Should I give him the benefit of doubt?

[Bedroomeyes]

Lately my oldest son has been coming home with something new almost everyday.. Little things like packs of gum, gatorade, batteries for his gameboy, food, etc...

I know that he has money but after 4 days of this I started to question it... I asked him was he stealing.. Of course he said no.. I then threatened his life and he swore all of it was bought... He even brought out his money and counted it in front of me so I can see that he had been spending it...

This is all well and good.. But it still doesn't sit well with me... :rolleyes:


Should I trust what he is telling me or start treating him like a fugitive.... :upto:

[que90nek]

tell him not to "buy" anything else. to come home straight from school....etc.

[ThickBodyHottie]

how old is he?

[Bedroomeyes]

He's 11 .. and I have told him not to buy anything else.. But he came home yesterday and said that his friend went to the store and brought him back a gatorade...

Maybe it's a group thing going on.... :confused:

[ThickBodyHottie]

ask him who's buying it for him, then go directly to the school and ask the kid who he said did it...at 11, he can't be too much swifter than you...my daughter is 9 and she's doing the same thing...i got one for her, though...

[que90nek]

he sounds like a wise guy...smart alecky pre-teenager.

u told him not to buy anything...so what does he do...he supposedly has somebody else buy it for him! very resourceful and crafty...but that energy needs to be channelled positively...not in deceiving moms.

[seductive_tee]

At 11...not many kids have jobs...find out what friend this is and talk to that friends parents.

Is there a dollar store near you?

That money he bought out...did you give it to him and how much was it?

My sister had this problem for a minute..but get this..lil negro and negroess was stealing change out her purse....

[ThickBodyHottie]

send him to detroit for about 2 days to see auntie thick!:wave: :evil: i'll take care of the both of them together...

[Tastey]

Don't give him the benefit of the doubt. I know that's harsh but I learned the hard way.

About a month ago I missed money from my purse I asked my son and he denied it even though I knew that he, I and my friend were the only 3 people who had been in the house.

A few weeks later it was more money. A dollar here, some change there.

This past weekend he stole $200 from my purse. I am still so mad and so hurt I can't stand to look at him.

He finally admitted to stealing the money before. He thought I'd let it slide like I did the others.

I blame myself because I gave him the benefit of the doubt when I knew something wasn't right.

Trust your instincts BE. We are raising an endangered species the black male and can never be laxed in making sure they get the right instruction at the right time. Stay on his ass. Unfortunately it's what we have to do.

When my son sees the light of day again he'll think twice about getting gum out of my purse that's for damn sure.

[seductive_tee]

Tastey, how old was he when he did that...and what he need $200 for?

My kids know my purse is loaded with change and they know i know when they take from it...

Some of ya'll seen my purse...and i can tell when money missin....

[Tastey]

Tee he's 8 and don't need $2 let alone $200.

I think he just grab a handful because it was all in $20's not counting it.

That's the point, I noticed the other money. I just didn't say anything because he denied it. I knew his ass was lying I just knew it. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

That was a mistake.

[seductive_tee]

What did he do with $200...did you get it back...did he admit to the 200 or the the other money?

[Bedroomeyes]

He goes around the neighborhood cleaning yards and washing cars for money.. He also has received a few dollars from my mother and uncle because he has finally started to get good grades in school.. ( 2 A's and not 1 D on his report card.. he has come a looong way!)

He had a total of $18 dollars.. Now he is down to $6

The dollar store is where everything is supposed to have come from.. Him and his friends go up there often to get Pokemon cards..

A few years back I caught him taking money from my purse.. But after I tried to put my foot up his ass he hasn't touched my purse again.... :beating

I have told them that I will not have thieves in my house and I refuse to visit any of them in jail! :mad:

Damn Tastey!! $200!!!! :eek:

[que90nek]

tell the WHOLE story about your son....

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

This...I hope will continue to be an ADHD success story....

but tell the fam...the bullet u had to bite....

u win awards for your rearing of your kids.......in my opinion.

[Tastey]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+
What did he do with $200...did you get it back...did he admit to the 200 or the the other money?

I got it back. He admitted it finally after I told him I was going to kill him whether he admitted it or not.

He had given a $20 to a kid at church and the choir director took it away from them and gave it to me. That's when I decided to check my purse. At first he lied...but once my hand was around his throat the truth started leaking out. :( I hate to get like that but I was so mad!!!

After that I didn't whip him or get near him. Honestly afraid of how bad I might hurt him. :(

[nubianx2]

BE,
Do you allow your son to go to the store without adult supervision after school? That's prime time for kids to steal.

Does your son really need to carry extra money other than lunch money?

[Bedroomeyes]

Yes he is allowed to go to the store unsupervised.. Hell.. Sometimes I have to send him to get something for me.. :p

I don't want to not allow him to do stuff because I can't trust him... After all of the talks we have had about right from wrong.. I want to be able to trust him to make the right decisions when it comes to things like stealing...


Thank you Que for your words.. Sometimes us single parents need to hear that every now and then.... :)

* Taking back everything I said about Que* ;) :D

[nubianx2]

BE,
I understand you wanting to trust your son and you should. But sometimes even though they know right from wrong they still give into peer pressure and follow the crowd.

[Juicey1]

BE, maybe you can set him up a savings account and let him put his hard earned money in the bank. Let him give himself an allowance, maybe $5 to $10 a week and put the rest in his bank account. Let him go to the bank, fill out the deposit slip and interact with the teller. It will teach him all about saving. Maybe let him withdraw money to buy special things he wants or birthday presents, etc.

This is something I am going to start with my son. He already has an account, but the bank is in our old neighborhood and they don't have a branch close to us. I am going to move the account to the bank I bank at so he can make his deposits.

[seductive_tee]

A whole nother post all together....

BE...spill it...tell us about this bullet you had to bite...maybe you'll some of us single parents out.

[que90nek]

hint for BE -- medication.

[Sparkles]

Lucky for me I have not had that problem yet with my own son, but I had it with my first cousin. BE it was just as you say, small things at first, but then once my cousin though e was getting away with it, it was bigger things and from his, parents and anyone else! At one point it so bad, that my husband told me he wasn't allowed back over to our house. Once he spent te night and took all the sliver coins out of my son's bank! GIve him some room, but keep a close eye on him. Nip in the bud now, my aunt was and is in denial and because of that she is catcing pure hell behind some of the decisions that she made 6 or 7 year ago. He 14 and so out of control, if it was just the stealing, that would be one thing, but he's moved on to bigger and better things...

[Bedroomeyes]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+

BE...spill it...tell us about this bullet you had to bite...maybe you'll some of us single parents out.

As yall already know, my son has ADHD - he was diagnosed at the age of 5 when he was running out of the kindergarten classroom and doing flips in class.. :rolleyes: I was literally at the school everyday trying to calm him down...

Since that time I was able to get him a 504 plan which helps him in the classroom.. (frequent restroom breaks, more one on one assistance.. sitting closer to the teacher.. etc.. ) But as much as they wanted me too, I would not put him on medication.. I had worked in daycare before and seen kids on the meds and didnt like what it did to them..

Anyway, he started seeing a child psych who specialized in ADHD.. I was constantly getting phone calls on a daily basis and having meetings with teachers, principals, counselors, (still to this day the whole school and I are on first name basis :p ) Things were not changing, he was still "disruptive" and was not learning.. every year he barely passed to the next grade..

Finally, I tried meds for him in 4th grade.. He was very upset because he thought that taking the meds meant that he was "bad" even though we all told him that wasn't true.. He started rebelling by spitting them out, and complaining that they made him ill so I took he off.. In 5th grade he started all the same ol again.. He was even suspended once for fighting and always in trouble for walking out of classrooms, talking back to teachers and principals, throwing things, etc.. So we put him on meds again.. This time he noticed that he was doing better and the meds were just helping him to stay focus.. The school helped alot by assigning a counselor to him and he would meet with her every morning and every afternoon before he came home..

Now he is in the 6th grade and doing quite well.. He is getting A's on tests, and actually enjoys going to school.. We got his report card the other day and he had 2 A's, 2 B's,and 2 C's.. The only A he has ever gotten before was in PE!!! So yes we are very proud of him and I want him to continue this success... Although we're still having problems with his attitude at times.. (had detention on Monday :rolleyes: ) I see a big difference in him..

The last thing I wanted to do was put him on medication, but so far it has worked out for the best for him...

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by Bedroomeyes+
The last thing I wanted to do was put him on medication, but so far it has worked out for the best for him...

I'm happy for you BE..and him...tell him to keep up the good work!

[que90nek]

2 a's 2 b's 2 c's!
that is wonderful!!!!!!!!!

he is on the upswing....and that is good. i am really really happy for u.

my family was not strong enough to medicate my brother. they did it but one complaint from him and they never did it again....

and now my brother is a dropout with that is tested at at a 4th grade comprehension level, a 10th grade reading level (he understands words), and a 6th grade math level....somewhere along the line...HE STOPPED LEARNING. But learned how to fake it just enough.........

that is why i am so proud of BE....

[Babygirl]

I wish the best for your son, I think explaining to him about stealing, and maybe showing him the consequences on being a thief(taking him to see Juvy or jail). And maybe talking to the parents of the frineds he hangs out with, and maybe go as far as going to the local store and itroducing yourself to the ower and forming "an alliance" to scope out your son and his friend if they are stealing.