Financial Responsibilities in Relationship/Marriage

[Brightness]

Okay, piggybacking off the separate/joint account in marriage. . .

What bills should the man take responsibility for? What bills should the woman take responsibility for?

I'm asking this in terms of money not necessarily what each party should pay.

[seductive_tee]

See now that is a tough one when it comes to a relationship...and i assume the parties would be living together. If so...i think everything should be 50/50....minus each others own personal charge cards.

Now as for marriage....i really don't know...but if i was to marry...if my husband decided to pay the house note and i pay everything else minus our seperate car notes if any...i wouldn't have a problem with it.

[Babygirl]

Everypay 1st/15th for Hubby's fulltime, everyother week Hubby's partime, and weekly for me. Whatevr bills sitting in the bill box are paid, Grocery money is taken out the first of the month, and we both have "allowences" so our system works out great. All money into the house...is house money.

[HulaSista]

*taking notes from babygirl...*

[CD]

I think you'll get many different answers on this one. Not one will be correct, but basically it's what works for you.

Personally, I always paid for food, clothing, and shelter. She would always hook up the vacations. All the other stuff wify picked up. This in part, I guess is based on how I was raised. My mother didn't work until my youngest brother was in the 4-5th grade. Pops paid everything or passed off so moms could pay. So when I was married I did the same thing. Mind you wify was making damn good loot too.

I know she would come to me from time to time telling me that her girl friends would be dumb founded when she would tell them that she did not know how much I made. She wasn't concerned with the amount of money I made since I never asked her to pay any of my bills or loan me money. At the same time I had a clue what she was making, but really didn't care since I didn't count on her financially. My attitude was everything she brought to the table was all gravy.

The problem was when I got divorced my lawyer told me the only problem that I had was that I took care of her too damn well and now I was gonna have to pay a little more if I want to finalize the divorce.

[seductive_tee]

Will u do the same thing if you marry again?

[djackso]

I paid the mortgage & association dues while she paid the utilities. When she left all the utilities were behind so next time i won't be picky . Just pay something. Give a honest effort. Don't shop with your money & think you can live for free. Be a partner.

[que90nek]

both of our incomes go in to a few different pots

one pot pays most bills

one pot pays for groceries and gas...and recreation

one pot is savings

PERIOD.

She has access to all pots...and so do I. But I pay all the bills out of the first pot.

[CD]

Originally posted by seductive_tee+
Will u do the same thing if you marry again?

I don't know. I really think about that sometime. I should be the man I want to be to a woman and not let one rotten apple mess my head up.

Its a very big part of me to be able to provide for my wife and family. To know that she or my kids don't hurt for anything reasonble. Its a big ego booster to be able to look at a woman and know you can change her life for the better. The only draw back is how will she handle it, and that's something you can not predict.

So you can be pretty sure that I just chill in the cut most of the time not saying what I can do, just observing trying to see what they don't want me to see.

[Tantalizing_T]

Originally posted by CD+
I think you'll get many different answers on this one. Not one will be correct, but basically it's what works for you.


:beer

Whassup all!!

I hafta agree wholeheartedly with CD.........it's all what you and your mate agree upon. But once said responsiblities have been established, don't slack on your end. Handle your business and be "A Partner".

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by que90nek+


PERIOD.

She has access to all pots...and so do I. But I pay all the bills out of the first pot.

Well if the man ain't spoke....:D :D Que said PERIOD...no if ands butts about it!

No seperate pots?

I have got to have a pot for Tee!

[Brightness]

I feel that the man should contribute enough to cover food, gas/electric/water & shelter, the clothing part is optional but not really necessary. And the reason I feel this way ties into my belief with the man being the provider. I think nowadays there are a lot of 'weaker' minded men that automatically want a woman paying all or EXACTLY half the household expenses. I believe that if I can pay 100% alone then you should at least want to alleviate me of the responsibility of acting as the head of the household.

I think part of being a man is having the ability to take care of your family, now the woman steps in readily and willingly to ease the burden from the man but never should she assume it.

And before the men get in an uproar. . .I will wholeheartedly agree and be the first to say that a lot of women are slacking on their front, too.

[que90nek]

well...the idea of being married is that you are ONE....One unit...a family....my money = her money and visa versa.

[sistuhchey]

My dad turned over all bill paying along with his paycheck to the lady of the house....all things where taken care of...he had no complaints.....we lived comfortable...from childhood to when i dropped out of college.....no squabbles, no welfare, no crumbs..just a hardworking man that took care of his family.... the way GOD intended for it to be.....

But not today......Negroes talking 50/50...80/20...or just plan old zero......So my take??? mine is all 100% and what you contribute is all gravy...no gravy??? no mashed potatoes...

[seductive_tee]

Originally posted by CD+
Its a big ego booster to be able to look at a woman and know you can change her life for the better.

See...I have a big problem with that statement..."change her"..that really hits a nerve for me....my daughters father just knew he was gonna change me....

When i met him..i admit i was a lil young and didn't know to much but i was me...at that time, i was not into the mini skirts and all that...all i wanted to wear was jeans...we he figured if he took me on a lil shopping spree and bought me a few things..he done changed me....NOT..i still wore the jeans and tennis shoes.

Now when i got into the mini's and what not....he thought i met someone and then i had to hear shit about he made me....oh hell no you did not....i told him you wanted something Tina was not ready for....I guess i wasn't ready to blossom into womanhood.

Well i've blossomed and guess what..all the negro buy me now is sweatsuits and tennis shoes....

In a way though..he has made me into the person i am somewhat...

[Vronni]

For me, I would expect to pay 50/50 but if one spouse makes alot more than the other,then I think that person should kick in a larger share for the bills . I would not expect my husband to pay everything -because marriage is a partnership- unless I was a stay-at home mom and wasn't working

[que90nek]

so all of u that propose some type of percentage....

what happens with the other half of the money?

say ya'll have a 50/50 agreement...what happens to the other 50?

[HulaSista]

que...who's other fifty? or rather, what other 50?

i am much like Chey....no gravy? no mash potatoes....

i expect my man to WANT AND DESIRE to take care of me, and therefore, what i pitch in from the job makes it all sweeter...

now....whether or not i find that is a complete other story...

[ThickBodyHottie]

we've agreed this from day one and it still stands:
he pays for all the bills except mine, when i have a job. the girls' stuff comes from both of us, my family, their father, etc...

[lightandlovely1]

Personally, I adhere to the "married folks become one" adage. Therefore, I never separated bills when I was married. They were simply - "our bills" without respect to who had the larger income. We had a household account and from that account I paid the bills. The problem was that he kept taking money out of the account without telling me (I generally found out when something bounced:hammer). We put in a percentage of our earnings to make sure the bills got paid. And then we both had money to goof off with.

When I marry again, I think we will probably have a similar system but I am a terrible money manager - so whatever we work out together will be our new system.

[Andre98]

I pay the bills, that is, I write the checks from our joint account, but thats because a few years ago, we decided that her job was too demending to have her keep track of household finances too. But it took that long for her to hand over the reins to me. She and I had separate accounts well into married life, and it didnt make any damn sense! She wasn't the problem , I was. Before I got direct deposit, I used to go to the neighborhood check cashing joint with the senior citizens and the FEMA folks, and get my full pay in a whompin' fist of cash. I was then supposed to give 99% of it to her for the household. Well, one problem. You tend to think you can afford shit you can't if you have a wad in your pockets. $10 here, $20 there... 4 or 5 CDs here... I'd be a couple hundred down in as many days. I was a flagrantly compulsive spender, and the only way we got a house was for me to surrender my check UNCASHED to her and she would give me money as I needed it. To say it was an allowance makes it seem like a parent/child relationship, but I guess in terms of money, thats what it had to become for a while. Not saying that I liked it, of course. But I had to start living right, because money was going up in flames and even I had a hard time accounting for it. It does take a lot of trust to give access to the mutual funds to your spouse when they have a proven track record of throwing cash to the four winds. You grow, you mature, you have to put away your childish habits. My angel took the leap of faith in turning over the financial reins to me, and although keeping up with the bills was still a challenge, we started doing much better. With this refinance on the mortgage eliminating goo gobs of debt, we got our feet on solid ground first time since the 80s. Time to pack away the savings and retirement funds.

Even now, I am a reformed compulsive spender, resisting the urge to get shit I don't need like a digital camera, a DVD recorder, a Palm Pilot or a laptop (when we got two desktops).
I am still not perfect ( but lawd knows I'm close!)