thought she would. She tells me that she never intended that. She was enjoying my company, etc. etc. I stay with my decision. Hey, you’re either in my life or you’re not.

Rest of the Week: I feel horrible. I feel like I did the wrong thing.

Saturday: I call her. I tell her that I reconsidered my decision. She apologizes for making me feel that way. The convo lasts about an hour.

Sunday: She calls again. She needs help. I go over there. We talk before working. She apologizes for what she’s been putting me through. We hug…a lot…long passionate kind of hugs. She says “I’m glad we can be friends through all of this”.

OK THIS PART IS IMPORTANT SO READ CAREFULLY

Monday: She calls me and leaves a voice-mail to call her back. She wants to thank me and to talk for a bit. We talk. I end up at her place after work. We watch TV and talk for a while. I tell her that I’m about to leave. She walks me to the door. At the door, she stands real close to me. She’s about 5’3, I’m 6’2. She says “wow, you’re very tall”. I tell her “well, you have the most gorgeous eyes”. She says “no that’s you with the beautiful eyes”. We get closer, I put my arm around her waist and we continue staring at each other. She says “Do you feel that?” referring to that passion kind of feeling that’s there between us. I tell her “it hasn’t gone anywhere has it?” She says “No, not at all. Not at all”. I kiss her on the cheek real slow like, then we kiss. She says “you think you’re slick”. I tell her “no, you do.” I leave.

Wednesday (a week ago): She calls to thank me for all of my help. We talk about stuff for a little while. I mention that I was thinking about asking her to go to the movies. She said she didn’t think that she was ready for that just yet. I said yeah, that’s what I thought so I decided against asking. She says, she’s flattered that I would think about asking her. We say goodbye nicely and hang up the phone.

That was last Wednesday and neither one of us has called the other since then. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to call. I mean, I don’t have anything to really say. The ball’s just not in my court at this time.

HushFam…what do I make of all of this? What are your thoughts?

[que90nek]

hmmm....man!!!if anybody else had posted this...it would take me 3 days to read it!
looks like u should have asked our advice back in september.

i would have told u then as i am tellin u now to pull back....to let her initiate.

i will also say that you tellin her that she is using u is a good thing because SHE IS. She hasnt called because finals are over and she doesnt need your help again until next semester.....i feel sorry for her son though....seems like you should pull away more for her son than yourself!

she is exploring her options....YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE in the picture. Let her explore...be cordial, but make her realize that you TOO have a life! she can't get u at her beck and call....

so next time she asked u to help her...BE BUSY!

but tell her an alternate time u can help her....the next day or the following week.

i could say more...but i reserve till later.......

[djackso]

Dns, When a woman tells you it's over that means it's over. You can stay close hoping she wants you back but next thing you know you'll be on the floor with footprints on your back cause you've been walked all over. Be the man & break away clean or some day you will resent the way she treated you & will never be able to start over with her when she comes around. Women wake up usually when it's too late so act like it's too late.

[dns70]

I hear you. I definitely see where you're coming from.

But Djackso, I'm having a little trouble following you...

You say that when a woman says it's over, it's over, but you say "when she comes around"...

Explain this a little further please...

thanks.

[SeaDuceme2]

Did you ever get a clarity on why the relationship ended?

Sounds to me like she "moved on" from the relationship long before she informed you, thats why it's easy for her to just go along with being "friends".

I suggest you just distance yourself away from her so you can heal and move on....one day at a time

[Qjai]

Welcome back DNS


I totally agree with what Que said. I've also done this before to an ex. He, just like you, got lazy with the relationship and when he wanted to fix it after the fact I resented him for it. I used him, just as I believe you are being used. That was my way of getting him back or hurting him for hurting me. I'm not saying that is what she is doing to you, but it sounds familiar. You are her sure thing. She knows that you still have feelings and she is benefiting off of that. Give yourself a chance to heal...and stay away until you are strong.

When you feel those urges to call, do something else and I'm sure you know that over time...those urges will be few and far between...good luck.

[Tastey]

I agree with Que and Qjai. Let it go. She needed your help and used the fact that you are still in love with her to get it.

The relationship is over...accept it...move on.

Each time that she calls you get new hope that maybe this time you can work it out but what you are not realizing is that of the times she's called it has not been because she wanted you back...it was to fill a need she had at the time. She hasn't called you because right now she doesn't need you.

She may come around in the future. For your sake I hope that she does. But when she does it needs to be completely. She needs to say "Hey, I made a mistake, I want to start over, please forgive me." None of this you got beautiful eyes stuff. She was playing you Boo. :( Plain and simple. She wanted to make sure she still had you...and basically she does because here you are a week later stressing over it.

Move on and let it go.

[knowledge7]

Dog I went through that same bullshyt when I first got back to the states..

You just have to let it ride and she waht she does.. if she is readay to keep going with it.. she will keep you as a contact.... (like a just in case) type of thing..

As for the son, you need to detach that.. unless you plan on being frineds with this kid for the rest of his childhood life.. but don't give him the impression that you and his mama are seeing each other.. feel me.

Let it go dog.. ande play her terms for a while...

[dns70]

...to do the "let it go" thing. But when you keep getting phone calls and passionate moments it becomes difficult.

I do want to explain one thing. I, in no way whatsoever, feels that she has been "getting over" on me. She's not that kind of person. She's actually a rather mature and well grounded person who's never played the "you hurt me so I'm gonna hurt you" game. This wasn't a relationship between 21 or 18 year olds, we shopped for engagement rings and planned our futures together. But she does "have me".

Tastey, I did accept the fact that the relationship was over a long time ago. I'm not the one calling her in this situation. You know what I mean?

I also agree with Knowledge and have purposely kept my contact with the child to a minimum.

What I want to know is do these things turn themselves around? Does she still have any meaningful feelings there? I mean, based on her actions as I described them, does it seem like with time and space that we can resolve this? Or does it seem hopeless to you guys? Do any of you have experience with this type of situation? And if so, how did it turn out?

[lovely]

I am kind of there myself dns. Best thing is to break it off completly. No phone calls, no hugs, no helping with homework..nothing. If you do keep contact those feelings will never ever go away. Believe me..i have been in a off/on thing for almost two years. Every time you hear from her its like any healing that takes place...the wound is split open again. Its the hardest thing in the world to do..I know because i still havent been able to do it. :rolleyes:

(((((((((((((squeezies))))))))))))

[mack_black]

dude...

according to your story its hopeless.....unless there is something that you left out.....

resist the attempts to call, try to get someone else to talk to....some will say that dealing with another is a rebound thing, but I say that its a healing thing....helping you to focus on another instead of her....'cuz she has moved on dude.....when will you?

anyway, stay tight, resist, and then relax...welcome back dude.... :D

[que90nek]

dns....we are NOT going to say that it NEVER happens...we are not going to say that there has never been a case where the person realizes that they are about to lose a GOOD thing...and then they turn it around....

the point... is for you to get her to that point....that point of REALIZATION THAT SHE IS ABOUT TO LOSE A GOOD THING. If you are continually there for her and keep actin like a pussy around her....she may be mature, but that doesnt mean that she is not takin full advantage. YOU WANT CLOSURE....will that closure come when u see her with someone else? or will u be in control of that closure...time and distance will help....perhaps that time and distance will cause her to COME CORRECT. but right now you have got to snap out of it....grab your nuts and resolve to keep your distance. if she calls u...stay cordial...but put a businesslike edge to it....

also...
try lookin at things from her point of view....for example:replay those passionate moments....were they really that passionate?

[djackso]

Originally posted by dns70+
I hear you. I definitely see where you're coming from.

But Djackso, I'm having a little trouble following you...

You say that when a woman says it's over, it's over, but you say "when she comes around"...

Explain this a little further please...

thanks.

There is nothing you can do to change her mind. Only she can change it. If she does then you have to make the decision whether to pursue or stay away.

[dns70]

yeah, I definitely understand that, but the question remains...

do women change their minds?

that's what I want to know...

any thoughts?

[Tastey]

Do you know who you sound like Shod? Me! that's who. LOL :D

I believe I made the same points about not being the one calling or pursuing the relationship...about all the history we had...about the passion we shared. LOL :D

You told ME to let it go until he came to me correctly. Physician heal thyself.

Yes, women change their minds sometimes. Will this woman change her mind? Who knows? Don't live your life based on whether or not she does. Live it for yourself and God the rest will work itself out.

[Juicey1]

This situation sounds like the book Ever After I won from Daily Diva. The guy & girl were madly in love, he proposed, she rejected him, he moved away to start over, to try and forget her, he met others, but still thought about her. He didn't have ANY contact with her though. Then when he had gotten himself together and was leaving for California to pursue acting, she called and wanted to try again (after about 2 or longer years) and he just wasn't feeling it. He picked up and moved on.

I agree with everyone else. Move on, limit contact with her and her son. It will be hard, but you can do it.

[djackso]

Originally posted by dns70+
yeah, I definitely understand that, but the question remains...

do women change their minds?

that's what I want to know...

any thoughts?

Is water wet? Does the wind blow? Women say one thing & do another daily. Do you pay attention to this message board?

[Vronni]

Welcome back,Dns. I would have to agree with what the others have said. I would step back and not have any contact with her for awhile. She may come around in the future,no one knows what the future holds. If it's meant to be then she will return but right now you seem to be the only one interested in a romantic relationship. She has made it clear,in my opinion,that she is more intersted in having you as a friend,right now. Also, being accessible any time she calls is not a good thing based on the vulnerable postion that you are in, because its seems like it is giving you false hope.I wish you good luck with this scenario because it's obvious that you have some very strong feelings for this woman.

[HulaSista]

Originally posted by djackso+
Is water wet? Does the wind blow? Women say one thing & do another daily. Do you pay attention to this message board?

funny dude...

Yes dns...women change their minds. ask a woman specificically and you'll see she handle thangs differently. you know her better than we do. is she known to change her mind when dealing with difficult situations, or, is she head strong in all decisions she make about her life?

how about this...she ain't changed her mind yet about being back with you. so...ask yourself...if you believe she ever will? and do ask yourself, will you want her when she does? if the anwser to the second question is "no" then,why you worried? if the anwser is "yes", then, why you worried? obviously, in spite of what she does, you are gonna stick to your decision about the relationship, right? like everyone else says...back off...take a chill...ask yourself these questions in a little while. your anwser today may be different tomorrow (read: 2 months from now).

[Andre98]

"Be a man.." How old are you djackso? Sounds like that line from Pryor's "Which Way Is Up", when the old white company owner tells him to get tough with the employees that Pryor is managing. He says: "Be a man, Boy..." (there's a new tact, I led with a tangent..)

After reading a few replies, I decided not to color my response with too much knowledge of what the others have said. so I'm going straight to posting. I know where you're coming from man, and if I am the first to say it, let me say, don't give up on her. If you meet someone else, then there's a dilemma, but it doesn't sound to me like she has someone else in her life, or the way you two have been seeing each other, you would have had to run into him, or she would have obvious "tells". Little man would probably rat her out too, because he seems comfortable enough with you to tell you he likes you more than this "other guy" if there was one.

The reason I say don't give up on her is, things could change, and if you are really stuck on her, it seems to hurt you as much as it does her to keep drawing the line. I thought about telling you to orchestrate a date with another female that would have you crossing paths with her just to show her that you are "market ready goods" and she isn't the only fish in the sea, but truthfully, that is the kind of childish game playing that we have too much of in interpersonal relationships as it is these days. I guess I watch too much TV and movies. So, I'm glad I didn't say to do that!

But I believe from what I've read that you are being the best man you can be to be there for her when she calls, and if anything is going to come of this, it's going to start from there, not from you pulling an ultimatum on her. Timetables are funny. Me and wifey have been married 15 years this past August. 18 years, if you add up dating, engagement, delay in graduating school... Whatever time it took to become a couple and straighten out the beginnings of a relationship seems minsicule compared to how long you'll be together if it's right. It seems frustrating, but it sounds like there's more hope for you two than despair. When you told her you felt like you were being used, as painful as that was, it sounds like the kind of communication that is necessary. Straight to the point. The sad part of it though, is that if she isn't going willingly to this point, she isn't going to respond well to pressure.

If I really have to go out on a limb and try to theorize what she, or any woman in a similar situation might be thinking, it would go like this: With the ups and downs of her life recently, I think she just wants to avoid intimacy because it brings with it so much time and effort. maybe she grew weary of that as you two were progressing toward making that bond "official". Perhaps with her father's passing she has a hesitancy concerning the mourning of the loss of a loved one, and if she doesn't make a bond, doesn't have a loved one, it won't be so painful when death "does you part".

I am shooting blindly, but when I say that I know a little of how you feel, I think I told the Fam about this woman that eventually introduced me to my wife. I had known this other woman through college, as a friend that always had a boyfriend, and now that she had come back to pursue another degree at the same school we attended, (and I now worked at), I had the friend role locked and it picked up where it left off. For the better part of two years, we were practically inseparable, as friends. She was engaged to a dude who was in the service. So she had social time on her hands, yet had her sexual side on lock down. I was a male prescence in her life at that moment that made her feel secure and "feminine".... she told me as much afterward. To go to the movies, out to dinner, it's nice to have a member of the opposite sex to do the couple thing ( PC moment: if that's your preference..). There does seem to be a lot of women that can self service their sexual desires "efficiently" if a relationship is too unavailable or complicated to take on at the time. In fact, I'm sure you know there's a whole industry of "toys" designed to make that happen, and happen WELL! I won't lie, we men can "go to work" too, but many females seem to adapt well to having a masculine presence nearby, yet not want to "ruin it" by getting too involved. With you two, you had been more intimate and she was backing it off, but it's basically the same concept. You provide that for her, a familiar, loving and strong support outlet when she needs it, but without the 24-7 space intrusion, and without the physical/emotional demand that a full fledged relationship has. "Relationship-Lite: it suits some people that want o have a few of them going at once for the variety. But it also suits those that just feel weary of the responsiblities, and fearful of the emotional toll it may take on them to commit.

You know all this, I bet, but since you asked for opinions, there's mine. I feel that if you can be sure there isn't another man in the picture, and that can be as simple as laying that question right out on the table, then you owe it to yourself to be patient and keep the dialogue open, keep working on the mental funk that generates this illogical behavior. Perhaps the baby's Daddy situation has her put off on the idea that another child could be in your future together?

When I was going through my brief cold feet episode leading up to my wedding day, as much as I loved my wife to be, I was doubting my own integrity. I wanted so much to do well, to be a good husband. I wanted to be sure I could keep my vows sacred. I was no playboy, but could I be a one woman man from thisday forward? I was thinking stuff like: What if I turn a corner one day and come face to face with a woman and BAM! Love at first sight....hear the angels sing, feel the oceans roar, and realize that this is the real soulmate I had been looking for? If I had taken that internship in Chicago, or if I had mustered the courage any number of times before meeting my wife-to-be, to walk up to a potential soulmate I saw on a bus, in a market, anywhere. If I had launched that first hello any number of those other times, what might have happened? It never ends, the "what if's"... it can drive you nuts. We are funny as people in relationships. We always seem to find a way to shake the foundation of something that looks and feels so right. I've read that some folks are in love with the angst of it all, with being melancholy about not attaining true love, and they find a way to avoid intimacy subconciously so they can continue to feel noble lamenting it's absent. Some of the world's best love songs are about love gone wrong.

This woman sounds like the one, DNS. You wrote about her in a tender way, and I think that means she's worth waiting for, and worth continuing to work on. Like I said, as long as it's not that
she has other irons in the fire, keep on tapping on her window pane.

[CD]

I'll first say that my response as ususal will not be main stream...

Now to the subject at hand...............FUCK HER !

I know you don't want to here it, but I say that not to be crass, but it sounds like your heads all fucked up. You can't think str8.

You are part of the Fam and my first focus is on you and not the relationship. Don't get it twisted, the man directs the relationship to a large extent and when he dosn't thats when confusion starts. If you can't think str8, you'll continue the visious(sp) cycle. Although she says things are over, she still wants your company and attention.

Mannnnnn, I say put her on the back burner. What will be, will be. dns70 start on a good physical training program and diet. Get into yourself. Focus on you for a preplanned period, say a solid three months. I bet as soon as you begin to get into yourself, she will be drawn to you like a magnet. Don't forget the other ladies. That's when you will be able to think clearly, and when you do end up talking to her you'll be able to talk and think with one mind, clear and fluid.

The time will come when you will be required to make a decision.

Be prepared for the day you see her with another man and if your mind an't right it can hit you kinda hard.

Peace

[sistuhchey]

As crass as it may sound...I must agree with CatDaddy...Fuck her!!!....I've often said to my Hush-sistuhs, nothing like some NEW DICK...to get your mind off some things....this works both ways!!!

From your post you appear to be very honorable and starightforward...sistuh girl may have some issues going on right now...let her deal with them by her DAMN SELF...do not be the co-dependent one.....Sorry, it didn't work as hurtful as it may be...please realize NOTHING last forever....

Do women change their minds, yessssss we do, but my question is what is she changing her mind from????...What has really, really happened to make her say NO to you??? Something turned her off DNS...what was it???

I disagree with que about her using you, finacially you stated that you offered her the money, and that she never asks.... Using you for homework, well it's a possibilty...but this is not a bad thing for she's only making things better for her and her son....(I wouldn't be selfish with my knowledge however, I would tell her that it's difficult to be around her, and that she may want to get a tutor.)

Love Pains!!!...I know men hurt too!!!....but ain't it a trip to hear ya'll admit it..... ( I think that's very manly of you!!)







In matters of the heart it's never easy....

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by dns70+
do women change their minds?

that's what I want to know...

any thoughts?

Of course women change there minds...sometimes they change it for the good and sometimes for the bad...and sometimes they do it just to test a mans patience, just to see how far he will or won't go.

[Juicey1]

Well DNS70, how is it going with your situation?

[dns70]

Alright, I posted this topic on the 12/19. Since then the following things have happened.

12/21/01: I went to a black tie singles affair that my church holds every year. She was there as well. Huge event, about 800 in attendance. She's looking good, I'm looking better ;) We speak for a few minutes then I leave. She calls me on my cell at about 1:00 am. she tells me how good she thought I was looking and that she thought I was a true sweetheart. She admits that she's been missing me. We plan on hanging out the next day, but that gets cancelled because her sister is in from out of town and she and her other 3 sisters make a day of it.

12/22/01: She calls, we talk for about a 1/2 hour. Nothing special

12/25/01: She calls, leaves a voice mail wishing me a Merry Christmas.

12/26/01: She calls again, we talk for about 15 minutes. I bought her son a Christmas gift. We agree upon a time for me to bring it by.

12/27/01: She calls again. I don't take the call. I'm getting sick of this and I just can't take talking to her about the weather, bin Laden and everything else under the sun except us.

12/28/01: I call her back from the previous night. She tells me that the reason she called was because she was missing me pretty bad, but that she rented some movies to get her mind off it. We talk for a while about stuff. I go over there with the gift for the kid. We hang out for a little while, a couple of affectionate moments between us, but a lot of strained silence as well. I tell her that I love her and that I miss her. I ask her "do you love me?" She says that she doesn't want to answer that. I ask "do you think the answer will hurt me"? She says "I don't know, I think that it would probably lead to something that I can't finish right now". My self-worth and respect begin to kick in at that moment. As far as I'm concerned she never has to worry about me ever stepping foot into her life again.

1/3/01: New Year Day has come and gone. She calls me on the Third to wish me a Happy New Year. I wish her the same. We talk for about 45 minutes.

FAM, I am now officially upset. It's one thing to keep calling me if you want to get back together. That's what I wanted the whole time. But to call me to "chit-chat" is no longer appropriate, ESPECIALLY after I tell you that I love you and miss you, etc and you don't have the same respect for my emotions to answer the question in return! If you don't want to be with someone you don't keep calling them. You only do that if you want to keep them emotionally wrapped up. You let that person go on with their life. I've finally realized that my involvement in this matter is now becoming or has already become unhealthy. She'll never get a phone call from me again. And if she continues to call she's going to be told exactly what I think about the calls.

Thoughts from the Fam are welcome...

[djackso]

Have you heard a thing I've posted ? You have to set the bounds to make her choose what she wants. She would be happy keeping it the way it is but apparently you aren't. When I said be a man I meant be straight forward & honest. Tell her I want to have a relationship & if you don't I need to break away clean cause the way this is going is tearing me apart. She is confused & so are you.

[HulaSista]

yeah........what djackso said........

[Juicey1]

Originally posted by djackso+
Have you heard a thing I've posted ? You have to set the bounds to make her choose what she wants. She would be happy keeping it the way it is but apparently you aren't. When I said be a man I meant be straight forward & honest. Tell her I want to have a relationship & if you don't I need to break away clean cause the way this is going is tearing me apart. She is confused & so are you.

I agree. Maybe you should just ignore the calls, maybe she will get the message. Its past time for her to let you know exactly how she feels and what she needs right now. Its not fair of her to keep stringing you along knowing that you are in love with her and want to get back with her.

[seductive_tee]

Maybe she's horny........

[que90nek]

Originally posted by que90nek+

the point... is for you to get her to that point....that point of REALIZATION THAT SHE IS ABOUT TO LOSE A GOOD THING. If you are continually there for her and keep actin like a pussy around her....she may be mature, but that doesnt mean that she is not takin full advantage. YOU WANT CLOSURE....will that closure come when u see her with someone else? or will u be in control of that closure...time and distance will help....perhaps that time and distance will cause her to COME CORRECT. but right now you have got to snap out of it....grab your nuts and resolve to keep your distance. if she calls u...stay cordial...but put a businesslike edge to it....

also...
try lookin at things from her point of view....for example:replay those passionate moments....were they really that passionate?

and...what djackso said.

[Reesecup1]

Originally posted by djackso+
Have you heard a thing I've posted ? You have to set the bounds to make her choose what she wants. She would be happy keeping it the way it is but apparently you aren't. When I said be a man I meant be straight forward & honest. Tell her I want to have a relationship & if you don't I need to break away clean cause the way this is going is tearing me apart.


Nicely put. I was in a similar situation. The man came out and told me that he didn't like me anymore, that he didn't want to be with me, and there was no hope in the future.... That felt like a knife slicing straight through my heart. No... I just had to keep calling him.. Doing that only keeps you clinging to a person. My mother told me, when a man/woman says something like that, don't read into it, just take it for what it is worth. It's hard trying to move on. It's easy for folks to say "Move On", and stop calling the person, but it's not that easy. I know because every now & then I get the urge to call him up and hear his voice. I know you are tired of hearing this but " You have to be strong, and move on" It's what is best for you, right now.