Am I A Bad Mom????

[sistuhchey]

Many of you know some of the DRAMAS I've gone through with my daughter......boyfriend blues, wedding blues on & off, which cost me..... Daddy drama...anywaysssss... she's been in the Chicago area since March, left California and a good job in a "BIG" huff to be with this Negro......Welllllllll....shit ain't what she thought it would be....many calls, and tears with her being unhappy....complaining about love.....

I've always been there for my daughter she is my love and my best friend....however I refuse to say those two little words..."COME HOME".....am I wrong????...Our closest family is in Detroit, so she's far from home & family...but she survived college in Atlanta...I wasn't there....she made it....Now she's in Chicago....unhappy in Love......I've told here many, many times you don't have to go away to be mistreated by strangers.....Of course I'd love to have her close...but not at home...I'm digging my life the way it is.....Yes, I miss her...but she's gotta grow up....but I don't want her miserable......

A Worried, Sad, HUSHMOM.......:(

[mack_black]

well the first question for me to ask is how old is she chey?

if she's over 18...
I would say no do not say come home.......

now if she asks you if she can come home, thats another story....

young folks have to learn how to deal with life..you did, didn't you?...we as parents must not build crutches for them....they must learn to deal with the consequences of their actions..its the only way that they become more stronger capable adults.....nuff said :D

[sistuhchey]

she's probably older than many Hushmembers....(26).....I've always been there for her...good, bad or indifferent... I know... I 've got to cut the cord.....But she's my only!!!!!....:( :(

[mack_black]

well....

at 26 she's a big grl and should be able to take care of herself...
she probably need to talk to you and you are providing the appropriate support....but please dont tell her to come home....unless she specifically asks.....

If you tell her to come home this is how you change a good thing (the way you life is now ) into a very bad thing....

[que90nek]

agree with mack.

be there for her
give her advice
let her cry in your ear

but don't enable her to be "dependant" the rest of her life.

enable her to be independent.

[lovely]

was to tell me that i couldnt come home. It made me stand up for myself...make decisions for myself. I am your daughter's age and my situation was a lot different from your baby's but like que said...you dont want her to become dependent on you. Let her know you will be there for her...but she has to work with the consequences of her choices. Thats just a fact of life. And pray for her..cause i know the prayers of my mom helped me get out of all the mess i was in.

((((((((((((((((SQUEEZIES)))))))))))))))))

[nubianx2]

Some of life's best lessons are those that we see up close and personal. She's gotta stand on her own feet. If you cushion the all for her, you find that's the role you'll continue to play. The most important thing for her to know/understand is that you'll always be there to provide her with emotional support.

[seductive_tee]

I'm not sure what to say cause someday i could be in this same situation.

Only YOU know your daughter.

Good luck.

[Sparkles]

You are doing the right thing by giving you emotional support to her. Unfortunately loves does hurt sometirmes, and that's a lesson that everyone must learn for themsevles. I bet we all can remember our parents saying don't do this and don't do that in a relationship, and we did it anyway just for it to come back to us times 2....Where do you think that we live and learn saying comes from?!?!?! lolol

Seriously, chey don't keep beating yourself up for the past mistakes that you might have made, because we all make them, just know you are doing the right thing. And finally enjoy yourselve, you've paid your dues, she is an adult, if she ask guide her down the right path, but don't try to make any decision for her, that her job now..

[Bedroomeyes]

No you shouldn't tell her to come home! She's a grown woman now... She'll get through it.. It's called life... :upto:

LOL - No you're nowhere near a bad mother... My mother would have laughed in my face if I asked to come home!!!! :D But then again.. I couldn't blame her... :p

[HulaSista]

YES THIS IS LONG...but...i gotta point to make.......


Now Chey...hot damn it...I guess i'm go HAVE to come over and invade your house one good weekend so we can talk.

You are a pretty damn good mamma. I mean shit...you put YOUR CHILD through college all by yourself...HOW in da hell did you do THAT? I really wanna know?

But you a bad momma because you of those 2 words? Hot shit! Well, I must be the worse motha in the world cause i tell 6yr old anthony "you going to your daddy's house RIGHT NOW cause you gettin on my nerves":p and that's more than two words ;)

Bad mom? NEVER...you know what...my mom raised 4 girls...2 of them step daughters...my step sisters ran her through the MUD...i mean...they had my momma doing all kinds of cussin them out and tryin to prepare them for a long adult life as beautiful black women.

well...one past before she could fully blossom and the other is living in North Richmond with a bald headed negro who is younger than her collecting social security and disability and a 10 year old daughter who has NO manners...

we won't even talk about my younger sister.

so...here ya have it. ONE...The first one...HER first one she gave birth too. Got a blossoming career in radio (laugh here), a healthy child with healthy relationship with his daddy, stack my money, give her money, take her on trips and pay her bills. and computer skills to boot! :D

in essence...ONE success story! :upretty (yeah i am talkin my self up REAL GOOD)...

and my mother NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER felt like or question if she was a bad mother.

I don't never wanna here you say that again!

you know i loves you gurl! yous my sistah for life... and you are a success in your self and your daughter is the crowning joy of your ruling kingdom! :upretty

now...will you smile :D now and stop all the :( ?

[sistuhchey]

a sistuh needs a lil pep talk....(Thanks everyone)...

But on the flip side...I told that heffa not to go..But...NOOOOOOOO.... she's pissed with me...about her DAD..ya'll remember that drama...so to hurt me she packs up and split....(I know Admin, I know...stop shaking your head)....This negro who's suppose to be her HERO...ends up being a ZERO!!!

and your right...that's life...she rolls with the punches fairly well...thus far I just hate seeing her unhappy......

Hula..... I know...!!!....But I left home at 18 never to return..and although my Dad was a strict father...Not once did he say Come Home.....and it was rough out there at times....It would have been nice to hear those words ya know!!!!..I bumped my head so many times I thought that was the only way to knock on a door........

can't one be tuff on others...but when it comes to your own....ouch!!!.....I'm praying....


Hula...it's called (Educational Endowment Plan)..thru Golden State Insurance..I opened it when she was 2 or so...paid low monthly premiums....once she graduated H.S..she did J.C..got her AA..then transferred into Clark as a Junior...and the policy still wasn't enough...can we say Bills, and more Bills.....

Ohhhh..not to mention the supplemental income from "HOEING"...Que...you remember that thread....lol, lol,lol,.....
see ya'll got me feeling better already....:D :D :D :D ;)

[HulaSista]

Chey - you got a point....waiting for parents to say something...and the NEVER DO! That is sooooooooo true... So ... I can see your pov when you put it like that...

Education Endowment Plan...(*rushshing to find a website or 411 for information...)

Bless you...thank you and I am SO glad you feel better...

Supplemental INcome...? Okay...see...i totally missed that thread...:)