My Father

[seductive_tee]

I'm talking to my father more since his recent hospitalization/scare.

Since he's been out i call every day just to see how he is. He sounds so excited that i'm calling. He's with his ex-wife because he can't be alone right now in case he passes out again, and he's still a little weak. His EX doesn't sound to thrill to hear me calling though, guess because i was the child of his affair.....anyway

When we were about to get off the phone one day this week, he told me he loved me...... I fought back the tears, as i told him the same.

I still can't bring myself to call him Dad though. I guess that will take more time.

[HulaSista]

Tee..........it's hard isn't it? My dad makes it hard for me to do thangs and say thangs too. Its worth it I think. Just gotta do it. I hope you feel better...

[seductive_tee]

Very hard....especially when u don't understand why.

I was almost shocked when he said......words i'd never thought i hear but i knew he felt that way.

Honestly i don't know if i'll ever call him Dad.

[que90nek]

i think that it makes no diff if u call him that or not...

I LOVE YOU....means so much more!

[Bedroomeyes]

I agree.. I don't call my biological "dad" but we still have a good relationship and he knows I love him...

Glad your father is doing better... :)

[HulaSista]

Tee...my dad, i have come to realize, says things TOO easy and to quick, you feel me? so...its hard for me to "accept" the things he say.

I don't know how you and your dad's relationship has been.....was he always around? or just started being around?

that "hardship" of dealing with fathers who put kids in a bad situation is ... tough...just plain old tough.

[Sparkles]

Dad is a title, and I am sure he realize where he has failed you as a "dad", but I lOve you goes such a long way. Tee it's possible that you dad has probably wanted to tell you those words for a long time, but was afraid of how you might act, or even worse bring up the past that he probably has faught to keep buried.

Let go tee and enjoy you time that you have to spend, the past is the past and nothing you or him can say, can change that. You can though have an opportunity to get to know him and have a relationship with him now......

Bottom line, don't feel pressured to call him dad, I actually never called my father dad, but I loved him just the same. He was well aware of his past mistake, he lived with that guilt daily. I felt he did was suffering enough, he didn't need me remind him how he wasn't there, or didn't do this or that.....

take your time tee and if the feeling is right you will call him dad, if not don't let the stop you from enjoying your time with him.

BTW---Is ex and her own issue that she needs to deal, don't even seat yourself about that. As long she is mannerable, then continue to treat her the same way...

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by HulaSista+
I don't know how you and your dad's relationship has been.....was he always around? or just started being around?

My father was NEVER there...i had never seen or spoken to him until i was about 20, I know it was after i graduated. He was never there to say don't do this, meet my friends, say ask your mother....none of it...no cards, no happy birthday, no hi how u doing....it hurt the ntire time i grew up. I was jealous of the relationships my siblings had with there father. My mother never talked down about him but when i was older she told me everything and i hated him. That day my cousin in Jersey called and said guess who on the line, i was like oh my God, what he want!

Every since then, it has always been a distance.

[que90nek]

forgiveness is so very difficult...
it says in the Bible...and i'm paraphrasin...that if u don't forgive...u will not be forgiven.....

so let's work on that.

that situation was F-d up...no doubt about it! i am sure he would have liked to keep u a secret forever! but....that is not the case....and now....upteen years later...it is time to move on....

your dad just went through something that...i hope made u realize that....nothing in life is guaranteed....like mackenzie (y&r) u only have two parents.....no matter what.

[Sparkles]

well said Que, and I hold heartedly agree. Tee you need to find it in your heart to forgive your father, and it seems as if your father might need to figure out a way to forgive himself.
Self-pity can be an aweful things and some time people allow it to consume them, Tee search for forgiveness in yorself, in order to move past all those hurtful feelings.


Originally posted by que90nek+
forgiveness is so very difficult...
it says in the Bible...and i'm paraphrasin...that if u don't forgive...u will not be forgiven.....

so let's work on that.

that situation was F-d up...no doubt about it! i am sure he would have liked to keep u a secret forever! but....that is not the case....and now....upteen years later...it is time to move on....

your dad just went through something that...i hope made u realize that....nothing in life is guaranteed....like mackenzie (y&r) u only have two parents.....no matter what.

[HulaSista]

you know Que.....forgiveness towards a parents is needed...for anyone who has transgress on you...is understandable and needed...and you can tell the parent they are forgiven

...AT THE SAME TIME...as you said, moving on means, dealing with who they have become as a result of what they did.

sometimes...a parent don't understand the full value of you forgiving them and so, because of that, you are dealing with the person on a WHOLE new level that has little to do with the past any more.

i find myself CONSTANTLY forgiving my father everytime he does something or says something stupid NOW...

but the things he does and says now...just as the things he has done and said in the past, he BELIEVES EVERYONE should forgive him for simply because he is who he is.

i hope Tee is not goign through this, but, my father is a spoiled brat. he feels no responsibility or remorse or guilt for his actions, therefore, he feels that if someone is hurt behind his actions, we should JUST forgive him, because, hell, he thinks WE owe it to him, yet, he ain't never asked for it or felt guilty for it.

you feel me?

so, a child can forgive a parent for their past actions. but dealing with them in the NOW finds a child in a constant mode of prayer in constant forgiveness for what the parent do or say to them now.

and that.......my dear......is labores (sp?)...........

[dulce]

Tee, my dad never hugged me or said "I love you" until I had a child of my own. In his words, he wanted to make up for what he neglected to do with me. And while it was hard initially to forgive, I'm so glad that I did. My dad passed away 4 years ago this Christmas and I will always be thankful that we created a new connection. Getting rid of the anger will give you a sense of peace in the relationship with your dad. It was definitely a load off my heart when I let go of it.

wishing you well...