Living Right?

[seductive_tee]

Not quite sure how to put this but here goes.

You're with some for 9-10 years. Out of that time you have 2 kids together. You've been living together for the past 2-3 years and you're not married. Things are okay.

Ok, you start going to church, trying to start living right and down the line you become saved. Your mate does not go to church, well hasn't been since you can remember.

Now that you're saved you have decided to not have sex until you are married.

You are about to tell your mate this.

What would you expect them to do?
Are you wrong for telling your mate that there will be no more sex until marriage because i'm trying to do the right thing?
Is there a chance the mate could walk?
Do you think this is pressure into marriage?

[14KBlaqWmn]

I would hope that my mate would listen to what I have to say and think things through and compromise to some degree. I would listen to his viewpoint as well and pray that we could do this together.

I don't think a person would be wrong for expressing their newfound views on abstinence with their mate. In fact, I think it would be a very interesting discussion. It may help them to see if the glue that's holding the relationship together is the rockin' and knockin' under the sheets or something else.

Anytime there's conflict or a difference of opinion, there is always a chance that things will not work out. I think the key here is to be open-minded and respect your mate's view and try to understand where they're coming from, but help them to understand and respect your views as well.

I wouldn't think that abstaining would be pressuring someone into marriage unless it was spelled out as such. I do think that it may make the mate feel uncomfortable or like they are a bad person for wanting to continue to have premarital sex. Presentation means everything.

This situation is something that can't be resolved overnight. I think both parties have to be willing to be patient with one another and definitely communicate.

[Babygirl]

If you are "living right" and choose to abstien from anymore premaritial sex..you aren't "living right" if you are still shacking up with him right?? So you have to regroup the whole relationship all together!

[SeaDuceme2]

Babygirl you said it!!!!...

The above is just cause for re-evaluation the relationship period!!

[Tastey]

If you are living together without having sex...what about the relationship makes it sinful??? :confused:

I agree that the entire relationship needs to be reevaluated not just the sexual issue.

I mean if a person goes into a relationship with someone who's been sexing them for 2+ years and they suddenly come home and say..."That ain't happening anymore" then the other person is going to feel betrayed. They went into a relationship expecting and receiving something that is now being taken away because of the religious beliefs of their partner. If they don't share the religious beliefs they should not be expected to share the religious views. The person who has become saved should understand the other person wanting to continue to have sex if not with...then they should be free to leave the relationship and have it with someone else. That doesn't mean the relationship was based on sex just that one person should not have to live by another religious viewpoint if they don't share it.

I mean if my man suddenly decided to become a Muslim I'm still cooking bacon for breakfast. He does not have to eat it. But since I'm not Muslim it's not fair of him to expect me to suddenly live by his religious rules and not even have bacon in the house.

I think the best thing to do would be the move out of the home and possibly the relationship. When a person becomes one with Christ they are new creature and therefore should put away the old.

[14KBlaqWmn]

I somewhat agree with ya Tastey, but at the same time, I'm thinking that I may be a light to my mate. If he sees the new path that I've chosen, he may follow suit. I don't know about anyone else, but that has happened to me before. So I would at least try to see if things would work out with us before breaking up.

[nubianx2]

Personally, I would find it extremely difficult to continue to live with someone cease being initimate with them. On the other hand, if the relationship is strong then it could possibly weather the storm. There would definitely have to be a lot of "praying without ceasing."

[Bedroomeyes]

I would have to move somewhere else until we decided to get married..Or whatever path we decide to take.. I don't think it's fair for either of us to have to be tested every day by constantly seeing each other walking around in our undies and sleeping in the same bed every night..

I'm not that strong.... :upto: :p

And if the relationship ends because of it.. Then it wasn't meant to be in the first place... :rolleyes:

[Babygirl]

Originally posted by Tastey+
If you are living together without having sex...what about the relationship makes it sinful??? :confused:



Correct me if I am wrong, but bibicaly you aren't to live together with your S/O until you are married . That's where the sin comes into play.

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Babygirl+


Correct me if I am wrong, but bibicaly you aren't to live together with your S/O until you are married . That's where the sin comes into play.

Chapter and verse Babygirl...chapter and verse.

It's my understanding that fornication is sin.

But sharing a residence is just that...sharing a residence.

What part of that is sinful if the fornication is taken out?????????

Paying rent? Buying groceries? Kissing? Or is it the shared roof you have a problem with??

[Babygirl]

therefore I can't give you chapter and verse:rolleyes: Sorry. And for the record I personally do not have a problem with "shacking up" I have done it with my husband and a few other men in my day. I personally don't see how being "saved" and living unmarried with your S/O is "living right" in the eyes of GOD. But again that is my opinion...I am not GOD therefore I can't really say if he condones it or not!

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Babygirl+


Correct me if I am wrong, but bibicaly you aren't to live together with your S/O until you are married . That's where the sin comes into play.

I wonder why you used the word biblicaly if you have no biblical reference on which it was based? :rolleyes:

Now if you had said in my opinion then I could understand that with no problem. I guess that's what you really meant anyway huh?

[14KBlaqWmn]

I feel where Babygirl is coming from. Just because you may not be committing fornication does not mean that that situation is not causing you to commit any other sin.....for example lust. Having someone under your roof that you have a strong desire for, but can not have creates such a situation and to me that's not living right either. If you're lusting after this person enough, soon it becomes a temptation to carry out those desires and thoughts which may lead to fornication.

Here's a biblical reference for those interested: James chapter 1. In particular verses 13-15. It speaks of these very things....letting one thing lead into another.

I still stand by my original statement that these two individuals need to sit down and talk this out. See where each person is coming from. I do agree that they do need to be in separate households, but I don't necessarily agree that just because she's now trying to live right and he's not quite there, that they should just split. Who knows, she may be an inspiration to him.

[Babygirl]

for the biblical reference. So I guess I do know what I am talking about. Living together is a sin in GOD's eyes.

[Tastey]

That's an assumption. There is no guarantee that because two people share a residence and do not have sex that they are lusting after one another or that anything sexual will ever happen.

James 1:12-15 Happy are those who remain faithful under trials, because when they succeed in passing such a test, they will receive as their reward the life which God has promised to those who love him. If we are tempted by such trials, we must not say, "This temptation comes from God." For God cannot be tempted by evil and he himself tempts no one. But we are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.(NIV)

Hmmm...14K does your translation mention living together because mine does not? We can be tempted walking down the street, it's not about the temptation but how we deal with the temptation.

So I stil don't see the SIN in sharing a residence with someone you love.

[FAMU]

I agree 110% with what babygirl and blackwoman are saying here. To live with someone who you are in a relationship with(shacking up) is not a sin per say, but as 14k stated it put you in a postion to sin and this is not what God wants for us. God has a plan for us and it is laid out in his scripture. Tatsey, you seem to be looking for a scripture that spells out "Thou should not shack up with his/her SO" Thats not goign to happen, but if you understand biblical princinpal then you would be to send the sin in shacking up. In Genesis chapter 2 verse 24 the writer states, "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave(stick to) unto his wife and they shall become one flesh(united together)" This is the plan of marriage that God has set forth. A man should not leave home and cleave(stick to) to a woman unless she is his wife and I think this scipture makes that clear.

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Mr. Famu+
I agree 110% with what babygirl and blackwoman are saying here. To live with someone who you are in a relationship with(shacking up) is not a sin per say,

The rest of your post contradicts your first statement.

It's it's not a sin per say then how can it become a sin later? :beating

I don't believe in Biblical principle because that's what man uses to distort God's word and find fault in any and everything a person does. They take the word and distort it to fit whatever argument they are trying to win. :rolleyes:

That's why so many people are gonna be lost because ofBiblical principles which are basically misunderstandings and misinterpretations of the Word.

This thread is not talking about "marriage" it's talking about 2 people sharing a residence. They may not even want to get married...ever. They are not having sex. They aresharing a residence and all the what if's in the world will not change the fact that there is no sin in sharing a residence.

Could it lead to sin? Of course. But get the 2 straight there's a HUGE difference between what is actually wrong and what might cause you to do wrong.

We live in a sinful world, virtually any situation, can lead to sin. If you allow it to.

God looks at the heart so he not only sees what you are doing but why you are doing.

2 people with love for each other, and no lust in their hearts (which only God can see) can share a residence and not commit sin.

[nubianx2]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+
You're with some for 9-10 years. Out of that time you have 2 kids together. You've been living together for the past 2-3 years and you're not married. Things are okay.

Ok, you start going to church, trying to start living right and down the line you become saved. Your mate does not go to church, well hasn't been since you can remember.

Now that you're saved you have decided to not have sex until you are married. [/B]

Tastey,
I think you missed a few things in the original post
(1) this couple has been together for years
(2) they have children, which means they've had sex

True there's no sin in sharing a residence, but lust is definitely a sin. If one person is saved and the other isn't, guess what? Somebody's lusting.

[14KBlaqWmn]

King James Version

James 1
"12: Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
13: Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:
14: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
15: Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death."

C'mon Tastey, take off those rose colored glasses for just a minute. We're talking about the situation that Tee presented. How can James 1 not pertain to it? Regardless of NIV or KJV, it's saying the same thing.....don't try to be of God and continue to put yourself into situations where evil can abound.

So again, if this woman is trying to get on the good foot she needs to consider removing herself from the home or he needs to move. That's too much of a temptation to live with someone you've been intimate with for years.

[Tastey]

You missed a few things. Babygirl's first post was that even if they stop having sex, they are still not living right. My question was why if they are no longer having sex.

If the other person is lusting, that's sin on their part, they are not saved, they live a sinful life and will continue to do so whether living together or not.

That has nothing to do with my original question which was:

If a couple is sharing a residence, how is that sinful you are the 2nd person to say it's not sinful to share a residence then addBUT. I didn't ask about the but. :rolleyes:

[Tastey]

14k, I was the first person in this thread who said this woman needs to end this relationship. Go back and read it because I'm sure you missed it completely.

My question was to BABYGIRL who said that even if a couple is not having sex if they live together they are still commiting sin.

NOT THIS COUPLE... but A COUPLE my question was why does she think that is so?

Read more...post less...Read more...post less. Say it with me. :beating

Then maybe next time you will understand. :rolleyes:

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Tastey+
I think the best thing to do would be the move out of the home and possibly the relationship. When a person becomes one with Christ they are new creature and therefore should put away the old.

14k, I'll save you the trouble of looking for it. :rolleyes:

[SoftNwet]

Sorry, I did not mean to interrupt!!

**backing out slowly**
http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/edoom/hideing_behind_computer.gif

[14KBlaqWmn]

Originally posted by Tastey+

Read more...post less...Read more...post less. Say it with me. :beating

Then maybe next time you will understand. :rolleyes:

I could easily say the same about you. You've made some assumptions here as well, so don't point fingers.

We're all gonna have our own views on this topic and so the key is to accept and respect this. I've had my say on this topic and I've made my point so there's nothing more for me discuss.

[Tastey]

Originally posted by 14KBlaqWmn+


I could easily say the same about you. You've made some assumptions here as well, so don't point fingers.


I'm not pointing fingers 14k, you and Nubianx2 scanned the thread and misunderstood. It's as simple as that.

There's no shame in misunderstanding but Hey, if you want me to take 1/2 the blame I will...I type too fast... it confuses people. ;)

[djackso]

How can a book written millions of years ago dictate how we live in 2001? God gave us a mind & we should use it.

[Tastey]

Originally posted by djackso+
How can a book written millions of years ago dictate how we live in 2001? God gave us a mind & we should use it.

Djackso, I was just about to go get me some lunch. But I have to answer this one. :p Brace yourself! LOL

Actually the Bible was not intended to dictate how we live. It was intended as a guideline for our lives. It was intended for us to read and study about God.

However too many people have distorted the Bible to make it fit their own molds, used it as you say to dictate life.

We studied this in Bible study a few weeks ago at my church.
The discussion was centered around morality. People were asking is this wrong...is that right. etc etc.
The Bible doesn't say "Don't beat your wife", "Don't smoke crack", "Don't have a child at 15...etc etc. But we all know these things are wrong. The reason is because as you say "God gave us a mind & we should use it".

What people have to learn to do is study the word, then have a relationship with Christ that will help them to know what Christ wants for his/her life.

But human nature and society makes people want a rule book. The Bible is supposed to be the "play" book...not the rule book because as man evolves...the rules evolve.

In the 1800's my great-grandmother married at 15, had 11 kids, and was one of the most respected women of her time.

If I had married at 15...my life would have been virtually over. Times have changed, society has changed.

Add to that the fact that God is STILL speaking to people and the words of God are still being written. God didn't stop talking after Revelations was written.

I study my Bible daily but God dictates how I live because in my relationship with him he realizes that I live in a different world than was presented in the Bible, and my grandchildren will live in a different world than I live in and so and so on...but God will always be God.

[djackso]

People quote the bible & bend it to fit their purpose. The Bible was written by man & man has been known to lie in the name of the Lord. If two people feel they need to live together then a bible toting reformed sinner shouldn't tell them they can't.

[FAMU]

"That's why so many people are gonna be lost because ofBiblical principles which are basically misunderstandings and misinterpretations of the Word"

Marcus Garvey in his book"Message to the People:The Course of African Philosophy" he states, "Never write or speak on a subject you know nothing about, for there is always somebody who knows more than you" You really don't know how wrong
you are about this particular subject. In your attempt to try to make 14k, babygirl, and nubian look stupid you have exposed your own ignorance. Your problem is that you will not listen or consider what someone else is saying, but instead you selfishly grab hold to your own opinion and try to make what everybody else says less than right. Right now you are walking around with a self rightous attitude like no one knows more than you. Well, let me be the first to tell you that your biblical perspective on this situation is completely backward. Not to toot my own horn Tastey, but I have I been in Seminary for the last past three(I am in my Sr. year) and I know what I am talking bout when it comes to scipture. Now me going to Seminary my not impress you or make you feel like I know what I am talking about and thats fine you have that right. Just know that since you are a "Christian" you need to be ver careful about the information you put out. To speak on Christianity and not know what you talking about is to make your self a anti-christ. Therefore, if you are going to dispute 14k or me on the scipture we posted then please do so by giving us the scipture that makes us wrong instead of trying to make us look stupid. "Truth comes by hearing" The sciptures are truth and if what we said was a lie then show us and not critisize us.

[Tastey]

Stupid is as Stupid does. :rolleyes:

There was no need for me to quote any scriptures because I'm not the one who said the Bible said anything. I was the one who asked to be shown what the Bible says regarding 2 people sharing a residence. If I didn't want to know...I would never have asked. But of course to hear you tell it I know everything. Then why did I ask the question??? :rolleyes:

I have no desire for an argument or a confrontation. I know your motivation in attempting to insult me. It doesn't matter. I am waaaaay past that.

I never criticized anyone...as a matter of fact I pointed out that there was no shame in misunderstanding...but if you or anyone else wants to feel insulted go ahead.

[que90nek]

wtf! i slept on this post!

damn....lookin at that sinnah stuff and the good stuff is here.


let me throw my referreein two cents in....

uh....maybe i shouldnt.

i'll just say that i have seen very little that was meant to be offensive...yes, there has been some TALKIN DOWN TO....and stuff like that...but nothing blatantly offensive...because after all ... these are just words.

i didnt see where famu insulted u....but u have been quick to take offense in the past so it doesnt surprise me. (and i don't mean to offend...this has been a hushfact)...and your comment about stupid is as does....was......inflamatory.

and famu...if u are going to say that she is wrong...i was waiting for u to point out what was wrong about what she said......or are u saying that she should use scripture to support her claim?

[Tastey]

Originally posted by Mr. Famu+
" You really don't know how wrong
you are about this particular subject. In your attempt to try to make 14k, babygirl, and nubian look stupid you have exposed your own ignorance. Your problem is that you will not listen or consider what someone else is saying, but instead you selfishly grab hold to your own opinion and try to make what everybody else says less than right. Right now you are walking around with a self rightous attitude like no one knows more than you. Well, let me be the first to tell you that your biblical perspective on this situation is completely backward. Not to toot my own horn Tastey, but I have I been in Seminary for the last past three(I am in my Sr. year) and I know what I am talking bout when it comes to scipture[/B]

I take offense to being called ignorant.
I take offense to being called selfish.
I take offense to being called self-righteous.



Especially since none of it is true. The fact is I have not shown my own ignorance. I wasn't the one trying to prove what the Bible said.

The fact is my opinion is mine, I have not discounted anyone's. This whole thing began because I asked a question in an attempt to better understand Babygirl's point of view.

Self-righteous? I have yet to speak of anything that I would or wouldn't do. I haven't said what someone else was doing was wrong. I was simply trying to understand a situation. But I'm the one who's called self-righteous.

I'm quick to take offense when I've been insulted. That is a Hushfact.

Oh yeah, and I left out where I was referred to as making myself the Anti-Christ. Wow...no insult there is it. :rolleyes:

[que90nek]

tastey...if u go through a drive through...and the 16 year old person at the window....u hear them refer to u as a cow! .....do u take offense? or does it really matter to u? does it cut u that deep?

[Tastey]

It doesn't cut at all. Just like this doesn't.

However I still know when I've been insulted.

Just because I am aware the insult has been put out there does not mean I am cut or that it bothers me. Like I originally said, I know the motivation behind it and I'm waaaay past it.

I feel hurt when someone I care about insults me.

The insults here are merely annoying since I only know 2 Hush members on a personal basis. Well actually 2 former members.

[Babygirl]

Oh Boo Freaking Whoo! :cry: :cry: :cry:

[seductive_tee]

Well the two have started discussion and it is not looking good.

1. He feels this situation is just a pressure into marriage
2. She needs to stop trying to make her mother happy

[FAMU]

Originally posted by Tastey+
Like I originally said, I know the motivation behind it and I'm waaaay past it.

Please enlighten me, what is the motivation behind this since you know so fucking much. Tastey, you of all people should know when I am insulting you. I told you the truth, but like always you can't handle the truth.


Tee, I say should leave him until he is ready to live a moral life with her.

[Tastey]

I have already stated I have no desire to get into an argument or confrontation with you.

You know the motivation the same as I do, the same reason you are trying to bait me by asking what it is.

Sorry but it's not going to work this time.

Tastey has moved on.

[sistuhchey]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mr. Famu+
[B]

Please enlighten me, what is the motivation behind this since you know so fucking much.



hhhmpphhh!!!!...never cease to amaze me...those with such spiritually based values...and high morals....can behave in such a righteous manner!!!!.....

I don't recall anywhere in the Bible Jesus saying you know so "FUCKING MUCH".....(Sr. in Theology School)...hhhmmph..impressive....:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :confused:

[Vronni]

It's interesting that in a discussion about the bible,that there is such judgement and such negativity.Two things to remember ,straight out of the Bible-

Matthew 7th Chapter,starting at the 1st verse

"Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4

John 12:47 "If any one hears my sayings and does not keep them, I do not judge him; for I did not come to judge the world but to save the world. "

Romans 2:1
"Therefore you have no excuse, O man, whoever you are, when you judge another; for in passing judgment upon him you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things. "

Proverbs 17:27 "He who restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. 28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent."

My point is found in
Titus 3:1-2

"Remind them to be submissive to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for any honest work, 2 to speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all men."

Are we reflecting this?