Opposite Sex Staying w/ U

[Toffee]

Your boyfriend/Girlfriend is staying w/ you for awhile (sharing the same bed). If this person does not come home in 2 nights with no phone call, how would you react? Would you immediately jump on their case or wait to see if they will say something first? Or better yet have all their shit sitting at the door.:D I'm thinking ...:hammer

[shtalker]

Their ass is straight out the door. I wish they would try some stuff like that. If its an emergency you better call or get some one to call. There is no excuse for that.

[nubianx2]

If your ass in not up in the hospital or the morgue then I'm not trying to hear nothing you got to say.:hammer

[seductive_tee]

Bags packed and out, unless family call and say he laying up in a hospital.

No excuse what so ever and locks would be changed.

[MsTopshelf]

That has happened to me before and if it hapopened again I wouldn't tolerate that shit because if he wanted to be there with me then that's where he would have been.

But I would tell his ass to go back to where he was!

[Toffee]

Locks are being changed as I type

[djackso]

Originally posted by Toffee+
Locks are being changed as I type

Kind of extreme. Unless you have a understanding (& women assume , men don't) maybe he feels like he doesn't have to report in. Are you an official couple? or Are you just spending nights together? Some question you need to ask yourself.

[dulce]

Besides being triflin', this S/O is lacking common courtesy - even when you're roomies with the same sex, it's a good idea to just call & say "see ya tomorrow" or whenever.

Depending on the situation, no explanation may be necessary- just make folks aware because those who care about you will definitely be worried. But of course it's different when you're in a relationship...

I'd change the locks and give him a lovely parting gift (his shit)when he comes back & finds out his key doesn't work.

[que90nek]

this idea of packin up stuff and changing locks....

who has done that? i think that u do that with somebody that is crazy.....but somebody that just two days ago was your lover...u should give them notice to vacate....

[seductive_tee]

it's funny how men see this compared to the women.....

[Toffee]

locking the door is a percausion. I'll give him a chance to explain. But like someone said it could be that he feels he doesn't have to check in. Men do think differently than women.

[dulce]

well, if just 2 days ago he was my S/O, what the hell was going on his mind while he was gone? He didn't give notice that he was gonna be MIA for awhile.

And how would you react if it was reversed, gender-wise? Would the brothas be so understanding if their S/O just got ghost for a couple of days?

Plus shouldn't this S/O give his partner the same consideration he would give his job? Try not showing up for work without calling for 2 days...you'd be ass-out!

[que90nek]

if it was reversed....
she has some explaining to do...but this does not mean the end of US....

depending on what she says.

[djackso]

No one disappears for two days out of the blue. Did we have a fight? Does the relationship need a break? Is my S/O going through something he or she needs time alone? Don't assume another prson is involved.

[Toffee]

He also left out yesterday at 10:30am and didn't come back last night.

[dulce]

well, Que, you're much more forgiving than I am. Outside of incarceration or hospitalization, there's really no excuse for not even making a phone call to say "I'm gonna be gone for a minute & I'll explain when I get back."

[seductive_tee]

So we talking one night, 24 hours.......

have you tried contacting him?

[Toffee]

oh he came back... but I was trying to see if he would say something and I don't like to talk when I'm very angry. But since he didn't come back yesterday either then I need to talk to him.

[HulaSista]

toffee...for the situation you presented... is the reason i wouldn't live with a man or vice versa.

the ONE TIME i did...he was bed ridden and sick...so...i helped a brotha out...then...moved my ass back home.

[dulce]

well, Toffee, I agree with you about not talking when you're mad - too much can be said that can't be taken back. But I hope this situation resolves itself so that YOU are happy.

good luck!

[Vronni]

that's trifling.Unless they are in the hospital or dead,they would have alot of explaining to do

[OhSoPrecious]

I truly hope this ain't the Nigga you are worried about buying a Christmas gift for~!! :rolleyes: Just scratch him off. . .

Spend all your $$$ on the one in Chi~!! :upto: :D

[Toffee]

He didn't come back last night as well. Well, he will be staying with this person full time now... I extended myself letting him stay here cause you had no where else to go.. But now he wants to stay somewhere else then so be it. Relationship is null and void.

[SoftNwet]

Originally posted by Toffee+
I extended myself letting him stay here cause you had no where else to go..

Obviously he wanted you to think that he had not where lese to go but not he has made some other sleeping arrangements and are trying to use you as the storage unit........I say pack his shit and have is sitting and waiting for him when ever he may return. If he does not return in a timely manner......there are shelters that would welcome his stuff with open arms!!!!:evil:

[mack_black]

Originally posted by Toffee+
He didn't come back last night as well. Well, he will be staying with this person full time now... I extended myself letting him stay here cause you had no where else to go.. But now he wants to stay somewhere else then so be it. Relationship is null and void.

well, well.....

how was this ever a 'relationship' in the first place?, according to your words of course...as you said you extended yourself...so to me that means y'all weren't really that tight from the start....Maybe you wanted it to be more and it didnt flow in the direction you wanted it to go, so now nigga is null and void...am I right?

[Toffee]

You would be incorrect Mack... I don't believe in people shacking up together.. just not my thing.. I am a true only child I like being by myself. Letting my best friend stay here would be extending myself as well. But he said he needed my help and so I helped. He said the most would be two months. I could deal with that. All I wanted was some friendly dick and that what I was getting. Just now I gotta recruit someone new. The killer part is since I don't know when he wants to be here or someone else it would be hard to bring some new dick up in here. Thinking damn will he be coming back tonight.. Don't want him ruining my flow.

[HulaSista]

I understand your dilemma.......lmao......

don't let him ruin your flow lady! boy oh boy......i can't wait for all da hush honeys get to gether and have one big pow wow!!!!! you's mah girl.....:D

[Toffee]

Well, he was a no show last night as well.

[SoftNwet]

Originally posted by Toffee+
The killer part is since I don't know when he wants to be here or someone else it would be hard to bring some new dick up in here. Thinking damn will he be coming back tonight.. Don't want him ruining my flow.

Does he have keys?!?! Because if he did not then he would have to wait until I got good and ready to let his ass. And if I did have some one new in there I would not even worry about opening the door. He could always go back where he was.

[que90nek]

looks like he is tryin to break up.

he could be pulling the...its around the holidays and i aint got no money and so i am feeling guilty and stupid and worthless so let me self destruct and ruin something that is very good for me...THINGEE.

[djackso]

Exactly! He feels like a bum & doesn't want to lay around the house. If he is there 24/7 then here comes " You eating all the food!" "Running up the phone & light bills" " Why isn't my dinner cooked" " At least you can do is clean up" Some men find it hard to live off a woman & some find it easy. Don't assume a man is with another woman all the time.

[Toffee]

I don't care where he is... But if he just needed someone to keep his stuff he should have said that. I don't like sitting here waiting to see if he coming back or not. Oh by the way he hasn't been here since sunday when he walked out saying, "Toffee, I'm up". All his shit is sitting at my front door now. He betta pick this crap up because I will be going to Chicago for the holidays.

[SoftNwet]

Sunday!!!!! :eek: no call?!!?!?!? I would start checking to see if he is ok. I mean 24-48 hours I would think another woman but now it has been almost 4 days. Do you have any way to contact him or a friend or family member?!

[MsTopshelf]

Ok here is the situation. So he comes and goes as he pleases right? So what makes you think that he is even supposed to come home to you every night? Did ya'll establish that what the relationship actually is and did yall discuss the living arrangement before he moved in? If he is just friendly dick then why are you so pressed? Does he pay bills?

He prolly just smoochin' off of you cause the other female who he has been staying out with ain't with him movin' all his stuff in. And like que said he also might be tryin' to pull a fast one on you because its around the holidays. But I have a feeling that you don't care if he does or not. On the other hand, you are worried about why he isn't bringing the dick home to you every night.

[Toffee]

I could care less if he bring the dick back.. Dick can be replaced. He ain't got to come home to me every night... but damn could u at least say, "I'll be back in a few day". so no one worries. just seems like common courtesy to me.. I would do that when I had roommates in the dorm.. I would tell them oh I won't be here this weekend so they wouldn't worry about me.

I tried calling his sister, but she didn't call me back.

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by Toffee+
I tried calling his sister, but she didn't call me back.

This is the 2nd time you've tried contacting the sister...which would tell me he has contacted them and he is alive. If they had not heard anything they would have called you back by now.

[Toffee]

I am totally mentally drained over this... I just wish he would get his stuff.

[MsTopshelf]

The sister probably don't wanna be bothered and she already knows where he is. She bout just sittin' there watchin your name run across the caller id and sayin' "damn I wish her ass would stop callin me!"

And I refuse to understand why you are losin' sleep over this. Just whenever he decides to come back around just have his stuff packed for him but don't let him dick-u-down and then forget about how he has blinded you with ass for the past few days.

See this is whats going on. He is laid up at some otha chick crib and is keepin' you on hold at the same time. He knows that as long as his stuff is at your crib, then he can pop up anytime because you have it in your head that yall are living together. Does he have a key? He knows that as long as he has marked his territory at your crib then you are not gonna have any other dick over there because you are afraid of what he might think of you if he does catch someone over there. But right now his sister knows everything that's going on but she doesn't wanna get involved in his web of lies and thats why she isn't answering the phone.

[dulce]

Toffee - don't let this raggedy-ass situation drain you. Do you know where his sister lives? Cuz me, well, I'd wrap his shit up in a few boxes with bows and airything and drop his presents off over there. (and a lovely Christmas card explaining that his gift to you will be to continue to stay away...) Cuz obviously he ain't trying to think about your feelings nor show you any respect. (NOT COOL!) That way you alleviate him having a reason to come back to your house and you've been nice enough to not put his shit out in the street. Then that door will be closed and you let it go. At this point, he has absolutely no excuse for his treatment of you. He's not even acting like a friend...so who needs him. Like you said, dick can be replaced and ya know there's always a better one around the corner...

Keep ya head up, sista!

[que90nek]

yeah...take his stuff over sisters house.

if he is just dick though...this should be no sweat off of u. :rolleyes:

[Toffee]

I don't have a car... and I am not about to pay for a cab to take this stuff over there. That's money out of my pocket. And I'm sure new dick would not care if somebody's stuff is at my house. Actually his stuff is in bags sitting in the front closet. Already trying to work on new dick... ONLY GOOD DICK IS NEW DICK!!!!!:D I think I was more losing sleep over it being the last week of school and with me having final projects and such... Now school is over and I am looking forward to Going to chicago for the Week of Christmas.... 11days home will be great...

[misha]

In my opinion, the longer he stays away the better. That way, when he knocks on the door and another man answers wearing his bathrobe, what can he really say????

LOL

[que90nek]

perhaps new dick should have a car
perhaps new dick won't mind runnin "an errand" with u.


this all sounds good...but what's the reality? how hurt are u over this?

[Toffee]

Hurt .. over not having his affection.. Not in the least... I just don't like being used... no matter who it is... oh new dick will definately have a car

[HulaSista]

Originally posted by Toffee+
Hurt .. over not having his affection.. Not in the least... I just don't like being used... no matter who it is... oh new dick will definately have a car

i know that's right~! :beer

[que90nek]

no, ....in your case it would be hurt over being used....seems as though u r havin trouble admittin that....

[Toffee]

i don't have a problem admitting that.. I though u meant hurt cause he don't want to be with me... yeah it hurts to get used.

[sistuhchey]

We've all been in situations, that causes discomfort, anger, grief & worry.... Be strong follow your heart and mind...I'm sure you seek solace in decisions you've made, love and relationships are never easy......Opinonated as the "HUSH" may be...you make the call, and move on...good,bad or indifferent.....

Remember, regardless of the outcome...it's good to have loved and cared, then to be bitter and angry....

I think it goes something like this...it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 7 to smile...so put your hurt to rest and smile...:) :) :)

[SeaDuceme2]

Doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have, everybody deserves common courtesy and respect. Just being MIA for any long period of time is "Out of order" and since you have packed his shit up, and set it at the window, I say push the shit out the window....Poof be gone!!:fu

folks kill me want to be treated like an adult but act like heathens

[Toffee]

Just to keep everyone informed, he still has not come back.. It's been a week.

[Vronni]

Toffee,you deserve better than this.His loss,not yours.Keep ya head up!

[MsTopshelf]

you need to start charging his ass a storage fee. at least you might be able to collect a down payment to get yourself a car. next time find a brutha that can pay bills not make bills (but really he isn't even making any if he hasn't been staying there) but get a man that is going to resepct you and your time if thats what you want. if you're just looking for a good lay then you can't put any demands on the relationship. i'm with que, it seems to me that you are hurt cause you thought you were gonna have so good in-house di**!

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by Toffee+
Just to keep everyone informed, he still has not come back.. It's been a week.

WTF...take his shyt to his job! I be damn if it be in my house. I bet his ass been to work!

Have the locks ben changed by now....last thing you need is to come back from out of town and his trifling ass laying in your house.......

[Toffee]

Okay.. what part r u not understanding... I could care less where he is, but don't ask someone if you can stay there and not say Oh I won't be back in a week. I wouldn't do my own mother that way. I'm 27 and I still tell my mom if I'm coming back or not.. Cause I don't want her to worry. When I was in the dorm in NYC I would leave notes for my roommates and tell them that I would be gone for the weekend. It's called respect. Dick can be found everywhere. The guy who changed the locks... Is some very good dick... I never bought anything for him so no money wasted here. Just because some people can't differentiate between good sex and a relationship does not mean that I can't. How can someone be hurt when they were fucking him and another? What do I have to be hurt about?

[que90nek]

toffee...it is obvious to all of us that you have not been hurt ...he is just dick...live in dick...u feel a lil disappointed that he was less considerate than you would like, but ...it really doesnt matter to you because he was just somebody that you were helpin out that provided u some ding ding from time to time...

is this closer to the truth?

[Toffee]

yeah a lot closer... only thing is the few days he was here i didn't get any sex, well at least from him. But if he makes no contact with me by the time I make it home from Chicago, i'm sure some HOmeless shelter would love to get his stuff.

[Toffee]

Well an update...

He called me on Thursday nite... and i quote.. i was just calling to see what was up... he left a voicemail.. and then he tried calling the next day.. he said... i was trying to catch up with you and see what was up.

I guess he doesn't realize that I'm in Chicago.. and I won't be back till 1/2. I figure he tried to get in the apartment but couldn't cause i changed the locks.

i'm definately getting a kick outta this.

[seductive_tee]

Now that is funny....getting close to the holidays and everyone going to be with family so he needed some place to go.....other GF must be in a mood.....:D :D :D :D

[Brightness]

It sure is funny, it appears he's called more AND left messages since he doesn't have access to his stuff. . . .pure comedy

[Toffee]

And I'm sure when I get back he is gonna ask me where I was...

[nubianx2]

Toffee,
Make sure you save his messages. They'll make for some good laughs later.:D

[que90nek]

seems like there is confusion on the extent and depth of the relationship.

[dulce]

that ain't nuttin but karma...now he sees what it's like when you're trying to catch up with someone and their MIA. Especially funny because you didn't get outta dodge just to get back at him. You just went on with your life and plans...LOL!

[dulce]

when you're trying to catch up with someone and their MIA.

oops - meant "they're MIA"...typing a little too fast - sorry ya'll.

[Toffee]

What confusion are u refering to, Que? Just a difference in upbringing. I would call he doesn't... But I think its more a lack of communication.. If he wanted a place to store his stuff then I would not have given him a key to my place.

[que90nek]

ok...difference in upbringing....so u are not mad...and ya'll will be cool when u return to ny?

[Toffee]

Que I'm mad about being used... nothing more.. No we will not be cool. Just like anyone else who would try to use me I will have to cut them from my life. A real friend would not try to treat me like that. I need people who care about me in my life.... When I drop my friends off male/female late at night they even ask me to call them to make sure I made it okay..

Part of it is upbringing but another part is just plain common sense.... and a lack or respect. I can't see staying with anyone and thinking that I can come and go as I please. Knowing that these people have to go to work and that they wake up when I come in...

But maybe I'm wrong for thinking this way... I don't think so...

[que90nek]

so...what i hear is that you accept your responsibility in the debacle of you living with somebody that u didnt know....it is one thing to have roommates...but this guy was more than just a roomy. have u learned from this?

he wasnt ready ...and neither were u. most guys value their freedom...to a FAULT!....your requirements that he check in...wouldnt fly with most single men that i know....at least not if you are just a roommate.

[Toffee]

oh yeah i learned from it.. no doubt about it... and that's what i real pissed about... i don't believe in shacking up.. but he said he needed my help so I went against what I believe in to help him. I should not have thought twice. I'm more upset with myself for putting myself in that situation.

[Brightness]

I think it would be hella funny to have the webcam going while you tossing his shit out the door. . .but then I'm just spiteful like that

Originally posted by nubianx2+
Toffee,
Make sure you save his messages. They'll make for some good laughs later.:D

[Toffee]

Oh he won't be stepping foot anywhere. He will stand at the door as I pass him his shit.

[que90nek]

ummmm

if u record it for us....u should be wearing some sexy lingerie...as u give it to him....uh...that way...uh...he realizes what he will miss as u give it to him...yeah yeah that's it. :D

[Toffee]

I already got plenty of naughty pics...:eek:

[que90nek]

do u?

i don't believe u.

[Toffee]

I'll send some to DJackso and he can tell you about them...:blah:

[que90nek]

oh ok...
send them to me.

[Toffee]

Update... He's coming to get his stuff this weekend.

[seductive_tee]

Stay strong!

[Toffee]

He came and got his stuff on Sunday. I was very cold and said a total of about 20 words. It seemed that he was waiting for me to go off or something... I was more like get your shit cause you are interupting my tv time.

[nubianx2]

Toffee,
I'm glad there was no drama at the end of that episode. It's time to focus on something. Do ya thang gurl!